User:Dezeroom/Morality Plays

The Morality Play is the only form of Medieval Theatre that makes use of "direct speech", and is one of the earliest known examples of social control. It was designed to help people avoid eternal damnation and find their way home their right and proper place in society.

Quotations relating to this subject

Some really important things have been said that you need to know in order to agree with this article.

Please note - this is not an exhaustive list.

“I for one welcome our new 'Everyman' overlords”

~ Oscar Wilde on the dramatic convention of stereotyping

“Me hede! Allasse, I runn awat fro master tyme agynne nomore”

~ Medieval Guy on how the world just keeps getting faster

“Teach you way best to wrath of God avoid, yes?”

~ Yoda on morality plays

“I cn haz hvn now?”

~ lolcat on getting into the Kingdom of Heaven

“If I had one pound for every poem that I have seen about morality plays, I'd be richer than Bill Gates! Hang on ... Hm... I hereby make a public call for poems about Morality Plays.”

~ some critic on the never ending ream of poems about morality plays

“In Soviet Russia the didacticism of the allegory understands YOU”

~ Russian reversal on the efficacy of morality plays

History

Jesters had a total monopoly on public entertainment before the Everyman Overlords (to whom we are most grateful) stole invented the Morality Play. Jesters were emmissaries of evil; as you can see - this one is waving the disembodied head of his still-born twin. Sick puppy.

The Morality play had it's heyday in the 15th and 16th centuries when it was the only form of public entertainment. Prior to this, (legal) laughs were only to be had via the use of mammals indigenous to the area called a bladders-and-bells. Unfortunately, the only people qualified to use bladders-and-bells were Jesters (please see the very helpful illustration on the right and praise the foresight of the author). Luckily, since everyone thought Jesters were utter wankers, this did not create a mass stampede of lazy peasants wishing to be jesters, so the bladders-and-bells farms managed to keep up with demand (for as long as they could stay alive).

The history and origin of these plays are wrapped up in the conspiracy theory concerning Everyman Overlords. Even people who ought to know better, and who, if they think about it, understand that the Overlords have mankinds' intentions close to their Overlordic heart(s). Personally, I'd crawl through broken glass on my hands and knees just to have the opportunity to lick their snot. This is the kind of devotion that reaps real rewards.

It is important to note, that to this very day, Morality Plays always employ allegorical dramatic techniques, and as such should never be consumed by vegetarians or anyone with a nut allergy. Ever. I really mean that.

Things that happened before

You need to read an article on history to be able to fully appreciate the subtleties of this section. If you see no elegance here, then you probably need a bit of cerebral exercise.

“Historoire cometh, historoire goeth; I goeth to th' Inne.”

~ Medieval Guy on the subtleties of history

Relevant things that happened before

An immediate precursor to the invention of the Morality Play was an outbreak of a Plague that swept across the watery flatlands of East Anglia (that's in England, UK, Europe - other side of the pond, for American readers). It was on these fecund marshes that the vast majority of bladders-and-bells farms were located. Unfortunately, some 95% of bladders-and-bells farmers had an IQ of well below 80; it was this extraordinary level of stupidity that allowed the plague to spread so quickly and with such ferocity. Once the farmers had heard of the first outbreak (near Ely in Cambridshre), they all rushed to see the 'pretty face decorations' (gross pus-filled boils), and therefore all caught the plague. It took some time for researchers to discover why these farmers were so utterly idiotic. The answer came in a blinding flash some 270 years after bladders-and-bells had become extinct when the skeleton of an adult male example was unearthed by a paleontologist. It turns out that these small furry mammals had two special features. Firstly, a pea-sized brain, and secondly heads exactly the same shape as their arses. These two features coupled together resulted in animals that would regularly stand on their heads in the marshland without realising it, and drown. It takes very little intelligence to farm an animal that will effectively harvest itself, hence the success of such dim-witted farmers. This is a very good example of natural selection. Once these farmers had died a terrible, gruesome and truly Medieval death, the lack of jester materials necessitated a long-overdue spontaneous outbreak of actual entertainment. Almost immediately after this eruption of good spirits, theatrical activity was unilaterally appropriated by the Everyman Overlords.

