V for Vendetta

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
This article is about the 2005 motion picture. For the graphic novel, go visit a bookstore.
The official movie poster for V for Vendetta.

“They ruined my story.”

~ Alan Moore on V for Vendetta

“...which was bullshit.”

~ Margaret Thatcher on above quote

“Veni vidi vici vaudeville vicarage vandal viking vagina vicious vivacious violation vanity vampire virtuous vigilante.”

~ V on heaven knows what

V for Vendetta is a 2005 indie movie directed by Stanley Kubrick, starring Megatron and Natalie Portman. It is loosely based on a 1982 graphic novel by graphic novel artist Alan Moore that circles around the Gunpowder plot of the 17th century. Set in a dystopian London, V (Megatron) attempts to destroy a government he doesn't like much. As usual.

Characters[edit]

The movie had an impressive cast portraying a myriad of fascinating characters, involving the who's who of British cinema. Some of them are listed below.

V (Megatron)[edit]

V was a genetically engineered child created by Larkhill Labs, optimised for mettle in Russian classical music, gardening, and playing Counter Strike. As a kid he would play Counter Strike online, and easily defeat his foes in many deathmatches. He soon got bored and decided to make the game a bit more challenging for himself. He only used knives and grenades from that time onwards. He wore a Guy Fawkes mask and Megadeth t-shirts to look cool, and to complement his username knifeupurass911.

V blushes after Natalie Portman called him cute.

However, little V had one problem - he did not have friends. The other kids laughed at his t-shirt, and when he told them his name was V, they called him a 'pussy', which angered him a lot. His only friend was a lesbian named Valerie Page, with whom he could never hit it off for obvious reasons, despite his best efforts.

When he grew up he decided to kill people in real life, and trained himself in martial arts. He still followed his gaming policies, so he was soon to be found wielding knives against a regiment armed with automatics. He verily brushed up his valuable vocabulary, voraciously viewing vords starting with the vivacious, volatile, vague letter v, and not in vain. In his speech he included as many v-words as possible, however inappropriate. When he ran out of v-words he simply replaced the first consonants in whatever he said.

“Vehind this vask are ideas, and ideas are vulletproof!”

~ V after being riddled with vullets

Like many gamer n00bs, V became pretty epic when he grew up and hit the streets. He marched down the roads, wearing a Guy Fawkes mask and that old Megadeth t-shirt, listening to Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture and A Tout Le Monde by Megadeth on his iPod. He carried with him a precious, coveted set of uber-cool knives. In fact, his knives were so cool, that whenever he swung them they left flashy trails. This enigmatic character was portrayed by Megatron who, after the destruction of his home planet, was left unemployed. "His voice was perfect for the character," said cast director Anna Faris. His only problems with the movie were acting with a mask on all the time, and the lack of cool explosions till the very end.

Evey Hammond (Natalie Portman)[edit]

"What'd you say about my brownies? WHAT DID YOU FUCKING SAY ABOUT MY BROWNIES?"

Evey Hammond plays the chick that such a movie must have in order to be successful. By character she is a simple, naive, idiotic girl who is extremely gullible. She is a tough girl, however, and very hard to talk of out something she is determined to do. Like the times she made brownies at home. She made terrible brownies, but nobody could get her to quit.

A little is known about her family - they are all dead. She lost her brother to the research at Larkhill Labs. He was somehow genetically mutated and turned into a guinea pig called "Tootsie". Her parents, too, died under tragic circumstances. They were both political activists, and were part of a rally where other activists charged Larkhill Labs with grenades. Evey's mother, Mrs Hammond, participated in the activity with flourish, realising seconds before her death that she had thrown the pin at the lab window instead of the grenade now smoking in her hand. Among the many victims of the consequent explosion was a guinea pig named Tootsie.

High Chancellor Adam Sutler (John Hurt)[edit]

"And there were like, unicorns, man! In my own office!"

The main antagonist of the movie was the head of the autocratic government. Sutler's title did not come from the fact that he was the supreme authority in the country, but the fact that he was, in fact, a high Chancellor. Being high all the time gave his voice a characteristic drawl.

