UnNews:Uncyclopedian fails "Guitar Hero II" at least 20 times
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
24 May 2007
STAIRWAY HAVEN, Oklahoma -- Guitarist and Uncyclopedian PF4Eva suffered a terrible tragedy when we went into a local Wal-Mart store and played Guitar Hero II on an XBox. Having never played the game before, but having played real guitar for over three years, PF4Eva found it difficult to play even the simplest of all songs -- "You Really Got Me" as made famous by Van Halen.
PF4Eva commented on the situation Wednesday, stating:
“The problem was that I wasn't playing the notes as they flew past the fretboard. I kept playing them earlier and earlier until some fat guy in the audience shouted 'Freebird!' and security tackled me off stage. This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me since Viacom canceled the Nick Rewind. I decided against using a tutorial until after four horrific attempts. Then I figured out how to access the tutorials and figure out how the hell you play this damn game.”
Unfortunately, he didn't finish the entire tutorial, which would have been very helpful.
Upon hearing the song for the fifth time, one onlooker reportedly exclaimed, "Oh, the humanity!" Another called '4Eva's fretwork "the worst music in the history of the world since Kevin Federline released Playing with Fire."
By the fifteenth time, an electronics clerk was on the phone with police, accusing PF4Eva of "breaking the 'Stairway' rule. Guitar Hero has a rule that says that the most sacred of rock songs shall not be played by losers, but by the true Guitar Heroes! So there!" The authorities escorted PF4Eva to the police car where he was charged with being the worst Guitar Hero II player in the history of forever. Sgt. Slaughter commented on the situation, saying "PF4Eva? What's that? Poop flinger Forever?" [Editor's note: It stands for "Pink Floyd forever."]
Later, PF4Eva, 21, played the guitar riff in question on his actual guitar and it sounded way better than when he played it in the video game, which saw a drop in sales due to this incident, and many more drops are expected until Guitar Hero III is released in 2013.
A national day of mourning is scheduled Friday. No trial date has been set as of yet, but Judge Judy is expected to preside.
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