Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:COCKS embraced! Lawsuit filed against Cedric the Entertainer!
UnNews:COCKS embraced! Lawsuit filed against Cedric the Entertainer![edit source]
This was my first and thus far my only unnwes piece. I figured I'd get an opinion on it to see if I should continue writing shorter news pieces on occasion or stick to longer stuff. Do not let the title fool you here. There is no mention of homosexuality in this article. Cheapinitreal 02:16, 25 May 2008 (UTC)
- Damn! I really wanted to review this, but I'm far too bust over the next two weeks! Oh woe be mine etc. - 07:28 25 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTE
- Take your time YTTE! I'm not in any rush to get a review and would love to hear your opinion. It will more than likely sit for that long anyway.--Cheapinitreal 11:09, 25 May 2008 (UTC)
- Okey dokey, I love reviewing UnNews, well, I've never actually reviewed one, but I like reviewing short pieces, cause then you get more time to step back and comment about it, after making the initial in-depth humour section review thingy...blah...ug. Anyway... - 12:23 25 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTE
- Take your time YTTE! I'm not in any rush to get a review and would love to hear your opinion. It will more than likely sit for that long anyway.--Cheapinitreal 11:09, 25 May 2008 (UTC)
Woah, back off there, 'cause it's YesTimeToPee...for YTTE, not you. Sorry, you'll just have to go find somewhere else to empty your bladder, or you can choose to wet yourself. I got this spot, biatch.
| Humour: | 6 | Preliminary Comment: So Cheapinitreal, we finally meet in the epic battleground of the Pee Review! It is time for my pee to do mighty battle with your article! I am expecting great things of your writing *no pressure*, so let's see how it goes, eh? Who will win this mighty engagement, this epic skirmish for survival, etc. That chunk of text totally UnCalled for, but I felt like writing so, meh.... Opening Paragraph: While well written this opening paragraph doesn't really score any laughs. From "Rodney Dangerfield" and "Cederic the Entertainer" we immediately have the feeling this is going to be a slightly quirky, corny piece. What happens often with opening paragraphs is that they're well written and set the general scene and atmosphere well, but don't really make you roll on the floor in fits of laughter. That's happened here. Obviously it would be good if you could fit some jokes in here, but it's not essential to make this a brilliant piece. |
| Concept: | 8 | The concept here is actually quite good. I mean we all know that just because something is called a "naughty word" (in my best kiddy voice) it isn't automatically funny. But with this article it sort of is. It's kind of immature and not at all sophisticated, but it's quite funny, none the less. There's actually, though, not much room for improvement here, even though it's only an 8. All I can say is don't really change the concept unless you have an incredible idea. You don't need to change it, really! Just work on the few other ideas I've mentioned. |
| Prose and formatting: | 6 | We're missing links here! There's not a single link in it... You may have fallen victim to a syndrome I had when I wrote my first UnNews: the "It's UnNews So I Don't Think I Should Put Links In" Syndrome. No, feel free to sling as many links as you like, in! Well not too many, but yeah... I think, even for an UnNews article this is a tad on the short side. I reckon you could expand on this more. There's a lot of quotes in there, too, and I reckon they should be formatted a little nicer. A lot of people would probably disagree with me, but I would put them in {{cquote}} tags. This is a matter of personal preference, here. People that I've already mentioned would disagree with me...and I guess he's your dad, so you can go with him if you like. The thing is that at the moment this UnNews looks just a little too plain and boring. It's all text and one picture...there's very little different formatting to make the page more lively. Most importantly though: add links! |
| Images: | 7 | Well the one image you have is okay...it's pretty average. Since your article is so short you only really need one image, anymore and it would look cluttered. And you don't want that, do you? If you do decide to expand on your article then maybe one or two more images could be in order. For the moment you should work on getting a slightly better picture. Maybe a photochopped pic of Cedric getting attacked by the COCKS? And in the picture you could even have one of the COCKS wearing something (or in front of something) that unintentionally (but actually intentionally, if you get what I mean) makes him look like a cockc (micky-mouse ears etc.). |
| Miscellaneous: | 6.75 | Avv-ERR-ray-jjjj. It's average time! |
| Final Score: | 33.75 | One thing I would say is you should move this to a slightly more suitable title such as "COCKS embraced - lawsuit filed against Cedric the Entertainer" - less of the ! enthusiasm and more proffesional and newsy like. So, what should you do to make this article great? 1) Do the title move I just suggested 2) Add links! 3) Add a few more jokes and make more of the "COCKS" thing 4) Vary the formatting a bit to make it look pretty. And that's just about it. Good luck! With a lot more work this might be ready for VFH. But if you are aiming for VFH make sure it isn't nommed too early. Anyway, there I've given you some homework, get to it! Have fun, and I hope you do write more UnNewses. |
| Reviewer: | Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise 17:51 27 May | |
P.S. Cheap, have you ever done any pees? From the advise you've been dishing out to people on various articles I think you'd make an excellent reviewer, I'd try it someday... Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise 17:51 27 May
P.P.S. It's worrying to know that this "Cedric the Entertainer" is a real person...Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise 17:51 27 May
- I've done two actual pees and then helped out a few people who just asked for suggestions. I'll probably do more peeing in the future, but right now I'd like to get the things I am currently working on nice and tidy before doing extensive peeing. Thanks for he review and the tips. This will be third on my priority list now.--- Cheapinitreal (talk) 18:14, 27 May 2008 18:14, 27 May 2008 (UTC)