All the character had to do was look threatening with red eyes, ensue commands to his Fingermen, and get royally killed later. And not even by Megatron.[1]

Actor John Hurt had some minor problems during the filming of the movie, all due to the degree of pun in his surname. He often fell down when they were shooting the action sequences. Whenever he yelled, "I am hurt!" people would laugh and compliment him on his humour. At the press conference following the release of the movie, he stated that the behaviour of the cast and crew left him hurt. Everyone in the room started laughing. Hurt just gave up and left.

Other Characters No One Really Cares About[edit]

Eric Finch (Stephen Rea)[edit]

Nobody cares. I think he was a cop. I think.

Gordon Deitrich (Stephen Fry)[edit]

The nice gay guy who dies.[2]

Plot[edit]

The movie starts of beautifully in the scenic Larkhill valley where young V is playing Counter-Strike and pwning n00bs handily. His coming of age is shown in a montage. At the age of twenty-six he fights with his creators for driving over his rose garden and moves out. V takes over a dark, smelly undercroft below London that is mysteriously well connected, and turns it into his den. His first contact with Evey Hammond takes place several years later. At introduction she is off to visit Gordon Deitrich so people don't think he's gay. She is caught by some Fingermen of the Norsefire, the secret police.

Evey is astonished that her Force didn't work.

“I'm not the droid you're looking for. You will let me move along.”

~ Evey Hammond

“Bitch this ain't Star Wars!”

~ Fingerman in reply to above quote

V, sensing a familiar situation, steps in and rescues her. She joins him gratefully, knowing that she'll be perfectly safe with a masked, loopy stranger who mercilessly slashes four policemen in a matter of seconds, and talks of blowing up the Parliament. He takes her to his undercroft, obviously trusting the first blonde he comes across (he really never had it with women) with his deepest secrets. They have a mild difference in understanding, partly because of V's attire, but mostly because of his v-filled monologues.

He explains to her, his brilliant plan of getting back at the virtually autocratic nation, and gives her the list of people he plans to knock off. He then shows her his collection of firecrackers, unaware of a crucial detail. Evey was terrified of firecrackers. She screamed at the sight of the rockets and ran off, leaving V slightly dejected. Evey seeks sanctuary with Gordon Deitrich, who is more than happy to have her, lonely fucker that he was. Evey felt much safer with him, knowing there are no firecrackers being prepared, assured Deitrich won't use his rocket. He makes her feel at mostly at home, 'cept the times he attempts a terrible joke.

V thinks he is Batman.

Knowing V's Counter-Strike days and his kill streaks, Evey tries to interrupt this one by purloining her way into a Catholic priest's chamber. The priest obviously mistakes her for his next "assignment" and tries to do her. V interferes and kills him as she escapes to Gordon. Again. Meanwhile, V tracks down the lady who drove over his favourite rosebush and broke his child heart. He kills her by using only moonlight and a rose, registering her shock and awe as she fell, bedazzled by her assassin. V's mask hid his tears; she did have nice tits.

Gordon, feeling all too brave now that a girl was living with him, writes an article on Uncyclopedia about Sutler. Everyone goes VFH over it except Sutler's company who all downvote it heavily. The article is still featured despite all their efforts. They are so pissed that they invade his apartment and take him in. Evey tries to escape, but is caught as well by Fingermen V[3]. V holds her prisoner and tortures her, while letting her think he's the Government. As she refuses to give in, he finally sends her lesbian fanfiction written on toilet paper. This strengthens her convictions further, and V realises that she's "ready." He lets her out and lets her know everything. She shouts a lot and then, by sheer anticlimax, she goes out and admires the rain.

"Crying heaven shed your diamonds, diamonds for tears..."

Adam Sutler, wishing to be more popular, demands a speech of his be aired all over the country. That very evening, a hobo called Rookwood gives Inspector Finch the story of Larkhill labs and later monstrosities of the Government. Later that night V strikes a deal with a Government guy, Creedy, who was being monitored (in contrast, Evey sat home watching a romcom).

Cool part begins here.

V distributes boxes of Guy Fawkes masks all over the country. Naturally, people use it for all sorts of purposes. It was a disaster waiting to happen. After a cop accidentally shoots a person wearing that masks (and a Bullseye t-shirt) people turn against the Government. Adam Sutler puts down his iron foot. V plays with dominoes as the nation breaks out in outrage.

