Transformers: Dark Of The Moon
| Transformers: Dark Of The Moon | |
|---|---|
 Michael Bay's transformers are going to destroy you... this time, it's PERSONAL | |
| Directed by | Michael Bay |
| Written by | A crazed group of demolitionists and pyrotechnicians |
| Screenplay by | Explosions |
| Produced by | A rowdy group of CGI crackheads |
| Cinematography | Explosions |
| Edited by | None, it's completely unfiltered |
| Music by | Steve Jablonsky |
Production company | Hasbro (duh) |
| Distributed by | Paramount |
Release dates | June 29th, 2011 |
Running time | 154 minutes |
| Country | U.S.A |
| Language | English |
| Budget | Like, a lot of $$$ man! |
| Box office | Even more than the budget of the film, which is a lot btw |
 | This page contains Transformers! So, find all the Mini-Cons, destroy the Allspark, stop the Decepticons, reprogram the stasis pods, defend the Autobots, plant the seeds of the future, process all the energon, activate the Omega Lock, open the Matrix, drink 2 gallons of a mercury-lead cocktail, light our darkest hour, and eliminate even the toughest stains! |
Transformers: Dark of the Moon, alternatively titled Michael Bay's Explosion-o-Rama, is the most insane film ever, like I'm not kidding when I say it, it's sooooo insane!
After that shitshow known as Revenge of the Fallen, Michael Bay (debatably) redeems himself with the most insane, explosion filled, action packed action film ever. It also won the Guinness World Record for highest-grossing robot movie of all time, which will never be topped.
Plus, there's no Megan Fox, so we're getting another sexy girl for Shia LaBeouf!
Production history[edit | edit source]
After the huge undeserved success of Revenge of the Fallen, Bay was casually exploding things in his awesome house, y'know, awesome barbeques? Awesome pools? Then, when he exploded something in front of his Bumblebee replica, and had yet another billion dollar idea, being a Hollywood director, he decided to recast the robots from the portal in Bay's basement, along with casting new robots to be in his film.
He also found out that in his swimming pool, he had a portal to the moon, which gave him the idea of the movie's name, pretty cool innit?
Paramount and Hasbro, for the third time decided that it would be a no-brainer to give Bay a quadrillion dollars to make the movie, along with permits to literally lay Chicago to waste, cus y'know? He's Michael Bay, he wants his movies to be 1000% authentic, even if it means mass genocide of humans and robots along with the coolest explosions you'll ever see.
To promote the movie, an evacuation order was placed for all of Chicago to see. It informed citizens that Michael Bay was making yet another insane blockbuster film, therefore people needed to evacuate unless they'd want to get killed in an Autobot/Decepticon crossfire. Nobody cared because they wanted to be in a Michael Bay movie, those dorks learned that out the hard way.
Characters[edit | edit source]
Humans[edit | edit source]
Nobody cares about them, but I'll just spill the beans.
Sam Witwicky: He's back! And pretty much more annoying and whiny than before!
That one human who sides with the decepticons at the end of the film whose name I forgot: Did he learn nothing from Dr. Arkeville from that one Transformers G1 episode?
Buzz Aldrin: The only human that's noteworthy, yes he's in the film. And yes, he talked with Optimus Prime himself.
Carly Spencer: Sam's new sexy girlfriend. What happened to Mikeala Banes will forever remain a mystery, but I know what happened. You see she- Wait wait, HOLLYWOOD OFFICIALS???? YOU'RE GONNA KILL ME FOR MY KNOWLEDGE???? YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALI-
Hey so uh, sorry about that, the previous writer of this page was murdered for knowing this confidential information. Fortunately, i'll finish what this guy couldn't because he was killed for knowing confidential info, this part is all there is to know about the humans.
Autobots[edit | edit source]
Optimus Prime: Still the psychopathic, insane war criminal he is, but this time, he stays in the nest base all grouchy and shit because he was at Chernobyl at one point and shockwave stole some important artifact or something.
Sentinel Prime: He's old! And also the former leader of the Autobots. He was found crashed on the dark side of the moon and FUCKIN' BETRAYS THE AUTOBOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Since he's a traitor, he has his own space in the decepticons section too. He's also voiced by Spock, if that matters.
Bumblebee: Still the lovable kid appeal character he is! Now he's fighting terrorists in Iran with his buddies Que, Sideswipe, and Dino (no affiliation to the Dinobots).
