UnNews:Smith acquired by Islanders

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2 March 2007

Scouts claim Smith's weakness is her 5-hole.

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LONG ISLAND, NY -- New York Islanders General Manager, Garth Snow, announced today that his team has attained the rights to Anna Nicole Smith's body, just before the NHL trading deadline.

Mr Snow stated, "Coach Nolan has been nagging me for months to get some more bodies on the team, so I decided to give that whiny prick exactly what he wanted, a body. Go fuck yourself Teddy!" Islanders coach Ted Nolan couldn't be reached for comment.

Toronto Maple Leafs GM Johnny 'One Time' Ferguson praised Snow on the Smith acquisition. "Not only has he found a solution for his goaltending troubles, and trust me, a dead Anna Nicole Smith will have better reflexes than Rick Dipietro on his best day, but he'll also pack The Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum with gawkers wanting to see the starlet's corpse, which will perserve well on the ice surface. Hey, people are still paying to see Billy Joel perform and his talent has been dead for years."

Howard K. Stern was all smiles while talking about the arrangement. "Anna always admired Walt Disney and she wanted to be frozen in case science one day found a cure for 'batshit crazy'. This truly is how she'd want us handle her remains.