UnNews:US releases Iran terror duck video
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
9 January 2008
HOLLYWOOD, California -- The US military has released video and audio recordings of Iranian boats that it says threatened to explode and totally mash up US Navy vessels in the Strait of Hormuz. The video clearly shows Iran's Evolutionary Guards deploying what military sources believe to be ducks trained as suicide bombers. Coalition forces have accused Iran of passing this technology to Shia groups in Iraq as many ducks have been spotted in the southern marshs. Duck based combat by proxy has become a problem in the Middle East in recent years.
Mr Bush said: "I don't know what their thinking was, but I'm telling you what I think it was, I think it was a duck, a duck shaped dagger pointed at the heart of freedom."
When asked whether he thought it was a provocative act he replied, "By us being there ? I certainly hope not. As I said, it looked more like a duck near some little boats to me."
Officials later clarified that the president meant to say "By the Iranians, yes, I think it was somewhat of a provocative act and not in a good flirty way like Britney".
UnNews can however look behind these diplomatic wordgames to reveal that, for reasons that are as yet unclear, the White House is significantly playing down the significance of this significant and far from insignificant event. As our graphics reveal, if you zoom out from the specific location of the not insignificant event you can see from the map showing U.S/Coalition military forces in place around Iran as of May 2007 that this event wasn't merely a "provocative act" affecting a small number of U.S. Navy ships, it was an attack on freedom itself and the very foundations of civilised international relations. It not only endangered the lives of the crew, it was a direct threat to the safety of the shockingly exposed quarter of a million coalition troops, 1,300+ combat aircraft and 40+ combatant ships in the region who have to live everyday with the threat of a crushing attack from bullyboy Goliath Iran overwhelming them.
Let us not forget the Iran Air Flight 655 near-tragedy in 1988 when so many U.S. servicemen on the USS Vincennes narrowly escaped a heartless suicide attack by a so called 'civilian' airplane in this very same place. The Iranians will stop at nothing to enslave the free world under shiaislamofascism.
Officials at the U.S. State Department who have been studying the map for some time recently noticed that there weren't any of those little military forces picture icon things in Turkmenistan, land of the beard ban and are making preparations to rectify this oversight. Turkmenistan's declaration of "permanent neutrality" was formally recognized by the United Nations in 1995 in what many conservatives regard as tantamount to an act of war against U.S. interests and consequently an act of war against humanity itself. As Edmund Bruke didn't say 'All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing' although he did say 'Tyrants seldom want pretexts'. It's very clear that he was wrong about that when it comes to behavior of the Iranian regime.
The media have been briefed to start preparing Turkmenistan related stories. UnNews reporters are currently banned from Turkmenistan.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- "Ducks and the Ducking Ducks Who Duck Them" Ducks and their role in lifesize games of Risk., January 9, 2008