A day in the life of a real Doctor

Old Mrs Gilford, she might not be much to look at but she's feisty in the sack!... Not that I've... raped her... or anything...

So here I am! another lovely day at work, being a Doctor is so great! Nice car, nice house... loads of babes... what? Yeah of course I get loads of babes, I'm a Doctor!, And a very sexy one at that! Ah, what's this? An important new case!, ahh... Cleaning out old Mrs Gilford's bowels... Still, a man has got to do, what a man has got to do! And I'm a man. With a penis.

So this is the coffee area?

This is what a cup of coffee looks like, You've got a lot to learn before you're a Real Doctor, like me.

Yup! Ahh, I love the coffee machine, such a great place to pick up babes, and being a man Doctor, with a penis, I find it easy to pick up babes. Hey Sarah! Sarah!?... Oh yeah, that's just a game we play, she wasn't really ignoring me.. You think she was? hahaha! I'm a Doctor! Chicks dig Doctors! Especially ones with a penis.

Seems like a nice hospital.

Oh yeah! I love it, I guess I wouldn't like it so much if I was a patient, but I'm a Doctor! So anyway heres the cafeteria!, nothing like lunchtime in the hospital!, or the HP as we Doctors call it. We're just wacky like that, you really need to be a Real Doctor to understand it. Hey there's Janice! Hey Janice!!... Janice!! Ahh...I forgot, this is usually the time she starts her shift again. Yeah, as soon as my lunch starts! Weird huh? Hahaha! Anyway, what to have for lunch, I can have whatever I want, for free! Being a Doctor and all. Mmm, yeah, must've left my Hospital ID somewhere... Normally the lunch people would just let me have food for free. They know me. They didn't seem to know me!? What? That's just a game we play here... Yes, another game! What? We can't have more than one game!? Hahaha. You've got a lot to learn before you can be a real Doctor, like me.

Isn't that your Bleeper?

What!? Of course I've got a life outside of the hospital!!...

Ohh! Damn, we got a 417!! Things do get kinda intense around here. I'm not sure if you want to come with me for this, could get messy, or kinda intense! or both!? Hahaha. Alright, let's go! Careful you don't step on my Doctor's coat! Chicks dig the Doctor's coat!

Now this is Exciting...

Hey Janice! Hand me one of those sharp things! Stat!!, Hang on... I watched an episode of House yesterday... The patient showed these exact symptoms... Prep him for a cardinal biopsy!... Whaa!? I can't be in here!? Ahh, I guess they paged the wrong doctor. Hehehe, they do that a lot.

Hmm..

So, here's the lounge area, here's all my DVDs of House, Grey's Anatomy and ER. We like to watch them at lunch and stuff... You didn't think Doctors actually enjoyed watching those shows in real life!? Hahaha! Well, now you know! I love watching those shows, and I'm a Doctor! There's Ted, he usually sits down and watches some with me, haha, real nice guy. His nametag said his name was Charlie?? Well yeah, duh! He's an identical twin. They switch nametags all the time to mess with people. You really do have a lot to learn, haha! Don't worry, you stick with me, you'll be fine. I'm a real Doctor after all.

Who's this?

So this is Mister Gibbs, he's like the resident coma patient, like out of Scrubs, and House, and maybe ER or Grey's anatomy, I dunno. They're kinda gay. Hmm? He's waking up!? Ohh... Ermm, It's a miracle!! Wow!! Hey Mister Gibbs, how ya feeling buddy? I'm a Doctor. What am I doing here? Well, like I just said I'm a Doctor!... I'm not your Doctor? Well, yeah! I know that silly! I was just passing by and I thought I should check in on our favorite coma patient!... You came in for your appendix to be removed?... That was over 20 years ago! There were complications and stuff... Ahw don't cry. Ahh I think we should leave him to sob his old little heart out, the Professional Comatomalogists will be here soon, they're pretty cool, but they can't pick up chicks as easily as a Real Doctor. Like me.

Mister Gibbs, we're going to leave you now to process the information that everyone you loved is now dead!, Don't worry, he'll be fine.

Are those security guards following us?

Huh? Ohh them!? I hadn't really noticed to be honest! But yeah, it's another one of those games! Hahaha! I know, I know, it's all fun and games here! Aha, here we are... This is my office! In you get!...

I chill out in my closet at home sometimes too..

Why are we hiding in the closet?...

Huh!? We're not hiding in the closet! Haven't you watched an episode of Scrubs!? This is where they all come when the emotion gets too much, this week has been a real killer... What with Mister Gibbs this morning, and then there was Little Timmy last week...

What happened to Little Timmy?

He died.

Oh...

Yeah... Y'know it's hard... I think that's why I've never looked for someone to love and start a family with... I couldn't bear to lose them... Huh? What other reason would there be!?

Hmm sounds like someone wants to get in?...

Hehehe, nah, there's plenty of other closets, they'll move on in a minute, they understand that the needs of a Real Doctor are more than theirs.

Why are they threatening to break the door down?...

Hahaha, it's another one of those Doctor jokes, like I said. Yeah you REALLY have to be a Real Doctor to understand. Like me.

You're not really a Doctor are you?...

Wha-!? Hahaha, I didn't realise they sent us interns from Blindland! Haha! Can't you see the coat I'm wearing!? What does it look like to you!?... That's right! A Doctor's coat! You Interns really have a lot to...

Okay, they're physically breaking the door down...

Hahaha, yeah, it's another one of those wacky games we play, people who aren't Real Doctors wouldn't get it, but I do, because I'm a Real Doctor...

I don't believe you!. I'm going to call for Help-

Shh, shh. What's up with you anyway?? Acting all weird and stuff!? Kinda disrespectful and stuff don'tcha think!? I mean I am a Real Doctor after a-... Wait... I think I saw this on an episode of House once... He had that disease... Hmm, what was it House did..? Ahh Yeah! Hmm, I think there's the sharp things in here somewhere... Aha! Here we are, now I'm going to make a bipolaroid incision... or something, I'm not really sure, I dozed off halfway through the episode. Yeah, Unfortunately House told me not to use anaesthetic, He talks to me sometimes, It's a Doctor thing... You REALLY have to be a Real Doctor to get it...