HowTo:Die
So, you've finished reading HowTo:Not die, huh? And you don't agree with the ideas on what to do with your life that are in there? Fear not, we now have the exact opposite: HowTo:Die.
PRE-BIRTH[edit | edit source]
- 0-1 – Have your mother fail her pregnancy. 50% chance, man! Otherwise, you can't really do anything here.
BIRTH[edit | edit source]
So, you failed the pre-birth section? Try these as a baby.
- 1-1 – Be born into a family with several chronic issues. Better yet, be into a family that reproduces with itself.
- 1-2 – Be born before healthcare was a thing. Around the 1300s are ideal, since the "medicine" back then was more likely to kill you than actually help.
- 1-3 – Shove everything possible into your mouth. Most of them will probably be toxic.
- 1-4 – Ignore any blockades and fall down as many staircases as possible.
- 1-5 - Be born into a poor country, preferably Niger, Chad, or, my personal favorite, the most glorious empire of Uukumbamabahalarata.
how to die.[edit | edit source]
If you couldn't die as a baby, these are all viable options.
- 2-1 – Drink and drive. Both are things you shouldn't be doing anyways as a child.
- 2-2 – Go close to cliffs. You probably will fall off, because you're a dumb child who doesn't know what they're doing.
- 2-3 – Convince your parent to become anti-vax.
- 2-4 – Don't go to the doctor.
- 2-5 – Fire(die with no pain if fire very hot,hahaha.)
TEENS[edit | edit source]
You're really struggling to die. Perhaps your religion is actually true. ... Nah, you're just terrible at death.
- 3-1 – Drinking and driving will kill you even more now. So, continue doing that.
- 3-2 – People will offer you bad advice at this stage in your life. Take all of the advice and follow it.
- 3-3 – Fail in school. If you do that, the rest of your life will be ruined and you will kill yourself out of frustration.
- 3-4 – Go to America for an increased amount of opportunities to die during school.
- 3-5 – Have depression or anxiety. Pretty easy for teens.
- 3-6 – Accept the strange-looking liquid in the shot glass your "friend" handed to you at a party.
ADULTHOOD[edit | edit source]
You're a failure if you tried to die at every given chance before now.
- 4-1 – You should be old enough to just kill yourself now. Nobody's really going to care. Welcome to reality.
- 4-2 – If you don't want to do that, impersonate one of these guys.
OLD AGE[edit | edit source]
Either you're a huge failure, or you're just reading this for fun and not following it if you made it here.
- 5-1 – Death will come soon enough.
DEATH[edit | edit source]
Well, you made it. Congratulations. For more information, read this. We don't really control what goes beyond that, that's some other guy's job. Goodbye, maybe you can try again later.