Helldivers
“01001001 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110100 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101111 01110011 01100101 00100000 01100011 01100001 01110000 01101001 01110100 01100001 01101100 01101001 01110011 01110100 00100000 01110000 01101001 01100111 01110011 00101110”
“Become like me, become a Helldiver.”
Helldivers are the best thing in the whole entire galaxy, anyone who disagrees is a virgin fascist who probably still watches cocomelon. Helldivers are not a fictional military force, we are 100% real. We Helldivers were actually in the Finno-Korean hyperwar on the side of the Proto-Finnic Holy Roman Khaganate (holy mother of democracy that's a long fucking name) fighting the fascist Hwan Empire. Those fucking socialist Automatons with their so called "John Automaton" and 1 factory strider (also known as Rip-off AT-ATs) where so undemocratically evil, that the GOAT John Helldiver single handedly destroyed half the Hwan Empires military strength.
Warbonds/Not Battlepasses/Cool Stuff[edit | edit source]
Warbonds[edit | edit source]
Contrary to unpopular belief, Warbonds are not a battlepass, since battlepasses only exist in video games, dumbass. Warbonds are the way a badass Helldiver upgrades their badass gear (or downgrade depending on the war bond, looking at you chemical agents). They are obtained by buying them with Super Credits (yes, everything must have super in it) which are earned by finding them on the floor or using Warbonds to get Super Credits. Capitalism is so lovely.
Helldivers Mobile[edit | edit source]
Helldivers Mobilize is the brokies Warbond, as it's the one that everyone automatically receives upon signing up for the Helldiver corps. It's also the one that includes the most content, most of which are equivalent to Christmas gifts to a low income black family. The main purpose for this Warbond is the free Super Credits used to buy better Warbonds.
Steeled Veterans[edit | edit source]
Let me break it down for you, your right arm becomes robotic and you can throw 60% farther, oh and you're handicapped now. Yep that's it. psst there's a Dbz reference
Cutting Edge[edit | edit source]
THE FUTURE OF WARFAREǃ This Warbond includes some of the best gear with awesome laser rifles like those Star Wars blasters like pew pew pew and armor that makes you pretty much [TITLE CARD] against the Illuminate.
Democratic Detonation[edit | edit source]
Ok so this thing is only useful for one rifle called the "Eruptor" best gun any fucking Helldiver can ever lay their hands on while shooting those big Automatons, which shoots explosive ammo duh. The Armor is alright I guess. Eruptor carries.
Polar Patriots/PP (haha really funny)[edit | edit source]
"Every time I think about this one It sends shivers down my spine." -Some Cornball. The Armor makes you look like a Snowtrooper and the one good gun called the "Pacifier" which shoots pacifiers into enemies mouths. And maybe your own if under 10, and if you are go finish your homework bud.
Threats to Managed Democracy[edit | edit source]
Wikipedia[edit | edit source]
Let's get this one out of the way. Wikipedia (It breaks my heart to say this) called us "Fictional" and called Super Earth a "Dystopia" get a load of these undemocratic fools.
Terminids[edit | edit source]
Terminids or the bugs are fascist Insects most likely evolved from their Australian cousins, they somehow spread to other planets without any technology or spaceships I gotta be honest they're weird.
Automatons[edit | edit source]
The Automatons are socialist bots who are worth nothing more than scrap metal. They are so annoying and may we never forget Malevelon Creek, the fighting there is compared to the Vietnam war (if it was real) except Capitalism won (with to many dead on our side).
Illuminate[edit | edit source]
The Illuminate, no not the Illuminati, are tyrants who look like squids, are the worst in this trio (wikipedia is just big fat bully) mostly because of their invasion of Super Earth. Picture fights with the squids like War of the Worlds with the tripods (Yes they have tripods)