Que/Wheeljack: He's the scientist of the Autobots, and is based off of Q from james bond. However, due to his addiction to a strange substance known as "robotox", he looks like this malfomed whatchamacallit aimed to look like Albert Einstein.
Dino (no relation to the Dinobots)/Mirage: He has cool shoulder blades and is red, but other than that, kinda appears almost nowhere until the highway battle and the end of the movie.
Sideswipe: Has a bigger role in this movie than in Revenge of the Fallen, damn he's good.
Ironhide: The absolute badass of the entire film, WHO FUCKING DIES AT THE END OF THE MOVIE BY THE HAND OF SENTINEL PRIME!!!!!!!! WHY, MICHAEL BAY???? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??????????????????????
Wheelie: The malformed freak's back, but less perverted than before, I assume. He's also got a friend who's equally as malformed and who thankfully dies in the end.
Brains: The other aformentioned malformed freak. He and Wheelie sacrifice themselves at the end of the film (thankfully).
The wreckers: Badass fatasses consisting of Kris, Susie and Ral-waiiiiiiittttt a minute!!
The Dinobots (no relation to Dino/Mirage): THEY'RE STILL NOT IN THIS MOVIE! DAMNIT!!!
Decepticons[edit | edit source]
Megatron: He's back yet again, and this time, he's not messing around anymore! Cause he has a shotgun of sorts!!! He also barely appears in the movie or something.
Sentinel Prime: He betrays the autobots! See what we mean?
Starscream: The not-so-traitorous F-22 is still alive! And he gets killed off in the most pathetic way possible, by Sam Witwicky, they did him dirty!
Shockwave and his worm: The man of logic finally reaches the silver screen [wrong, he was in the 1986 film] and is barely used. He was also planned to be the main villain of the film but was replaced by Sentinel! Such illogical nonsense! He also has a worm.
Soundwave: He FINALLY makes it to Earth to avenge his ravage, and also has a cool voice just like in the G1 cartoon! He also has a pet who's a pedophile.
Laserbeak: Soundwave's pedophile pet condor. He's also a murderer too, just so you know.
Other Decepticon no-names and lackeys too numerous to mention: There's loads of Decepticons in this film, don't take a shot every time a Decepticon appears though!
Barricade: He lived, bitch.
Plot[edit | edit source]
Basically, first things first, like the later Michael Bay Transformers films, it starts with batshit insane action on Cybertron, where it carries a special cargo of sorts. Then, it crashes on the moon and catches the eye of JFK, which is why he ordered the moon mission in the first place. He was assassinated, so Tricky Dick took the mantle.
The astronauts find dead Transformers in the ship and get some cargo, then fast forward to today (or should i say, 2011) where Optimus and Nest find something in Chernobyl, but get attacked by Shockwave and his worm, sadly they're both useless and flee.
Some filler happens. Blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda.
The Autobots and Nest rediscover Sentinel prime, Sentinel's really grouchy and allat.
Then, kickass highway battle with Decepticon no-names against Sideswipe and Ironhide!
Then, you guessed it! FILLER!!!
Then Sentinel betrays the autobots, and humans being humans, exile them to space to die by Starscream.
Then, Decepticons take over Earth (actually it's just Chicago, but who cares)
But, big shocker! AUTOBOTS LIIIIIVVVEEE!! And kickass fighting ensues, forgot to mention but Que dies, Although he looked ugly, i actually felt bad for him ngl.
Then, Sentinel and Optimus get in a big fight!!!!!!! Oh, and also there's a battle with Bumblebee and Soundwave, can you guess who wins? Spoiler alert, it's Bumblebee cus the good guys always win.
Carly convinces Megatron that Sentinel's a baddie who will use him as his sex slave, Megatron is convinced (wild).
Then Optimus kills Megatron by ripping his head off with an axe and blows Sentinel's brains out, all Decepticons are dead, mega happy ending!!!!!
Plot for people with ADHD[edit | edit source]
Explosions and action.
Reception[edit | edit source]
It's debated in the Transformers fandom that DoTM is debatably as good as the first Transformers movie, even though it has less plot than Revenge of the Fallen, maybe it has better action scenes? I dunno, but other than that, it was a billion-dollar success, being the most profitable robot movie ever by the Guinness World Records, which is probabaly like, the amount of money in Mansa Musa's net worth.
It was gonna be the final movie, BUT......[edit | edit source]
Paramount pushed Bay to make a fourth one.
Yeah....
But hey! At least the Dinobots finally appear in Age of Extinction!