UnNews:Obituaries of gay people

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

30 December 2008

CRAIG, LARRY

Larry Craig passed away last weekend due to complications from AIDS because he was gay. Craig was a respected United States senator. He is survived by his wife Suzanne and his three adopted children. Craig was 63.

OBAMA, BARACK

Barack Obama passed away last weekend due to complications from AIDS because he was gay. Obama was the President-elect of the United States. He was also a black man. He is survived by his wife Michelle and two daughters. Obama was 47.

GUY, THAT

That Guy passed away last weekend due to complications from AIDS because he was gay. This Guy is currently held on suspicion of giving him the AIDS.

BUDDY

Buddy passed away last weekend due to complications from AIDS because he was gay. Buddy was some kind of labrador who preferred watermelons to America. He is survived by his owner, Bubba McGee. Buddy was 6.

THE LETTER X

The letter X passed away last weekend due to complications from AIDS because it was gay. X made frequent appearances on Sesame Street and was Malcom X's last name. It is survived by its neighbors W (No, not George W. Bush,) and Y. X was 2,832.

WINKLER, FRANCIS

Francis Winkler passed away last weekend due to complications from AIDS because he was gay. Winkler was a popular English teacher who was described by his students as "THE WORST PERSON EVER." He is survived by his pet chihuahua, Mr. Tinkler. Winkler was 42.

CAJEK

Cajek might have passed away last weekend. His death might have been due to complications from AIDS because he might be gay. He is survived by his older brother Chester. Cajek was 11.

YOU

You passed away last weekend due to complications from AIDS because you are gay. You are survived by nobody. You described your age as "old enough to know better, too young to care," because you are an asshole.