Uncyclopedia:Imaginary Admin Guidelines

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Dear First Time Admin,
Welcome to your Imaginary Admin Guidance Manual (any question of this articles existence will be stringently denied), please make yourself aware of all of the sections of these guidelines so that you may better fullfil your role as acting nazi stormtrooper for this website.

Terms Used Within this Guide[edit]

The following terms are used throughout this document -

Admin - Members of the Outer Party, and the ruling elite.
User - Whining Proles, making up the main body of "contributors" who must be herded like sheep, mentally tortured, humiliated and forced to adhere to the Guidelines.
Articles - randomly produced garbage, intended to allow Users to feel as though they are contributing something constructive to the site. Also, the main target of the Insta-Huff programme.

Section One - War IS Peace[edit]

1.1 Users are persuaded to follow the Guidelines using a number of techniques. These are defined as Learning, Understanding and Acceptance.

1.2 Learning is achieved through the use of a "carrot and whip" system. Any contribution submitted by a User is greeted with either a carrot or a whip. We have no idea why.

1.3 It is believed that Understanding can be fostered within the User through repeated reinforcement. B-Vocabulary Terms such as ShowPreview and AutoBan describe methods of aiding the User with this process.

1.4 Acceptance is achieved when the User learns that the Rule of the Admin is complete, that their every move is scrutinised in finite detail. At this point they really love Uncyclopedia.

1.5 Remember, many Users utilise terminological inexactitudes about their true intentions. NEVER trust them, and always assume bad faith.

Section Two - Ignorance IS Strength[edit]

2.1 All Admins are required to submit to the Two Minutes Hate Programme. This refers to the statutory minimum allowance of daily huffing.

2.2 Periodic Hate Weeks are often required to keep the levels of Articles to a sustainable level. This also reinforces the power of the Admin AND provides more work for the Users.

2.3 All Admins are required to submit to a minimum of 8 (eight) hours BanStick training each week.

2.4 Admins must offer unbiased views when interfacing with Users, in cleansing operations and discussing matters pertaining to Uncyclopedia in open forum.

Special Clauses[edit]

Kakun Clause section 1.1: If a User is Kakun he may be banned forever.

Nintendorulez section 2.1: If a User is Nintendorulez then no, you may not unban him.

AAA Clause 3.1: No one shall fuck with the format of VFP.