UnNews:Alzheimer's advocacy group offended by 'Never Forget'

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Monday, September 12, 2016

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NEW YORK CITY -- When will the time come to break the taboo of making fun of 9/11? A Walmart Coke display resembling the Twin Towers sparked outrage, as did an ad for a 9/11 sale at San Antonio's Miracle Mattress. And a recent CNN article condemned both stunts; the writer of that article seriously needs to grow up and quit being a fucking baby.

And now, an Alzheimer's advocacy group is riding the political correctness dick train. Alzheimer's advocacy group Delivering Americans' Memories Newly and Overriding (A)Lzheimer's Disease ("we're working on the name," the group says) is taking unjustified offense against the 9/11 slogan, "Never Forget."

"This slogan is deeply offensive to the Alzheimer's community," says DAMNOLD president Ethel Matlock. "Alzheimer's sufferers struggle every day with their memories; some don't even remember their own names. How the hell would you expect them to remember 9/11?"

And in case you, yourself, forgot what happened that fateful day, I'll do the best I can, but the details get a little fuzzy. On September 11, 2001, some bad dude named Obama Aladdin or something like that said hi to Jack on a plane that hit two tall twin skyscrapers in New York City. I think that bald black guy from the movies was on that plane, that Fishburne guy. Bah, who cares about such a trivial thing like that? And I think Aladdin was working for Weird Al Qaedavitch or something like that.

But anyway, what's really important to remember: Two planes; one hit each tower. Both towers fell to the ground, killing several. It was essentially the end of the 1990s from a cultural standpoint. The era of Clinton, peace and prosperity was replaced by the era of Bush, war and paranoia.

When asked for alternative slogans for the attacks, Matlock suggested "A very important day" and "Something significant happened in history; you don't necessarily have to remember it, but just acknowledge it, whether you remember it or not."

Not quite as memorable.

Nota bene: To those of you who are still easily offended, it was fifteen years ago. Osama bin Laden is dead. Guh-daffy is dead. Kim Jong-Il is dead. There's no need to worry about North Korea, Syria, or ISIS. The only thing we have to fear... is Trump himself. And even then, there's no way in hell he's gonna win.