User:Frinko/Master Hand
The Jee Man Himself has Shown, in His infinite Wisdom, that He is the Ultimate Purveyor of all things Awesome, Nifty, Spiffy, and generally Interesting. He has personally Reviewed this article and Given His Blessing. The submitter may be Forgiven three venial sins or one mortal sin.
“I love a hand in uniform.”
“I could kick his as- OH GOD WHY DOES IT HURT!?”
“There is a very good reason I'm in this box.”
“I hate him. I achieved Nirvana, but he just bitch-slapped me back into existence.”
“I, too achieved Nirvana, but he blew me out of existence.”
“MH! Master Hand! He's a big hand and he's got a bigger wang!!!”
“GOOD GOD! WHY ARE MY ALL MIGHTY TACOS!? WHY POOKIE!? WHY!!??”
“AAAHHHHHHHH!!!”
| Supervillain | |
| |
| Master Hand | |
|---|---|
| Classification | God of the Multiverse. |
| Position | See Above |
| Weapon | Himself. |
| Loyalty | Everyone is loyal to him. |
| Enemy | Chuck Norris |
Master Hand is a self-proclaimed god of all women, and the Multiverse. He is currently spending his summer as a pimp.
Master Hand is obviously a giant ass hand with crazy shit super powers. He is feared by every living thing in the universe, because if they disagree, they are no longer classified as living, nor dead, as they are simply erased completly from existance.
Actual Info[edit | edit source]
Master Hand is also a Dancing Master and will outdance you. He spent his early life in an orphanage, until he slapped it into the sun. To this day he is fond of slapping orphans.
Master Hand has the ability to Roundhouse Slap. He also has the power to make elephant shit taste like cherries, as well as laser beams and what not.
Chuck Norris actually FEARS Master Hand... And Mr. T pities himself when Master Hand comes nearby.
On a much more interesting note, by being born, you have been killed by Master Hand while you where in Heaven.
Have a nice purgatory.
He also recently created a Youtube account.
Family[edit | edit source]
Master Hand is one of two children. His mother was killed giving birth to him, due to her vagina being too small, and him being born fully sized. He killed his Father when he cut off his allowance.
His brother, Crazy Hand, lives in "Sugar Pop Land" because the "White Bunny Men" gave him "Candy", and by this I obviously mean he went ape shit and the Bat Fuck Insane-police took action, and they locked his ass (?) up.
His half thrice cousin removed Glover is jealous of Master Hand's greatness.
Rivalry With Chuck Norris[edit | edit source]
in the Year 2129, when Chuck Norris travled back in time to stop Master Hand from being born, he arrived seconds before Master Hand emerged from the womb, and along with every other living thing in the room, was slapped so hard, they cried. They cried long and hard. So long and hard, they ran out of tears, but continued to cry out their other bodily fluids, including all of their blood.
Back in the year 2128, Chuck was reincarnated, and had a change of plans. He headed to Master Hand's castle in Spain, and killed his way to Master Hand. Master Hand, sensing his aproach, loaded exactly 1337 Railguns with oars, items proven to be Chuck's only weakness, along with kicks from Bruce Lee, and pity. Chuck was once again killed, and reborn in the year 2004, where Master Hand's brother, Crazy Hand was born. Crazy used his Bat n00b Insane Powers, and slapped Chuck back to the year 2129, where he made a time machine. He used it to go back in time just after he was hit back, and put a large prosthetic hand in front of him, fooling master hand into thinking it was his cousin. Chuck then shot Master hand with a grue, which he captured, and it ate master hand. This grue became king grue, and is now trying to create a truce between Chuck Norris and all other grues, but has failed so far up till the year 2007 where Master Hand caused the Grue to Implode. Master Hand then ripped out Chuck Norris' walnut.
Fights[edit | edit source]
Master Hand Has Fought Inumarable battles over the years:
Master Hand vs Your Mom: Win, resulted in universal birth
Master Hand vs Master Chief: Win, BOOM, HEAD SHOT!!
Master Hand vs Minja (Midget Ninja): Loss, arteries wound into a ball and torn out
Master Hand vs Chuck Norris: Tie, resulted in the cooling of earth molten surface
Master Hand Vs the Cast of SSB: Lose, because he needed somthing to do tomorrow
Master Hand Vs. Crazy Hand: Win, that's why Crazy Hand tries to help Master Hand: personal protection
Master Hand vs You: Win, You should remember
Master Hand vs Darth Vader: Win, resulted in Vader getting a concussion causing him to beleive that he was Lukes father
Master Hand vs. Mr.T: Draw. by which I mean MH used Mr. Ts blood to draw me
Master Hand vs. Bill Gates: Win , everything finished when MS was crushed by a flaming Xbox360 to the head
Master Hand vs. Oscar Wilde: win, Oscar Wilde lost his virility in that battle
Master Hand vs. Superman: win, Master Hand sneezes kryptonite
Master Hand vs. Ronald McDonald :lose, Ronald was dead for that day
Master Hand vs. Stewie Griffin : win, Master Hand devoured his soul
Master Hand vs. my chemical romance : win, Master Hand likes to smash guitars on his enemies heads
Master Hand vs. Shigueru Miyamoto : lose, yo cant defeat your creator
Master Hand vs. Hello Kitty: win, Master Hand squeezed her until she became grounded meat
Master Hand vs. Fidel Castro: win, he became the new dictator on Cuba when he plunged an Habano cigar unto Fidel's throat
Master Hand vs. Oprah : win, he crushed her head with the Death Star (possibly Master Hand's most notourious victory)
Master Hand Vs. Windows '95 : forced it to perform an illegal operation: will close program immeadiatly.
Master Hand Vs. The universe : Win. We live because Master Hand chooses so.
Master Hand vs. Ultimate Jesus : tie, resulting in mutual annihilation.
Master Hand vs. flying spaghetti monser : win, resulted in masturbation.
Master Hand vs. Deathklok : win, resulting in nothing whatsoever
Master Hand vs. Shadow the hedgehog : tie, resulted in creation of Silver the hedgehog
Master Hand vs. a grue : tie, resulting in the cretin of the eurg
The Rest are lost between the ages, or Maybe its because the guy who made this is too damn lazy to keep typing...which ever......