On the D-Day everyone gives speeches - V, Finch, Sutler, everyone. V and Evey dance, because nothing takes the pressure off than that when you're preparing to go down along with your Government. He shows Evey his Pain Train and goes off to see Creedy (who kidnaps Sutler and brings him to the appointed location). After a really lame act V puts a rose on him. The smell is bad enough to make him cry before being killed by Creedy. Disgusting.

V's knives were so cool, they left flashy trails.

When that's done Creedy wants to see V's face (who wouldn't). V refuses and slashes the fuck out of two of Creedy's men. Creedy is pretty pissed and asks others to kill him. They all hit him with hyper beams (V is not too affected, being a Steel-type). V then announces, "My turn" as if nobody else knew that, and kills everyone while they are recharging. Just to put the shine on he kills Creedy with a quick attack.

He dies obviously. But with a dramatic end and everything. Evey lays him in the train (to make sure he does die) and the pulls the lever. The train destroys the parliament with Evey's wise words, "We need more than a building. We need a McDonalds."

Everyone in London wears their free masks and comes out to join the party. All of them enjoy the firework together. The end.

Production and Release[edit]

One of the many paintings adorning the undercroft.

The movie was produced by Joel Silver with the Wachowski brothers standing by.

Filming[edit]

Most of the movie was shot in a weird undercroft full of fake paintings of dead artists. The cryptic gallery had bedrooms, a kitchen, dining room, torture chamber, dungeons, all amidst van Eycks and Giacomettis. Conversations involving the same were commonplace.
"Whoops, I spilt some sauce on the Mantegna."
"It's okay, that's a fake."

Music and Editing[edit]

The music production was overseen by Dario Marianelli and Scott Bradley, who wanted original and innovative sounds complementing the dystopian environment of the movie. To achieve that they played the finale of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture wherever they could. Bradley even added Beethoven's Symphony No 5 simply because the first four notes correspond to V in Morse code. The themes and credit scores were composed by The Doors along with Snoop Dogg[4].

The breathtaking CGI effects in the scene where V makes an omelette got the movie a Bafta nomination for best graphics.

The editing of the movie took nearly a year, delaying the movie's release date. This was chiefly because the editor had to remove scores of blank scenes with the 1812 Overture playing. Another reason was that the CGI team had to include flashy trails whenever V used a knife or skilfully wielded any other object.

Promotion[edit]

The release of the movie was preceded by several publicity tours in and around London, New York, Kabul (they fired the CDs of the movie trailer from the cannons), Canberra and Nuuk. Natalie Portman's new haircut became quite the trend, and there was a re-upheaval of the Guy Fawkes mask, mostly by people who confused it with that of JigSaw.

Reception[edit]

Everybody likes fireworks.

Global Audience[edit]

The movie received rave reviews from all audiences (except American movie-goers who don't get humour, only humor). It was exceptionally popular in the Balkan countries. It was subject to controversy, however, and it was banned in several Arab countries. The British Parliament, too, was initially not-so-keen on letting Kubrick get away with his slander on the crown. However, their decisions were reviewed when the Queen 'like'd the trailer on YouTube, and the movie was released in its full glory. The audience loved it, especially those who were born in the 60s. Margaret Thatcher, however, refused to comment.

It was banned but illegally screened anyway in the countries of Kazakhstan, Iran, Philippines and North Korea.

The Russian government was infuriated at the magnificent portrayal of their government system. "How on earth did they know about all that? Sweet Lenin, we thought we had secrets!" fumed an employee who preferred to stay anonymous and alive. The government's secret police destroyed anything and anyone associated with the movie, including an innocent brewer, Vladimir Lem, who had signed his name as V.

Critical Reviews[edit]

V for Vendetta received positive reviews from almost every known movie critic on every known daily, especially after director Stanley Kubrick threatened to make them watch A Clockwork Orange at gunpoint. Since his online presence isn't that strong (the retard uses Google Plus), he could hardly exert any influence, and the movie received a paltry 21% on Rotten Tomatoes. IMDB, typically in sharp contrast, showed a score of 8.2.

References[edit]

  1. Whoops. Spoiler.
  2. Whoops. Spoiler.
  3. Yeyy! Another spoiler!
  4. This song plays a very important rôle in the movie.

See also[edit]

Bouncywikilogo.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about V for Vendetta.