UnNews:Windows 7 reaches RTM Status

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23 July 2009

Windows 7, were you expecting something else, Commander?

REDMOND, Washington -- Microsoft today announced the RTM (or Ready To March) version of Windows 7 codenamed Windows Hitler today. That means the Beer Hall Putsch has undergone to get Windows Hitler into a seat of power at many corporations and nations. Microsoft made Windows Hitler better by borrowing parts of Mac OSX and Linux and even going as far back as borrowing from OS/2 and the Amiga to turn Windows Vista into Windows 7 aka Windows Hitler.

Microsoft released the version of it as "6.1.7600.16385.090713-1255," since Windows Vista was 6.0 Windows 7 will be version 6.1 because Microsoft does not do Math very well when they named it Windows 7 and it is version 6.1 instead of 7.0 but the Hitler code will use New math and also put a gun to the user's head when they call it 6.1 so it can correct them to say version 7 instead.

Bill Gates is very excited because since his retirement it will be the first version of Windows to be released without his help, if you ignore that it is really a service pack to Windows Vista released as a new version. Anyway Steve Ballmer threw some chairs at developers and claimed that Windows Hitler will finally fucking kill Google as well as invade Poland and France for him.

MSDN and Technet subscribers can have access to Windows Hitler on August 6th and have it invade their homes and businesses earlier than the others. The retail version of Windows Hitler won't invade homes or businesses until October 22. The day in history in 1933 when Hitler made a deal with IBM to buy mainframes to help him out with his inventory problems.

In the beta test and release candidate editions of Windows Hitler it was proven to be better than Windows Vista, but not as good as Windows XP.

On August 6th, Maddox and other Pirates announce that Windows Vista Pirated Edition 6.1 will hit BitTorrent web sites like The Pirate Bay. Which is like Windows Hitler with all of the crap and evil removed, but just as paranoid schizophrenic but that if it takes it's psyche meds that shouldn't be too much of an issue if you keep it busy painting pictures and stuff, so it won't try to take over the world or something.

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