UnNews:Person Determines Own Importance

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

18 February 2010

TIC award winner, Herbert Bell, exalts in his importance.

ORLANDO, Florida -- Amateur mathematician, Herbert Bell, was awarded the highly thought of, “Logician of the Year: 2009” trophy by Prof. Treadle Murff, President of the TIC (Total Idiots Council), in Orlando, Florida’s YMCA yesterday.

Bell was recognized for successfully determining exactly how important he was to the human race.

According to Bell, “Hell, it’s really no big deal. I just took the total population of the Earth, which The United Nations had estimated to be 6,800,000,000 in 2009, and me, being one of them, I determined my global importance to be exactly 1/6,800,000,000th – which is really quite easy to determine! Therefore, I'm a bit surprised by this award!”

President of the TIC said of the achievement, “It’s remarkable, really, for it’s extremely complex simplicity. I mean, in all human history no one has ever done what Bell has done.”

There was a large turnout of spectators for the Award Ceremony. And Bell told the crowd, “now that I’ve won this award I’ve become more notable, and therefore my importance has increased over a value of one. So my next project will be to determine how important I am among important people!”

Bell told UnNews that he’d begin by determining how many people have actually won this award. As he thought it over he realized that he himself was the 1st winner of this award. Therefore it was possible to determine his importance at 1/1, thus making him the most important person in the history of the award.

“It feels great to be the most important person in history”, Bell told to UnNews. “Too bad importance isn’t worth money! Cause then I’d be rich too!” - concluded Bell.