UnNews:Former UnNews writer admits to suppressing conservative news

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Sunday, May 15, 2016


Vote for Trump Hillary or Bernie in 2016.

LOS ANGELES, California -- You may have noticed a lack of news on UnNews since we forked from Wikia in 2013, especially in 2015 and this year. But apparently, there's a good reason for that. A former UnNews writer has come forward and admitted that UnNews has been suppressing conservative or conservative-leaning news.

The writer, who wishes to remain anonymous, was banned in 2007 for questioning his seventh-grade English teacher's sexual orientation and creating sock puppet accounts, but was asked back as an UnNews writer in 2011. Mr. X alleges that he and several other UnNews writers have been rejecting news stories that favor conservative interests.

"Yeah, I was in the stages of writing an UnNews back in 2013 in which Mitt Romney announces he'll run again in 2016," the writer says. "But my fellow writers told me to ban any right-leaning stories, because we don't want to be seen as such."

The writer even listed UnNews stories which were rejected for being too conservative:

  • UnNews:Why Lincoln was wrong about slavery (January 15, 2013)
  • UnNews:Why you need to stop bitching about American Sniper (February 3, 2015)
  • UnNews:White officers are not using excessive force on black suspects (April 4, 2015)
  • UnNews:Fox News more credible than CNN (several times in 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, and 2016)
  • UnNews:There's too much sex on TV and in movies (2013, 2014, 2015, 2016)
  • UnNews:Why Trump will make America great again (March 1, 2016)
  • UnNews:Bernie Sanders too old to run for president (March 1, 2016)
  • UnNews:Why there will never be, and should never be, a woman president (March 1, 2016)
  • UnNews:We need more TV shows like Matlock (May 10, 2016)
  • UnNews:Why Obama's presidency was a massive failure (May 10, 2016)
  • UnNews:Reagan Alzheimer's not funny (May 10, 2016)

All right. I'll come clean. Yes, of course we've been suppressing conservative news. Because here at UnNews, we proudly push our liberal agenda. Because there's no comedy in conservatism; there's only comedy in anti-conservatism. For example, Growing Pains was funny until Kirk Cameron sold out and became a hardcore Christian. Your dad's jokes will never be as funny as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Sam Kinison, or Andrew Dice Clay.

Your dad will never be as funny as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Sam Kinison, or Andrew Dice Clay.

Conservative people are narrow-minded assholes who want life to be like the 1800s, or at least like a 1950s sitcom. A world in which blacks are "separate but equal," you can't say "pregnant" on TV, The Lone Ranger is a child's role model, women are stay-at-home wives who cook and clean, and children who vote Democratic are disowned by their parents.

The world is round, people. This is the 21st century. Blacks can vote. Women can vote. A black man is president, and has been since 2009. The Republican party is a mess, and has been since Reagan left office. Gays have as much right to marry as straights do. A man can grow his hair however the hell long he wants. You all need to get with the times, people!

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