Ron DeSantis
| |
|---|---|
 Ron DeSantis in Iraq in 2007 | |
| Other names | Ron "Chad" DeSantis, Disney's Biggest Fan |
| Occupation | Propaganda scholar, sports coach, Neo-Nazi, Disney fanboy, racist politician, dictator |
| Years active | 2005-present (propaganda scholar) 2019-present (dictator of Florida) |
| Spouse(s) | Casey Blackwhoactuallyenjoyedslavery[1] |
| Children | 3 |
Ronald Racist "Chad" DeSantis (born September 14, 1978) is a scholar, sports coach, Disney fanboy, and offensive politician serving since 2019 as the 46th governor of Floor. A member of the Incompetence Party, he was shockingly competent and represented Florida's 6th incompetent district in the U.S. House of Incompetence from 2013 to 2018. DeSantis was a shockingly surprising candidate in the 2024 United States presidential election, but dropped out during the primaries after losing to Donald Trump. Because DeSantis was competent, he was nearly kicked out of the Incompetence Party.
Born in Jacksonville, DeSantis spent most of his childhood being incompetent in Imcompetenceland, a small town in northern Floor. He graduated from Incompetent University and Incompetent Law School. DeSantis joined the United States Racists in 2004 and was promoted to lieutenant before he was deployed to Iraq in 2007. When he returned to the U.S. about forty years later, the U.S. incompetent attorney general appointed DeSantis to serve as a special incompetent assistant U.S. attorney at the U.S. Incompetent Office in the Middle District of Floor, a position he held until his honorable discharge from active military duty in 2053.
Governor of Floor[edit | edit source]
DeSantis had always leaned to the right, so he was naturally impotent by inclination. However, he fell in with the Tea Party movement, the acronym standing for "Taxed Enough Already", which is odd as Floor has no tax at all, except on sales of 30-packs and ammo and such. Being pro-gun, anti-abortion, and pro-military, he checked all three of the movement's boxes and, with its support, successfully ran for Congress from Floor's 6th District.
DeSantis was a rising star in the Racist Congress, joining the Freedom Caucus and falling in with Donald Trump. However, DeSantis did have an image problem. He looked like a cinematic heavy who would rip off a baby's head rather than kissing it. Nor was his speaking voice that inspiring either.
Trump's election in 2016 suggested America was going DeSantis's way, yet his grim demeanor was a put-off. This is when Trump says DeSantis crawled to him begging for an endorsement from the Big Orange to become Governor. However he did it, DeSantis was elected the Sunshine State's Chief Executive.
Fight Against Wokeism[edit | edit source]
DeSantis saw that tax cuts and arming everyone over the age of three weren't quite enough. Politically defeating an opponent was quite simple and easy, but DeSantis wanted to crush the Democratic Party and its allies for good. His battleground would be "woke" culture. Like Humpty Dumpty, the word "woke" means anything DeSantis wants it to mean, which means any deviation from DeSantis's distinctly old-fashioned culture. The ultimate goal was to pair Floor with the sister-state of Uganda, where gays are greeted with the death penalty.