HowTo talk:Build a gaming console from a kitchen appliance
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From Pee Review[edit source]
Yes, I am super-depressed --Sir General Minister G5 FIYC UPotM [Y] #21 F@H KUN 08:59, 21 April 2007 (UTC)
| Humour: | 7 | There are some funny bits here. Careful of the randomicity -- it bites. See endnotes. |
| Concept: | 7 | I like the idea. I didn't think I would, but I do. |
| Prose and formatting: | 6 | Clarity is needful. That is, the writing is technically competent but it needs to be reworked for reader ease and comfort. |
| Images: | 4 | Not much of an image. Can't we find the man a nice old toaster with the cover off, maybe a hand reaching into it and a big electrical WOOOOOOFFFFFF! shock-thingie happening? |
| Miscellaneous: | 7 | I like the idea. But see endnotes. |
| Final Score: | 31 | |
| Reviewer: | ----OEJ 17:46, 21 April 2007 (UTC) | |
Endnotes: First off, I suggest you present a kind of overview of the steps in the first section "You will need to create the console itself, the WiFi transceiver, the gamepad, and then the actual games that your splendid new console will run. The following steps will guide you through this process" or something like that. Thus the reader is led naturally and organically into the construction process.
I would also lobby against the phrase "local toaster". I suggest you say "get a used toaster from a thrift shop or, if you have no money at all, steal one from your neighbor's kitchen. Don't use your Mom's toaster or you will have to eat cold Pop-Tarts for the rest of your life. And that sucks." Or whatever you want. I only suggest specific things because they are like little bits of greasy scum: they float to the top of my mind at that particular moment. For God's sake don't take them seriously, or Satan will have your guts for garters.
OK, back to structure: I suggest you also slap a one-sentence summary at the beginning of some of the steps. "In this step you will build the intra-inguinal graphics demonizor. Remove the control module and battery from your grandfather's pacemaker...etc." Again, the idea is to lead the reader logically and comfortably into each step by telling him why the step is there and what it is going to be about.
Finally, find a nice exit paragraph to finish off. Maybe a case history about someone who built a console -- Timmy Catbaiter, who built his own toaster-console and later beat Level 23 of English Muffin Smashface Butter-Down. Or some suggestions for multiplayer use. Or how about an invitation to join an organization dedicated to kitchen-appliance gaming consoles? But something to kind of wrap up the concept.
Good luck. ----OEJ 17:46, 21 April 2007 (UTC)