UnNews:Pinball Machine from King Tut's Tomb Surprises Oxford Archaeologist

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Wednesday, November 9, 2022

UnNews Logo Potato.png This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.
Archaeologist and 'Sunday Papers Podcast' host Mike Gibbons seeks missing King Tut items.

CAIRO, Egypt The Oxford Archaeologist and Sunday Papers Podcast host and Snarkeologist Mike Gibbons who led the excavation into King Tut's tomb a decade ago may have incorrectly identified some ancient Egyptian pinball machines as altars.  A random isotope scanning of what initially was thought to be an altar for animal sacrifice to the esteemed pharaoh Tutankhamun revealed what is now recognized as being a 'Knight Rider' pinball machine.  "I'm just as surprised as the next guy!" said Gibbons when asked at church by an UnNews reporter. "How was I supposed to know?! Ask someone who's Irish-THOSE people are SMART!".

News stations report Gibbons and his team are now tracking down universities, collectors, and museums across the Europe in an attempt to return other artifacts that were possible misidentified.

Tutankhamun's tomb, discovered a century ago on Nov. 4, 1922, contained many kewl artifacts. But some of the pharaoh's belongings have gone misidentified despite best archaeological practices being utilized in the tomb in Egypt

All of Tutankhamun's 'priceless' jewelry taken out of his dark Egyptian tomb are now thought to be dice from the popular 'Dungeons & Dragons' tabletop role playing game.  Tiles removed and sent to Manchester have shown to be Ancient Egyptian 'Scrabble'. A tapestry hanging for 75 years in a chapel in Keswick has an uncanny resemblence to the board game 'Stratego'.  Church services have since been moved to a nearby Taco Bell where parishoners are urged to avoid the line by downloading the app or order from any of the convenient kiosks located in the narthex.

King Tutankhamun's or 'King Tut' as the kewl kidz call him ruled the fertile Nile Valley, home of Nile Valley High School for the Performing Arts in Ancient North Africa, or 'Frika' as the kewl kidz call it, in 3000 BC (Before Cheetos).  The history of ancient Egypt occurred as a series of periods known as 'Middle Periods': Starting with the Old Kingdom Period of the Middle Bronze Age, then the Middle Kingdom Period of the Old Bronze Age, then the Middle Bronze Old Age Period, the Old Middle Kingdom Period of the Old Bronze age, the Kingdom of the Bronze Age Period, etc.  It was a confusing time for many people until Alexander the Great began the transition to a more chronological and orderly system.  Upon his death his son Alexander the Not-As-Great continued the endeavor, then followed by Alexander the Great II, next, Great Alexander the 1st., then Pretty Great Alexander, and the arrival of Alexander the Shizzle-Wizzle.  At that point it was confusing to everyone. 

Gibbons will be hosting a traveling educational lecture series next year.  For those who are interested, the Museum du Egypt in Birmingham-on-Rye is holding a conference in July 2023 called 'The Pharoahs of Ancient Egypt-Who Dey?'. Admission is free with a donation of two canned goods and at least one Brazil nut.

This article is full of crap.jpg