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So, you've finished reading HowTo:Not die, huh? And you don't agree with the ideas on what to do with your life that are in there? Fear not, we now have the exact opposite: HowTo:Die.


  • 0-1 - Have your mother fail her pregnancy. 50% chance, man! Otherwise, you can't really do anything here.


So, you failed the pre-birth section? Try these as a baby.

This is a staircase. Try to fall down it. You will die since your skull is not fully formed yet.
  • 1-1 - Be born into a family with several chronic issues. Better yet, be into a family that reproduces with itself.
  • 1-2 - Be born before healthcare was a thing. Around the 1300s are ideal, since the "medicine" back then was more likely to kill you than actually help.
  • 1-3 - Shove everything possible into your mouth. Most of them will probably be toxic.
  • 1-4 - Ignore any blockades and fall down as many staircases as possible.


If you couldn't die as a baby, these are all viable options.

  • 2-1 - Drink and drive. Both are things you shouldn't be doing anyways as a child.
  • 2-2 - Go close to cliffs. You probably wil fall off, because you're a dumb child who doesn't know what they're doing.
  • 2-3 - Convince your parent to become anti-vax.
  • 2-4 - Don't go to the doctor.


You're really struggling to die. Perhaps your religion is actually true. ... Nah, you're just terrible at death.

  • 3-1 - Drinking and driving will kill you even more now. So, continue doing that.
  • 3-2 - People will offer you bad advice at this stage in your life. Take all of the advice and follow it.
  • 3-3 - Fail in school. If you do that, the rest of your life will be ruined and you will kill yourself out of frustration.
  • 3-4 - Go to America for an increased amount of opportunities to die during school.
  • 3-5 - Have depression or anxiety. Pretty easy for teens.
  • 3-6 - Accept the strange-looking liquid in the shot glass your "friend" handed to you at a party.


You're a failure if you tried to die at every given chance before now.

This guy died. You can be like him if you try to.
  • 4-1 - You should be old enough to just kill yourself now. Nobody's really going to care. Welcome to reality.
  • 4-2 - If you don't want to do that, impersonate one of these guys.

OLD AGE[edit]

Either you're a huge failure, or you're just reading this for fun and not following it if you made it here.

  • 5-1 - Death will come soon enough.


Well, you made it. Congratulations. For more information, read this. We don't really control what goes beyond that, that's some other guy's job. Goodbye, maybe you can try again later.

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