UnNews:Trump-Russia scandal cheat sheet

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Thursday, January 19, 2017


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Were it not for this man, Hillary Clinton would be taking office as president January 20, 2017.[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]

RUSHINGTON WASHINGTON-- Wee We at UnNews thought it wood would be a good idea, and a golden opportunity, to take the piss out of the number one thing on Americans' minds right now, the one everybody's rushin' to lampoon. So take a toilet seat, take a piss break, sit back (or stand up, if you want) and relax as we recount like Wisconsin, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Nevada, and Florida should have done the scandal that may very well bring down Donald Trump and make him flush bright red.

Back in June, an ex-senior intelligence official dug up some dirt on Trump's ties to Vladimir Putin and Russia for a special project he was assembling. On June 20, a dossier (more on this below) was written and sent off to the FBI.

On August 11, Senator Harry Reid discovered something fishy going on and sent a letter to James Comey, which basically confirmed the allegations against Trump.[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]


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[citation needed]

September 23, the investigation began. In October, The FBI got a warrant against Carter Page. That same month, Reid asked Comey to investigate Trump, too. By this time, Reid had found "explosive evidence" of wrongdoing.

On Halloween, the website Mother Jones published an article with the ex-senior official's findings. Just in time for Thanksgiving, Senator John McCain hears about the goings-on against Trump. McCain demanded more information, and like a great spy thriller, went out of his way to acquire the dossier. Once a former counterintelligence officer handed over the dossier, McCain showed them to Comey "with no aides present." This was published in The Guardian.[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]

On December 13, the FBI got its last memos from their British source.


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[citation needed]

On January 10, just 10 short days before Trump's inauguration, Carl "Watergate" Bernstein, among others, broke the story of the 35 page dossier, detailing Trump sleeping with several Russian hookers and having them pee all over him[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]. Russia has all of this on tape and is using it as blackmail[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]. The story was reported by CNN and Buzzfeed. Further reports indicate that the hotel bed that the Russian hookers peed on is one that outgoing President Barack Obama has supposedly slept in, suggesting malice.


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[citation needed]

Obama, Joe Biden, and President-ErectElect Pump Trump were all briefed on the dossier.[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]

McCain and Reid have known about the dossier, which had been circulating for eight months, for at least a month.


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[citation needed]


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[citation needed]

Sources[edit]