UnNews:Swastika handbag recalled
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
23 September 2007
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MADRID - Fashion chain Zara (literally, “the Fourth Reich rises”) recalled a swastika-embroidered handbag from stores in countries in which there is a “sizeable Jewish population,” allowing the purse, which is alleged to be made of human skin, possibly of the scrotum, left over from the concentration camps of Nazi Germany, to be sold only in “mostly Gentile and anti-Semitic states” with “large neo-Nazi populations.”
A customer, Sarah Goldman, complained. “I survived the Holocaust,” she told Unnews’ reporter Lotta Lies, “but many of my family did not. Must we Jews be forever reminded of the cruelty we suffered by those who hate us because God elected us to be his chosen people?”
Zara is owned by Adolf Hister, who is being investigated as a possible Nazi war criminal. Unnews was unable to reach Hister, but a spokesman for him said, “Jews are an abomination.”
Other purses bear embroidered likenesses of the Nazi Führer, Adolph Hitler himself, and his top military and political aids, such as Heinrich Himmler, Joseph Goebbels, and Dr. Josef Mengele. Zara has promised to limit their distribution as well and has decided to cancel designs for gas chamber and mass burial purses as “a little gauche, perhaps.”
Instead, the fashion giant will release purses embroidered with “signs and symbols of the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender community and depictions of the various sexual positions in which such couples typically find themselves when coupling,” which, the company’s spokesman said, “obviously won’t offend anyone.”
One of their hottest sellers, the company predicts, will be their new purses for men, which are available in pleather, velvet, and satin and in pink, lavender, and fuchsia.
California's Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has already ordered one for his desk.
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- Lotta Lies "Putting one’s money where one’s purse is" Instant News, 28 nanoseconds ago