UnNews:Toyota markets "gay" automobile

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2 January 2007

Toyota’s Gay Blade

Aichi, Japan - Toyota Motor Corporation spokesman Audie Mercedes announced the Japanese automaker’s 2007 release of a car specifically designed with the successful gay man in mind.

Since gay men typically do not have children, the automobile does not have a back seat, although the desirability of this feature for use in drive-in theaters or lovers’ lane parking was debated. “It was felt that the driver would rather have the extra legroom and additional space in his rear,” Mercedes said, “as drive-in theaters are passe and many gays don’t park on lonely roads because of the possibility of encountering homophobic gay bashers. Most gay men lose their virginity, such as it is, in city parks or America’s wastelands, not in automobiles. Besides, Toyota wants to promote safe sex.”

The car, dubbed the Gay Blade, is a high-performance model with a sleek contour, washboard abs, an engine that purrs like a tiger in someone’s tank, rims that even the straightest man would lick, and it handles the road the way the driver might handle a male hitchhiker--with a firm, but gentle. touch. It can go from zero miles per hour to Mach 3 in 30 seconds. Fully equipped, the Gay Blade is “quite a package,” Mercedes said, “which is sure to turn any guy’s head.”

The body has been stiffened for greater wind-resistance, maneuverability, and all-around flash and bling, and there are 325 horses under the hood, which makes this top-of-the-line vehicle a real cowboy magnet. 265 pound-feet of torque gives it a harder-driving, faster and more rhythmic thrust. Highway use nets an average of 20 miles per gallon of semen and twice that distance if gasoline is used to fuel the vehicle’s engine. It is longer, harder, and thicker than other Toyota models, because, Mercedes said, “We know that’s what gay giys are looking for in a man or an automobile, and, at Toyota, we’re submissive; we like to please.”

It is available with every imaginable accessory, including K-Y Jelly dispenser, condom holders, dildo storage containers, rooftop surfboard racks for surfer pickups, stirrups for the cowboy in the driver’s life, and a completely furnished toolkit for mechanics-minded passengers.

Available in basic black, semen white, flaming orange, pink, purple, lavender, with pleather upholstery and sperm decals, the automobile is available everywhere and will be advertised using the slogan, “Put a Gay Blade in your garage--and in your bed.”

The asking price is only $225,000.

Sources

• Audie Mercedes "Put a tiger in your tank with the hot, new Gay Blade" Toyota Motor Corporation, January 2, 2007