Baby Geniuses
“If you give a baby a genius he will be smart for a day, If you experiment on a baby he will be a freak who can do backflips”
“I've done it. I've created the worst movie ever!”
Baby Geniuses (Also known in Latin as Terribilis Struem Quisquiliarum) is a film released in 1999. It was praised for it's special effects, where they took other peoples lips and superimposed them onto babies. That didn't give me nightmares. These babies all got a 1600 on their SAT scores and had a IQ of 160. Also they could do Vector calculus. Although they are great at math they still wear diapers.
Plot[edit | edit source]
At BabyCo baby geniuses (not to be confused with genius babies) are being experimented on for profit. The scientists testing these babies are trying to build a baby theme park for world domination or something. They figure out that before children are two years old they are super duper intelligent, but upon turning two they become drooling little idiots.
In the group of lab rat babies at BabyCo there is an even smarter baby genius named Sly, a genius baby genius if you will. He devises a plan to escape and succeeds. He then finds his long lost twin brother Whit in a shopping mall play area. (Apparently i'm no baby genius because I, upon writing this article, for the first time realized the two twins names were synonyms for smart) The twins are swapped, Whit is taken by the evil scientist trying to build a theme park through exploiting children and Sly is taken home by their idiot mom who didn't realize she gave birth to twins. Dummy. Blah, Blah, Blah, stuff happens and they save the day through super baby genius twin teamwork or whatever.
Cast[edit | edit source]
Baby Genius 1 - Played by idiot baby
Baby Genius 2 - Played by idiot baby
Baby Genius 4 - Played by idiot baby
Baby Genius 5 - Played by idiot baby
Sly - Played by three triplet babies who are not actually geniuses, I know what a let down.
Whit - Played by those same three dumb-asses.
Scientist 1 - Christopher Lloyd
Scientist 2 - Carl Sagan (often mistaken for Kathleen Turner)
Mommy - Kim Cattrall
Jordan-2-Delta - Ewan McGregor
Lincoln-6-Echo - Scarlett Johansson
Damn, I think I'm forgetting a cast member. Where's a baby genius when you need one.
Sequel[edit | edit source]
A sequel titled Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 was released in 2004. In film critic Roger Ebert's review of the film he gently stated "HOLY SHIT THEY MADE A SEQUEL FOR THIS CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!".
After releasing the sequel, the director Bob Clark promptly died. No joke. It was his last film, any correlation? I think sooooooo. What I'm trying to say is it KILLED HIM! Because it was so so stupid.
Reception[edit | edit source]
Although Baby Geniuses had sickening special effects, a terrible plot, horrible writing, and a cast of almost all people who weren't old enough to wipe their own asses it was a box office hit. With a 12 million dollar budget they made 36 million dollars and 12 cents. Yeah that's right they made a 24 million dollar and 12 cent profit on a movie about babies being intelligent. Have you looked in the eyes of a baby, they have no souls, let alone brains. This is on you America.
List of Activities Baby Geniuses Excel at:[edit | edit source]
- Mathematics
- Paleontology
- Existentialism
- Barfing
- Pooping
- Astrophysics
- Physics
- Urinating
- Whining
- Gymnastics
- Martial Arts
- Getting Diarrhea
Trivia[edit | edit source]
Baby Geniuses are different from Genius Babies
"Don't have a cow Basil" - What the hell does this mean? Maybe it means this.
The sequel bombed at the box office causing a deficit of 10.5 million dollars.
Wait are you telling me they made 13.5 million dollars and 12 cents from these two movies. Jesus Christ...
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This article is part of UnfilM The preferred oeuvre of Drive-Ins everywhere. |