Arrows Grand Prix International Ltd

Arrows Grand Prix International Limited logo. It looked good for the time.

The Footwork Arrows logo. It did not look good for the time.

Arrows Grand Prix International Limited, also simply known as Rice, was a Garagista Formula One team that competed from 1978 to 2002. They were also known as Foot Fetish from 1991 to 1996.

Birth of the team

The Arrows team was founded in the modern Red Balls factory in Milk and Keys, Mediocre Britain in 1977 by pasta businessman Franco "Not that Franco" Ambrosio, Alan Rees, Jackie Oliver, Dave Wess, and Tony Southgate; their surnames making up the name A.R.O.W.S. Creativity was obviously something these ex-Shadow employees excelled in, as a fellow garagista team, March, named their team using the names of their founders. Cosworth, their future engine supplier, did the same thing.

These guys ran Shadow cars, particularly the Dixie Nazi 9 (DN9), using their brilliant creativity to name it the Arrows FA1 in honor of their glorious leader Franco. As a gift, Franco left the team in 1978 when he was imprisoned in Ferrari Land for being a businessman. Shadow sued Arrows for copyright infringement to make it easier for Arrows to do well in Formula One, with London courts officially saying "Fuck you, Arrows!". No matter! The mad lads at Arrows designed a new car in just 52 days, which was creatively named the Arrows A1, with A standing for Arrows.

Arrows Grand Prix International Limited Era (1978-1990)

Ford-Cosworth Era (1978-1983)

The Arrows A1 at Silverstone in 2012. It was a shit car.

Following Franco's cum and go technique, Warsteiner sponsored the team as a title sponsor, injecting the asses of Arrows founders with money.

These mad lads signed some dude who would die during the season due to some sort of cancer and Riccardo Patrese. Some slow bloke was hired after the aforementioned weakling could not drive anymore at the South African Grand Prix. Onwards and upwards.

The Spaghetti lad Patrese scored points in their third race at Long Beach, United States. This top lad would eventually kill Finnish driver Ronnie Peterson and would be banned by the other drivers (such assholes!) from the other United States Grand Prix. The team scored 11 points that season to finish 10th in the Constructors' Championship.

At the 1979 Monaco Grand Prix, Jochen Ass moved into 3rd place before having retardation issues, dropping him to 6th at the end of the race.

In 1981, Patrese got a pole position at Long Beach before his car gave up on life on lap 33, seemingly beginning to understand the futility of this whole Formula One endeavor.

BMW Era (1984-1988)

Cigarette brand Barclays became the company the Arrows boys would become a corporate shill for.

In 1984, these lads bought the BMW M12 turbocharged engines.

Tryhard Burger in the 1985 Arrows car at the 1985 EU Grand Prix.

In 1985 at That State That May Or May Not Be Italy, Thierry Boutsen finished second, after Baguette Alain Prost was disqualified for having an underweight car. In 1987, BMW pulled out of Formula One's gaping pussy and the engines were badged as "Megatron". They had a new major sponsor in USFAG that year.

Eddie Cheever and Derek Warwick became gods in the Arrows cars of 1987 and 1988.

Ford-Cosworth, Again! (1989-1990)

Derek Warwick's 1989 Arrows car at the Belgium Grand Prix. It was designed by Ross Brawn, god himself.

Some bloke named Ross Brawn designed their Arrows A11 car, meant for the 1989 season, which used the Ford-Cosworth DFR.

That damn Yankee Cheever scored a podium at Pheonix in 1989.

Footwork Arrows (1990-1996)

Some Jap named Wataru Ohashi invested into the team. As a result, the team was renamed as Footwork, as Ohashi loved feet, especially Jackie Oliver's feet.

Porsche Era (Early 1991)

They sucked.

Ford Era (Late 1991)

They still sucked, but just a bit less.

Mugen-Honda Era (1992-1993)

They got worse.

Ford Era, Again! (1994)

It was slightly better than the Mugen-Hondas, but it sucked.

Hart Era (1995-1996)

Max whoeverthefuck at the 1995 Crumpet Grand Prix

The less said about this era, the better.

This is the only thing that is worth typing about during this era in Arrows history.

Arrows, Again! (1997-2002)

Tom Walkinshaw bought the team and immediately hired Damon Hill and pay driver Pedro Diniz.

Yamaha Era (1997)

Damon Hill's 1997 TWR Arrows, which shit itself at the most inopportune times.

The team almost won a race at the Hungry Grand Prix, but something on Damon Hill's car went kaput and Michael Schumacher repassed Hill for the win, but this time, without taking him out.

Arrows Develops Their Own Engines (1998-1999)

Arrows, after having used practically every bad engine, decided to make their own engines.

In 1998's Monaco Grand Prix, both cars scored points, finishing 4th and 5th. Good enough.

Diniz also scored two points at the wet Waffle Grand Prix.

1999 did not happen.

The End (2000-2002)

The Arrows higher ups stopped making engines in 2000, going onto the rather good Supertec engines. They consistently had the fastest car in a straight line that year, but this isn't NASCAR or Indycar.

They decided to fuck it up with a switch to the Asiatech engines in 2001. This season did not happen.

Heinz-Harald Fuckup's 2002 Arrows, intentionally failing to qualify at the 2002 Baguette Grand Prix.

Their final season, 2002, was a switch to the dreaded Cosworth engines. They managed two points before intentionally folding mid-race during the 2002 Baguette Grand Prix.