Montgomery County, Maryland

“Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded.”

~ Yogi Berra

Montgomery County (also known as MoCo and Mongomerry) is the most populous county in the US state of Maryland. It is one of the most diverse counties in the nation. It boasts the wealthiest, poorest, whitest, blackest, and brownest zip codes in the United States. It has a superiority complex with Washington, D.C. and Prince George's County and an inferiority complex with Northern Virginia.

History

Founding

Montgomery County was carved out of Frederick County on August 31, 1776 when everyone was too busy fighting in the Revolutionary War to pay attention. It was named for Richard Montgomery, who successfully conquered eastern Canada during the Revolutionary War but decided to returned it because it had too many French people. Because it was carved out of Frederick County, it was naturally a majority redneck population.

After George Washington was inaugurated as the first U.S. president in 1789, one of his first orders of business was to establish Washington, D.C. as the national capital. Montgomery County was able to sell off its portion to the federally-controlled district at $500 million per acre.

19th Century

Once Washington, D.C. was established, work began on building transportation for the district. Congress approved the Chesapeake and Ohio Canal connecting Washington to Pittsburgh, because in their infinite wisdom they thought Pittsburgh would be relevant and boats moving 3 mph would serve the country's transportation needs. More than halfway through the canal's construction, they realized their misjudgement and instead constructed Interstate 95, the Capital Beltway, and Interstate 270. Everyone in the region hated the roads but agreed they were still better than a waterway with a speed limit of 3 mph.

20th Century

The county grew rapidly in the mid to late 20th century, welcoming particularly large groups of Asians. Wootton High School was renamed to Wonton in their honor. The county also welcomed in a bunch of assholes as Washington politics began to sour.

21st Century

The biotech industry boomed in Montgomery County during the first couple decades, with a massive research and development corridor set up along I-270. Then it went boom in 2020; an explosion caused the SARS-2 virus known as COVID-19 to get airborne and become a global pandemic.

Geography

Bethesda

About as snobby as Potomac, but with fewer NIMBYs.

Gaithersburg

This once-beautiful community that was home to the largest biotech corridor in the country is now ground-zero for the Covid explosion.

Potomac

Sorry, you can't afford it. And neither can its residents. They buy horses instead of paying toward their mortgage.

Rockville

Also known as Cockville, this is the county seat. When R.E.M. wrote the song "Don't Go Back to Rockville", they meant it.

Silver Spring

Almost everything east of Georgia Avenue is Silver Spring. Northern Prince George's County, Delaware, and Portugal are considered part of Silver Spring. However, county officials decided that Takoma Park was too hippie to be part of Silver Spring. Both Silver Spring and Takoma Park were relieved at that news.