HowTo:Die

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So, you've finished reading HowTo:Not die, huh? And you don't agree with the ideas on what to do with your life that are in there? Fear not, we now have the exact opposite: HowTo:Die.

PRE-BIRTH[edit]

  • 0-1 - Have your mother fail her pregnancy. 50% chance, man! Otherwise, you can't really do anything here.

BIRTH[edit]

So, you failed the pre-birth section? Try these as a baby.

This is a staircase. Try to fall down it. You will die since your skull is not fully formed yet.
  • 1-1 - Be born into a family with several chronic issues. Better yet, be into a family that reproduces with itself.
  • 1-2 - Be born before healthcare was a thing. Around the 1300s are ideal, since the "medicine" back then was more likely to kill you than actually help.
  • 1-3 - Shove everything possible into your mouth. Most of them will probably be toxic.
  • 1-4 - Ignore any blockades and fall down as many staircases as possible.

CHILDHOOD[edit]

If you couldn't die as a baby, these are all viable options.

  • 2-1 - Drink and drive. Both are things you shouldn't be doing anyways as a child.
  • 2-2 - Go close to cliffs. You probably wil fall off, because you're a dumb child who doesn't know what they're doing.
  • 2-3 - Convince your parent to become anti-vax.
  • 2-4 - Don't go to the doctor.

TEENS[edit]

You're really struggling to die. Perhaps your religion is actually true. ... Nah, you're just terrible at death.

  • 3-1 - Drinking and driving will kill you even more now. So, continue doing that.
  • 3-2 - People will offer you bad advice at this stage in your life. Take all of the advice and follow it.
  • 3-3 - Fail in school. If you do that, the rest of your life will be ruined and you will kill yourself out of frustration.
  • 3-4 - Go to America for an increased amount of opportunities to die during school.
  • 3-5 - Have depression or anxiety. Pretty easy for teens.
  • 3-6 - Accept the strange-looking liquid in the shot glass your "friend" handed to you at a party.

ADULTHOOD[edit]

You're a failure if you tried to die at every given chance before now.

This guy died. You can be like him if you try to.
  • 4-1 - You should be old enough to just kill yourself now. Nobody's really going to care. Welcome to reality.
  • 4-2 - If you don't want to do that, impersonate one of these guys.

OLD AGE[edit]

Either you're a huge failure, or you're just reading this for fun and not following it if you made it here.

  • 5-1 - Death will come soon enough.

DEATH[edit]

Well, you made it. Congratulations. For more information, read this. We don't really control what goes beyond that, that's some other guy's job. Goodbye, maybe you can try again later.

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