UnNews:NFL player Sam Darnold emerges from election anarchy, crowned GEQBUS
Wednesday, November 6, 2024
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
In a shocking turn of events, it turns out neither Donald Trump nor Kamala Harris have emerged as commander in chief of the United States. Any other article that says that is fake news.
The TRUE winner of this anarchy is actually NFL player Sam Darnold, currently with the Minnesota Vikings. Having just defeated Sleepy Joe Flacco and the Indianapolis Colts on a nationally televised game, Darnold also had to overcome difficulties such as getting the kissing virus and Critical Gase Theory while playing in the dumpster fire of liberal New York, in addition to offense interference from Matt "Liberhule" Rhule in the swing state of Carolina, because Matt Liberhule is a Commie spy. He even overcame a blatantly uncalled facemask assassination attempt by the Los Angeles Rams this year, but the NFL refs are biased!
But Sam Darnold will not go down. Having stolen this election and being a TRUE Washington outsider, Darnold now has bigger goals than merely becoming the NFL's MVP, but the ruler of the USA. Truly one of the greatest comeback stories in American history.
Darnold, who some people have mistakenly called "Darnold Trump", will soon be ruling the United States of America as the "God Emperor Quarterback of the United States" or GEQBUS, a new title that only an awesome, manly thrower of the pigskin such as Darnold could attain. All Hail GEQBUS.