Context

It is essential that Morality Plays be understood in the correct context. Whilst the Morality Play was indeed a form of entertainment, the real focus for the Everyman Overlords who started the trend was one of didacticism. They sought to instill a sinister (yes, that's correct, left-handed) educational message in the largely illiterate population. These educational nuggets were designed to keep the population in abeyance of both Church and State by systematically beating Christian moral values into people. The use of explosives was actively encouraged permitted in meeting this end.

The Church

The One True Apostolic Holy Roman Catholic Church.

During the Medieval period (in fact, now I come to think of it, right up until the Reformation), there was only one Church in England. This was the Holy Roman Catholic Church. Granted, it got quite full on a Sunday, but for most of the rest of the week, people could at least find room to kneel as long as they didn't try to stay longer than about 10 minutes. A picture of the church is to your right (no, that's your left, look RIGHT). This image is taken from a strange low angle because the photographer had no legs. Now you can see things from his point of view, you insensitive clod.

The Church, in current pole position, did not wish to relinquish it's power. In order to stay 'top dog', it derived some cunning plans. The Language Master Plan worked very effectively by insisting on carrying out all Church services in Latin, thereby making it impossible for the ordinary man to understand what the heck was going on (please see helpfully placed quote below). This allowed the Church the opportunity to just tell lies control the population very effectively. The Getting 'in there' with the Government Master Plan followed swiftly on from this masterful stroke, and granted the Church power evermore in England.

“Whyghte hecken goeth onne?”

~ Medieval Guy on the Language Master Plan

The State

The dictatorship monarchy made good use of the crowd-controlling features of the Morality Play. The ways in which these plays managed crowd control were myriad. Here are a few examples:

• Sweeties

• Gags

• Straight jackets

• Maces

• Sweeties

• Grues

• Metal bars

• Buckets of snot

• Sweeties

• Defecation

• Bunches of flowers

• Tear gas

• Asking people to please sit quietly and pay attention

• Sweeties

• Tickets inviting the holder to an eternity in Hell

Language

Unlike most plays, the Morality Plays used a lot of words.

Use of Latin

Latin is used for all references to public holidays in the Morality Plays. This was to try and keep the population ignorant. After all, if they didn't know when the public holidays were, they couldn't ask for time off work and would not waste time that could be spent toiling for the Everyman Overlords getting hideously drunk and over-eating. The only other time one sees Latin in the Morality Plays is when satanic characters are speaking. This was another attempt at social control, the thinking being that if the audience couldn't understand the evil characters, they would not be able to copy them. After all, you can't just go around trusting the judgement of ignorant, lazy, stupid peasants now can you?

Content

Allegory

The allegorical slant of Morality Plays rely heavily on the use of stereotypes.

Characterisation

Characterisation in Morality Plays is a big fat waste of time.

You

I put you first because I understand your egocentric needs.

Examples (like a list, only different)

The play Mankind is the most high brow of the plays, leaving the base humour of Wisdom in the fucking DUST man.

Poem about Morality Plays

Not anything like ode to a small amount of putty I found in my armpit one midsummer morning.

See also

Some other ponce said this.

References

I STOLE these things from these people. Nuff said.

These nice people said that their images were not copyrighted and ok to be used. Thanks for the cute jester, he was very helpful! http://www.wpclipart.com

These nice people also said their pics are copyright free, and luckily they had a lovely church picture. Thanks! http://www.freeimages.co.uk/

I really like the templates on the wiki. Remember kids - try not to eat ALL your templates in one day, m'kay?!

I had a look at this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morality_plays just for laughs....

The rest of it I STOLE from my own head. It will remain thus until someone sees fit to give my article a bit of love and help make it passable even better. ;-D

No nuts were included in this article.  Cannot guarantee nut free. Please note - this article may contain nuts.  
The author accepts no liability should the reader have a spontaneous outbreak of any kind of allergy (especially a nutty one).  Thanks.