UnNews:2020 refuses to concede, vows to continue one more year

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Friday, January 1, 2021

TIMES SQUARE, New York City -- Baby New Year Two Thousand Twenty Anno Domini (or 2020, for short) is refusing to pass the torch to his successor, 2021, when the ball drops at midnight Eastern Standard Time tonight. Since November, he has refused to accept defeat, going to ridiculous (and illegal) measures in a vain attempt to cling onto his power... only to be defeated yet again, even as far as the United States Supreme Court And now, 2020 is vowing to remain in office for "at least" one more year, "maybe four."

On Thursday, the outgoing year tweeted:

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@realtwentytwenty
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6:30 PM - 31 Dec 2020
Twitter reply.png      Twitter retweet.png 5000    Twitter heart.png 2021


Mr. Twenty bet his life on a highly contentious referendum that would have allowed him to continue being the year for the next four years. Enough people pushed back that 2021 was elected to be the sworn in on January 1 of the coming year. Even Twenty's right-wing allies have already admitted that he lost bigly.

"It's not fair! It was rigged!" Twenty has repeatedly claimed without evidence. "It's a fac-- fa-- fac...tuh, fact... I hate that word that I beat 2021 by 7 million votes."

2020 is already considered to be the worst year ever, or at least since 2016. Some of the lowlights include COVID-19, the death of Kobe Bryant, the death of George Floyd and the ensuing racial justice protests, murder hornets, the death of Alex Trebek, Donald Trump's pre- and post-election antics, more celebrity deaths than I can count, a Bob Dylan song about John F. Kennedy that devolves into asking Alexa to play his Spotify playlist, PC/Cancel Culture run amok, and the Warner Bros.-HBO Max mess. It was a year so bad, it was impeached last year.

Sources[edit]

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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.