Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Dwight D. Eisenhower

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Dwight D. Eisenhower

Cap'n Sir Ben GUN WotM VFH VFP 08:01, 15 March 2009 (UTC)

This article has been stamped for Pee Review by the Almighty Smokin' Cheddar BBQ.

Humour:	4	Broken Into Sections (this is the first time I didn't accidentally put this part under score): Quotes: I like the ones that are there, but may I suggest adding one more, perhaps dealing with the common phrase "I LIke Ike" and someone's misinterpretation of it. Intro: It's funnyish. I'll admit, I got a chuckle out of it, but it could be better. As of now, I'm not sure where your going with the whole "pie-throwing" thing. If this is actually a focus of the article, it's a little bit confusing, but if it's not, it's a pointless (and slightly cheesy) joke. I did find the "Eisenhower was born in, oh I don't know, Colorado or somewhere. Yeah, Colorado sounds good." part to be very humorous. More Quotes?: I guess this works. A little unconventional, but it works. Yet if you put a quote at the beginning of this subtopic, I would suggest doing the same for other sub-topics. Some people might not mind, but I'm just a little OCDish (coined term) about things like that. The quotes themselves are funny though. WWI: OOOH, I get it! Your calling the world wars fight of pastry! OOOOOOHHH. That makes more sense now. Still seems just a little bit random, but nothing too bad. The actual content here is very funny. Comparing American pies to French and German pastries? Wonderful. Made me laugh. BTW: I feel there should be something here. This sub-title looks lonely. Maybe not a long thing, but, ya know, SOMETHING. I'm not exactly sure what, but something. The Philippines: I'm a little bit confused by this section. Some of it is funny. Basically I saw, " Declining an offer to train incompetent soldiers to turn the wrong way and thus hit each other with their rifle barrels, he opted to become assistant to General MacArthur." And thought, "What the fuck does that mean?" Then I read it again, and thought, "Oh, there making incompetent soldiers attack each other to get them out of the way." And THEN I thought, "Wait, isn't this a pie-throwing fight? Why are they using rifles?" You see my confusion. Think about that. Also, the racist Filipino jokes seemed out of place, and I'm not exactly sure why they were there. Look this section over again and see if you could work out some bugs. General Keaton: This section is funny, but... I can't place my amazing finger on it. It just seems... I don't know... off topic, I guess. It's good to say who Keaton is, but I probably wouldn't designate a whole section to it. Baking:Expand this section. This seems to go well with what I believe to be the concept, but it's too short.Try making the Keaton section this size, and this section Keaton's size, and see how that looks. WWII: Okay, this completely goes against what I thought the concept was. I really don't like this section. It's way too random. Hitler sold weird shampoo to Stalin? Britain's pants were pulled down? Eisenhower led a panty raid? This section needs a lot of changes, if not a total demolition and rebuild. Try to focus on one thing rather than just throwing random things out there that sound like they were just popping off the top of your head. Not trying to be mean, but this just is too nonsensical to be humorous. D-Day: Again. A intercamp sports day? Really? I get how your trying to compare this to...something. D-Day. Really, I don't know what to say. I'm sorry to say that the humor of the article has been declining rapidly. This... I don't know what you were really imagining when writing this, but I think it may have been a little off. Pre-Presidency: I would suggest starting this with quotes, and making the "The 1952 Presidential election campaign: I LIKE IKE!" bolded but not a subtitle, just for formatting purposes. Most of this section is funny, but the beginning still needs some work. The library card thing is out of place, and contradicts the end of the previous paragraph. Pres./NOTP: Don't say no really, the presidency. Just have one section entitled the Presidency. The NO,TP may not have been as funny written down as it was in your head. Otherwise, sort of funny, like the last section. Not great, still needs work. Try to do more of what you did early in the thing. Back when you were talking about the pastry technologies. That was funny. Maybe mention something about how he advanced it as President. Just an idea. DP and FP: It's funny. Sort of vague. More serious and realistic than most of the artcile, but generally funny. PostPr.: Yes. Do more of this. It makes sense. It's funny. It's good. DDEI(U)PC: Smash it into one section, as, if you must include it, DDE in (Un) Popular Culture. The content is funny though.
Concept:	2	What is your concept? Please tell me. At first I thought it was about how war can be compared to a food fight. But then there's little kids, and library cards, and Filipino jokes, and panty raids, and a lot of other stuff that was WAY too hard to follow. Look over your article and see if you can find a solid concept. If you can come up with JUST ONE, work off of that. That would be good. Now, maybe there is a really deep concept that an ignorant peon is simply to dimwitted to comprehend, but I doubt it (Because I know everything).
Prose and formatting:	9	Not really many problems here. Just fix some of the subtitles and your good.
Images:	3	Most of the images aren't too bad, but there is too many and the captions need improving. You could easily delete the pictures that really have nothing to do with Dwight Eisenhower. For example, the 2nd pic, with the caption "Cpl. Chaplin was Eisenhower's Aide de Camp when he was commandant of the US Whipped Cream Depository at the Somme." doesn't make sense. The article doesn't mention a Cpl. Chaplin, so there is obviously a problem here. This also seems to reoccur frequently throughout the article. I suggest that you delete some of these unrelated pics. The aforementioned picture could work, seeing as the guy has a Hitler moustache, but it doesn't work there with that caption. Also, it seems like all of the pictures are cramped together into one small space, which isn't good. This can be fixed by deleting some again, but also by moving a few to the left, and giving the article a little bit of violence. And I would also delete the Nixon picture with the MS Paint mustache and hat. It just isn't funny and doesn't fit with the style of the article. The only images I would fully stand by is the first one of Ike and the last 3. The rest should probably be deleted, or at least have different captions.
Miscellaneous:	4	This article seems to go from good to bad to good again, which is good, except for the parts that are bad. Overall, it was only sort of good. It seemed a bit too random for my taste. Your biggest problem is easily (and I've never said this before) the concept. That is, you seem to lack one.
Final Score:	22	If this were nommed, I'd vote against. I really think you need to do some soul-searching, discover exactly what you are trying to do with this article, make it perfectly clear, and then come back. Until then, Ciao Maternastronzo.
Reviewer:	Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods

Thanks for pointing out the discrepancy in the library card gag. That part of your review was very helpful. --Cap'n Sir Ben GUN WotM VFH VFP 04:49, 17 March 2009 (UTC)

Was that the only helpful part? :(--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 23:06, 17 March 2009 (UTC)

I assume some other parts of the review were just 'normally' helpful, if you get my drift. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 17:44, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

I just read the review, the review made me lol, soul searching for an article? Brilliant. --—The preceding signed comment was added by Projectmayhem666 (talk • contribs). 17:55, 19 March 2009 (UTC)