UnNews:Remember, Remember the 8th of November

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Wednesday, November 8, 2017


AMERICA -- It has officially been (deep breath) one year -- ONE YEAR -- since the 2016 election and Donald Trump's surprising (and much-dreaded) win. I never thought in a million-billion-trillion years that Donald Trump would ever be president or leader of any country, let alone the United States. "America isn't that stupid," I said. "Nobody's that stupid. America may have been stupid enough to vote for George W. Bush, but they will NEVER be stupid enough to vote for Trump."

I woke up November 9, 2016 -- as did every American -- to the worst nightmare I have ever had in my entire life. Donald Trump is everything America isn't, and nothing it is. He is a lying, sociopathic, xenophobic, misogynistic, pro-Russia, treasonous, vile wannabe dictator who is destroying the very foundation of the country he supposedly leads.

Since the beginning of this nightmare, we have learned that Russia had meddled in our election, and by January, Trump's Russia ties were exposed to the world. And yet Mr. Oompa Loompa will deny it by writing it off as "FakeNews.png." Well, guess what Mr. "President"*? The fake news is YOU. In the year since you "won" the election, you have lost more employees as President that on The Apprentice. You've changed your cabinet more than Van Halen has changed lead singers. Your firing of James Comey for investigating your Russia scandal immediately prompted the appointment of special counsel Bob Mueller. The first charges were approved, leading to the indictments of Paul Manafort and business partner Rick Gates (as well as George Papadop-- something pleading guilty to lying to the FBI). Carter Page admitted to having Russian contacts and that you yourself knew. MSNBC's Joy Reid even went so far as to question your legitimacy. And Michael Flynn and son may be the next ones on the chopping block.

And if that weren't enough, Democrats just won big in last night's elections in Virginia, New York, and New Jersey! Yes, I said Democrats, not Republicans. Won, not lost. This means, Chump, that there is a growing backlash against you and your regime.

The resistance is strong and, Chester Cheeto, YOU WILL GO DOWN! Pence and Ryan, too. Hillary Clinton is our rightful President. She won the popular vote by 3 million votes. You're not even one tenth the President Hillary would have been. You'll never be one tenth the President that Obama was, a man who was born in Hawaii, not Kenya, and is not Muslim, thank you very much. Hillary would have won the Electoral College had you and Vladimir Putin not rigged the election.

But your impeachment is coming, Mr. Trump. Remember, Remember, the 8th of November.


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