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Switzerland wins Eurovision Netherlands disqualified in final shocker YouTube is dead D.C. stink-bombed by Jihadists and Nazis Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; Britney Joins in Support (Pictured) Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig Climate activists ruin Jackson Pollock painting, no one notices Stalemate in Ukraine: Zelenskyy flees for greener pastures Steamboat Willie enters public domain, several Mickey Mouse horror films and games announced Santa's Elves on strike UnNews finally able to write obituaries for Shaft, Bull and Chandler Will Barbenheimer beat JigSaw in his own game? Ongoing: Russian Invasion · Eurovision Recent deaths: Louis Gossett Jr. · O. J. Simpson · Bernard Hill · Nemo's first trophy · Roger Corman Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · The U.S. Federal Budget · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for White Broncos · God's curse on the Buffalo Bills (..maybe) UnNews – Radio Free Lunch
On this day...
May 12: Barry Manilow Day 100 AD - Barry Manilow, immortal muse of all music, writes the very first song. Critics hate it, but what do they know. 1877 - Oscar Wilde pens his poem Sonnet to Liberty, advocating socialism and decrying many contemporary fashion trends. 1881 - In North Africa, Tunisia becomes a French protectorate, and thus enjoys its last noteworthy moment for nearly 100 years, until the filming of Star Wars there in 1977. 1974 - Depressed mood ring commits suicide, says "I can't handle the pressure" in heartfelt note. (Pictured) 1985 - The Book of the Dead is discovered by a 12 year old child in London and sold for three baseball cards and a Jefferson Starship cassette tape. 2003 - Pocahontas sells her memoir "Hokey Pokey: Frolicking, Singing, and Doing a White Guy" to Disney, which is subsequently made into a popular children's movie. 2004 - The corpse of Walter Cronkite rises from the grave to report on the Alabama tri-county kitten pageant. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

Today's featured picture

The Lego JFK Assassination Set was the top selling toy of 1963. Collectors have been known to pay up to twenty-seven dollars on eBay.

Image credit: Sliferjam
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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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