Nostalgia Critic
“Hello, I’m the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don’t have to.”
“See this guy? Yeah, he’s a fat loser!”
“Doug Walker is amazing. Nobody can defeat all the religious fools quite like him.”
“I’m not a slave to a god that doesn’t exist!”
Doug Walker, also known as The Nostalgia Critic, is an American writer, YouTube personality, sex offender, political commentator, and atheist. He became famous for being unfunny with his criticism of Nostalgia, a religious belief formed by the kids of the '80s and '90s wave of children. This sparked a debate on the topic of sexuality and if he can be considered a neck beard since he lacks any substantial amount of hair anywhere. He used his popularity to start a nerdy news outlet known as "That Guy with the Glasses", which is made up of man children and ugly lesbians, and was renamed to "Channel Awesome" when he lost a war to control the site.
While Doug Walker is a staunch antitheistic atheist – as Doug himself would say to that, "Redundant much Redundant?" – he has rarely ever touched upon Christianity or Islam, instead focusing exclusively on Nostalgia and hiding his obvious homosexuality from his disabled subscribers.
Early life[edit | edit source]
The Critic was born in Naples, Italy, due to his parents visiting there. He later moved to Chicago, where he would be mistakenly identified by other children as the Disney and Nickelodeon Doug, and would be made fun of for his supposed last name being "Funnie". Ironically, Doug would later become funny enough with his attacks against religion.
The Nostalgia Critic[edit | edit source]
Doug first rose to prominence under his pen name "The Nostalgia Critic", in which he talked about the religion of Nostalgia. Nostalgia, as he would make clear, was a dangerous and corrupt religious movement started by bratty '90s and '80s children who were defensive of their gods – the cartoons of those decades. Their gods, according to Doug, were dead, but those kids refused to acknowledge this! As expectable, Doug was screamed at by the adherents of the religion all over the internet, with many priests declaring Critic a blasphemer who needed to be stoned by His Masculinity Lord Heh-Maahn, also known as "He-Man" when translated from the Nostalgaic language Toihcomerschahl. Nostalgiaists were also offended by Critic's criticism of the environmental god of nature, Captain Uerth. Both of these gods were worshiped from action cartoons from the past decades, and were widely regarded as possessing biologically advanced memetics.
The last straw, however, came with realizing good potential in one of the gods over another. When talking about Sonic the Hedgehog, Doug chose to praise the Sonic-like god Sah'Tam, a god widely considered to Nostalgiaic equivalent of Satan, over the god A'Osth. This resulted in an outrage against what many considered a messiah of childhood comedy. Doug Walker eventually admitted that A'Osth was hilarious, but would have been a truly evil god of tyranny. Sonic the Hedgehog himself would later comment on this: "I've dealt with imposters before, so I thank Critic for stifling lies about my nature."
This review, however, brought the Critic to the attention of Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, and Sam Harris. They were amazed by his talented and thorough criticisms of Nostalgiaic religious beliefs.
Rivalry with The Angry Video Game Nerd[edit | edit source]
Over time, many fans of both Nostalgia Critic and James Rolfe, also known as the A.V.G.N., started comparing the two, noting how Doug's profanity and gag laced criticism of Nostalgiaism was similar to James's profanity and gag-laden criticism of low-budget video games on the Sega Genesis and NES. In response to this, James Rolfe and Doug Walker began to trash talk each other. This prompted Doug Walker, James Rolfe, and their fans to start World War III.
Eventually, their rivalry became more friendly, and they even made crossover reviews together. However, their fandoms were somewhat distinct – Nostalgia Critic's website, known then as That Guy With The Glasses, started to include more reviewers over time, such as The Cinema Snob, Todd In The Shadows, and Doug's own female counterpart, the Nostalgia Chick, while AVGN fans stuck more to James's site Cinemassacre. If it wasn't for the independent YouTube reviewers like Benthelooney, Mysterious Mr. Enter, I Hate Everything, Bobsheaux, and the like, That Guy With The Glasses would have an illegal monopoly on the Internet Cartoon Critic market, which is the exact thing that Doug's criticism of religions like Nostalgiaicism would indicate he opposes. It became especially jarring when capitalism started to hurt the internet Cartoon Critic market hard through the copyright ID system run by Viacom.
Nostalgiaism, Nostalgiaicism, Nastyalgia, Nasty Gea, and all those stupid terms for the religion Doug focuses most on[edit | edit source]
The Nostalgia Critic, as his name indicates, criticizes the religion of Nostalgia, but what is worth noting is the various denominations and aspects of Nostalgia.
Nostalgia is, simply put, the religion dedicated to worshiping '80s to '90s cartoon characters as pagan gods, but the gods aren't so much important as the denominations.
- Nostalgia: The most calm and least radical, Nostalgia encompasses the basic beliefs of the kids of the past generations. They believe that newer cartoons and films are evil and must be destroyed in a fire. However, they can tolerate fans of the younger cartoons. These people are referred to as "Nostalgiac People" or "Nostalgians".
- Nostalgiaism: A little more on the radical side, Nostalgiaists believe that the younger generations themselves are sinful, and must be forcibly converted, or else be killed. Nostalgiaists have often been compared to the KKK, Nazi Germany, and Al-Qaeda for their violent behavior. Not only are they condemnative of all newer kids, but they also believe in forcing others to worship their gods, something that not even moderate Nostalgians do. This was evidenced in Doug's review of Disney's James & The Giant Peach, in which fans tried to shoot Doug for daring to criticize the film.
- Nostalgiacism: The horrible breeding of Fascist Communism and Nostalgiasim, and also known as State Nostalgiaism, these people seek to not only persecute fans of newer cartoons, but also to establish a one-culture National Socialist state with authoritarian ideals. Not only are newer cartoons banned, but even other religions not related to cartoons at all, such as Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Juddhism, Budaism, Scientology, Science, Cyance, Cyantologism, Scientonomy, Etceteraism, Etc., are banned! Despite this state enforced Nostalgia. Most Nostalgiacized nations aren't actually true totalitarian dictatorships, but rather, extremely nationalistic mob democracies. One notable example is the People's Nostalgaic Democratic Federal Monarchic Republic of Hyrule, which is ruled by the extremely hy-on-weed rule-ing presidential monarch. This federation was not attacked by Doug, but his rival, the Angry Video Game Dork.
Kickassia[edit | edit source]
Operation: Kickassia was a campaign led by the Nostalgia Critic to lead his fellow women at That Guy With The Glasses, such as Nostalgia Chick, Todd in The Shadows, Phelous, The Cinema Snob Brad Jones, and the rest, to liberate a territory in Nevada from the Communist regime known as The People's Democratic Republic of A Random Yard in A Nevada Desert, better known as Molossia. Nostalgia Critic effectively invaded the country and helped the non-existent citizens start a revolution against Kevin Baugh, the president of the Molossia People's Republic, making himself the dictator. However, just like with what happened when the Socialists took over Mother Russia, Doug became a toiletalitarian warlord, and the former rebels decided to help Kevin get his Republican society back. After being reinstated, Kevin made the Channel Awesome members honorary citizens, despite being overthrown at first by Doug.
After this, two other operations, Suburban Knights and To Boldly Flee, happened. The latter was a reality-altering event that changed all time as we know it today – Phelous and his girlfriend, Obscura Lupa, left Channel Awesome and started their own site, phelous.com. Really? They named their site after Phelous? What a narcissistic misogynist! Doug Walker, the guy with the glasses, totally never did that before it was renamed to Channel Awesome!