Price check

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Oh, what you got there Mr. Man? Some of Madam Chang Kai-shek's Ancient Chinese Secret Erection Creme? It very very good. But it got no sticker on it. You know what that mean, don't you?

Good afternoon, did you find everything that you were looking for today? You didn’t? Well then what’s all this stuff that you are unloading from your basket then, silly?

Lets see, Heinz beans (beep), Heinz beans (beep), budgie kernels (beep), clear nail lacquer (beep), Aero bar (beep), Aero bar (beep), Aero Bar (beep), Whats this? They cut it off of you and turned it into a what?

S’cuse me while I page for PRICE CHECK for Tiny Tim Condoms.

Thanks Ernie - just give me a holler when you find it.

Oh, no - its no trouble at all, really, this is why we have Ernie. Dearie, you mustn’t worry, this type of thing happens all of the time. All sorts of people need all sorts of things in the world and thats why we at Uncyclopedia Mart believe in tip top customer service.

Ernie, you have the wrong FUCKING thing again!

What was that Ernie? No, you have the wrong item. Excuse me, Ernie's a bit deaf, I’ll have to use the microphone? Deary don't you worry, they can hear it in the next store. I SAID: YOU HAVE THE WRONG FUCKING THING. I SAID PRICE CHECK FOR SUPER SOAKIES FEMININE PADS; FOR THOSE DAYS WHEN AUNT FLO ARRIVES AT HIGH TIDE!

There we go, just took a minute. So, do you have any coupons, love? Oh, here he comes now. Oh, thank you Ernie.

Here, what are all of you looking at? Go back to you own business - if the customer wants to buy Ladies Who Drink Piss Quarterly what business is it of yours?

You'll have to pardon Ernie, he's a bit of a retard, but you know this economy...we're lucky to have found someone who has enough sense to wash his hands after he scratches his ass.

"Ernie! Oh, there you know what the manager said about bringing your pitchfork in to work, don't you?"

That’ll be 25.11, Vicar. Paper or plastic?

Thank you and have a blessed day.

Oh, dear, Jimmy - the dirty old Vicar has forgotten his bag with the Super Soakies Feminine Pads and could you run it out to his car - but keep your distance or he'll rape your creamy white ass.

Good afternoon Madam. Such a sweet lad our Jimmy. Well then, were you able to find what you were looking for today? No? Oh, you'll find cases of penicillin in back in our Jumbo Generic Department. Let just page Ernie and he'll escort you back there...

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