The Apocolypse Conspiracy Theory

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

“Evil is coming”

~ A crazy blind man on The apocolypse conspracy theory

“Evil is coming, so let's fuck.”

~ Kate Moss on The apockylips conspurrhurr fingy an' all that

“Evil is coming, so let's play a love game.”

~ Lady Gaga on The apocalypse conspiracy theory

Loads of Secret things are going on and people like Tony Blair and George Bush are plotting the end of the world. It is all organised by a group called 'The Old World Order' in conjunction with the Illuminati

Be afraid, Be very afraid (although I recommend you do not be racist)

Brad Farsley[edit | edit source]

Brad Farsley is the head of 'The Old World Order' and lives in their headquarters which is hidden in a secret hatch below a KFC somewhere in Nevada. He was born on 1 February 1937 in his parents home(23 Gartop street) in Las Vegas. He is from a family of 23 and is an expert in brainwashing. He discovered he could contact aliens at a young age and dreamed of utilising their skills to create a perfect Nazi race. He brainwashed many powerful politicians and scientists allowing him to form 'The Old World Order'. No-one knows what he looks like as he has a personal plastic surgeon who gives him facial recostuction surgery every 6 months. It is also believed he has had numerous sex changes to stay under the radar. He only speaks to people in special enclosed capsules placed in blind spots where satellites cannot detect any of the conversation.Some fundamentalist evangelical Christian ideologies about the conspiracy include a prominent religious element based on prophecies in the Book of Revelation about the coming of the Anti-Christ. They assert that Brad is an agent of Satan and that he aims to deceive humanity into accepting an international demonic order that has Satan at the core of worship.

Elvis and JFK[edit | edit source]

Elvis and JFK are still alive, they faked their deaths in order to conribute to the apocolypse. They were brainwashed and are secretly living in the middle of nowhere in order to avoid detection. When JFK was assinated it was actually some random person who the 'The Old World Order' had captured and gave facial reconstrctive surgery to make him look like JFK. Elvis didn't die they just forced his secret twin brother to put on weight then killed him and placed him on the toilet. When Elvis's twin died he weighed exactly 23 stone.

Roswell[edit | edit source]

The Aliens before they disguised themselves.

Roswell was a big cover up intentionally done up to look like an alien crash so that people would make theories about an alien crash and would not realize the aliens had formed an alliance with the 'The Old World Order' and disguised themselves as humans. The Aliens are now among us plotting the destruction of Earth with the 'The Old World Order'. There are 23 Aliens and countless Alein-Human Hybrids. Not all of the Aliens are known so be careful anybody could be one. The aliens have given 'The Old world order' technology to aid in mind control techniques.

KFC[edit | edit source]

KFC is one of the main components of this conspiracy

'The Old World Order' own KFC and put in a secret ingrediant to make people impototent. This is because the only thing that can kill the aliens and human-alien hybrids is sperm. Exactly 23 pieces of KFC chicken is enough to make someone impotent.

Cloning[edit | edit source]

'The Old World Order' own 23 secret labs believed to be somewhere in Scotland where they use DNA collected from corpses to clone replicas of dead people. With the technology they have it is believed they can produce 23 clones per year. It is not known how long this programme has been running so the full extent of how many living clones there are is unknown.

Terrorism[edit | edit source]

Terrorism is organised by the 'The Old World Order' to distract people from the truth. 9/11 was not caused by Al-Qaida, it was done by the 'The Old World Order'. The attack was meticulously planned by a clone of Kurt Cobain and it is believed the planes were hijacked by 23 hired Bin Laden lookalikes

MIB[edit | edit source]

The Men in Black go around in black helicopters assinating people who know anything about 'The Old World Order'. It is ran by Leonid Brezhnev who personally recruits people, mostly those with military experience who have went insane through their war experiences. There is always exactly 23 members of MIB

The Apocolypse[edit | edit source]

When every country is ran by a member of the 'The Old World Order' they ban masturbation and sex on 23/12/2023 so sperm is no longer produced preventing deaths of Aliens so they will be invincable and can plant 23 super bombs worldwide which will destroy the Earth. 'The Old World Order' and Illuminati will then fly to mars and start a new perfect society with Nazi rule and there will be 23 cities built on mars.

Known Members of 'The Old World Order[edit | edit source]

Aliens disguised as humans[edit | edit source]

Alien Human Hybrids[edit | edit source]

Dead People they have cloned[edit | edit source]

See Also[edit | edit source]

Retrieved from "https://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=The_Apocolypse_Conspiracy_Theory&oldid=5404279"