UnNews:Mel Gibson goes to ground
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
28 December 2009
BULL GOOSE LOONY Mel Gibson has undertaken yet another effort to draw needless attention to himself by "going feral". Living in the forest of somewhere in California on a diet of pine cones and the flesh of small animals, he claims that he's become closer to God and nature. "Plus, it feels really great to sink your teeth into a still-breathing critter," he said in an exclusive interview with UnNews.
Known for his adherence to Catholic cult Opus Dei, hilarious anti-Semitic rantings, contributing excessively to the human population, and leaving his wife for a young hussy, this latest move was greeted by some with a yawn. "When Hollywood types start to lose it, things are exciting in the beginning, but soon Celeb Fatigue sets in, and the public is hungry for a new piece of meat", said Ed Darling of Hollywood gossip rag Weeping Open Sores. "Mel could grow pointed ears before we'd give him a second look, these days."
Ironically, Gibson has grown pointed ears, and gained some facial features some might call "decidedly canine". Anthropologist Clark Strumpette told UnNews, "Living the way he is, all naked and filthy like a savage, and eating the stuff he does... his DNA is bound to be affected. I wouldn't be surprised if he becomes a werewolf, or maybe a sasquatch."
Science and the society page have weighed in, but what does Mel Gibson say about Mel Gibson? "This is fucking great! I'm telling you, once the DTs went away, life became profound for me again."
