UnNews:What do you mean Ricky Martin is gay?

UnColumns:What do you mean Ricky Martin is gay?

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

13 April 2010

WARNING: This column may be too homosexual for heterosexuals. If you don't like this article, than you are a militant homophobic George W. Bush ass kisser. People of other sexual orientations should only read this article for a good laugh and to mock all parties involved herein. (Editorial distorted, re-worded, parodied, and reprinted here without the express written permission of celebrity bugger blogger Perez Hilton. But Who Cares, he's a douche anyway.)

HI. This is Perez Hilton here. I've been doing fab-u-lous! I'm writing this column because I heard some shocking, startling news recently. Ricky Martin has recently come out of the closet!

WHAT!??

Ricky Martin...

is GAY????!!!!

That's insane-o-rific!!!!!

Seriously though, there is NO WAY that this could be TRUE. I never would have thought somebody would call Ricky Martin -- singer of "Livin' La Vida Loca," "Shake Your Bon Bon," and "She Bangs" -- a homosexual. That's just BLASPHEMOUS!

Ricky is married and has two kids.

How could this beautiful and sexy singer prefer dicks over chicks?

You would have to work hard to convince me of this, sister.

Ricky is as straight as a line. He always has been, ever since he burst onto the scene as a member of Menudo. Take a look at the above picture, there is nothing to suggest that any of the members could possibly be queer, right? RIGHT???? I thought so.

Please, mainstream media, if you want to jump on the bandwagon of calling somebody gay, why not take cheap shots at a more worthy opponent, such as Clay Aiken or Ryan Seacrest. Call George Clooney a queer, if you will.

But please leave my hot-honey-buns Ricky alone. Don't even go there, girlfriend!

For UnNews, this is Perez Hilton, signing off.

Sources

• Eric Chavez "Ricky Martin tells the world what it already knew" The Signal, April 12, 2010

• Captain Obvious "Ricky Martin is gay" A large series of papers on which news is written down for people to read daily, April 12, 2010