UnNews:2024 U.S. election cancelled, anarchy inevitable
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
WASHINGTON, District of Columbia, U.S.A., November 5, 2024
Literally nobody expected this, and we have no idea how such a thing could happen. Everyone in the House of Representatives and the Senate has either been sacked, assassinated, moved to Canada, committed suicide, or given up. It appears that, as one rationally crazy senator from Michigan said:
“You know, if I had to choose between a legitimately insane old orange fucker who’s claimed by some to be anti-democracy, and some bitch who basically nobody I know liked before she started running, I’d pull out a fucking kitchen knife and stab myself in the heart.”
The election results have already been declared: 0 to 0 electoral votes. Nothing like this has ever happened in the history of America, of course, so we have no fucking clue what to do. Sure, the USA has rules for a tie in the election, but no electoral votes at all? What are we even supposed to do?
Luckily, a few random guys scribbled some extra words in the Constitution just in time, saying that the U.S. government would disband if it declared itself to be that unpopular among its own members.
The Future of a Dead Nation[edit | edit source]
It is likely that the 50 states, without a federal government to support them, will collapse as well, followed by the counties, creating a political Big Rip that eventually results in total anarchy. Will this anarchy work? Most Americans doubt it, according to our polls. What is likely to follow is a partition of the collapsed nation by Canada, Mexico, Russia and China, or… something. But only time will tell what may be the future of this place. Still, anarchy followed by foreign takeover is probably better than having either Trump or Harris as president, anyway, so you know, I guess we all win.