Vance Moms
A well known show in the 2010s, Vance Moms is a reality TV show about children who’s parents have been replaced by JD Vance clones for a week.
Early Days[edit | edit source]
When Vance Moms first aired, it was initially regarded as a joke, and was scorned by scientists as an “abomination of cloning technologies”. After the it’s first season finished airing, its producer, Nixon Media Corporation, canceled it, as is traditional with any good show. It was brought back for a second season almost immediately by your father in one of his various failed business endeavors. The second season, widely regarded to be the worst one ever made for the show, involved using time travel to involve todays stars in the show. People such as the Rock, the Kardashians—their trans mom, anyone?—and Stan Lee. Due to the alterations to the timeline, your father lost the show to Nixon Media Corporation, who un-canceled it immediately.
Fall From Society’s Love[edit | edit source]
In 2016, many secrets about the show revealed leading Nixon Media Corporation to cancel it again. The two worst accusations are detailed below.
Accusations Against Vance[edit | edit source]
Vance clones were multiple times accused of being pedos, but Nixon Media Corporation always kept these accusations down. This continued for years, until a young boy by the name of Timothy took a stand. He contacted someone outside of Nixon Media, and told this unnamed person what was happening. Although this kept private by the courts, after a year of investigation and trials, Nixon Media was convicted of not controlling their clones well enough. Since 2018, all Vance clones have had an anti-pedophilia chip installed before deployment. This information was leaked during 2020’s reboot campaign, which nearly cost Vance Moms the reboot. But, Nixon Mafia Media is slick, and they got rebooted anyway.
Alleged Cruelty to Clones[edit | edit source]
There are also many accusations against the producers of being cruel to the clones, to the point that not even Vance deserves it. Clones were beaten, fed stewed cabbage, and—worst of all—forced to create Uncyclopedia content. Only one clone is known to have escaped, and she (that’s right, this clone is open about being trans, like Vance should be, we all know she is) now she pretends to be part of the Kardashian family. This secret was also leaked in 2020, but no one cared, because they all think Vance deserved it.
Return[edit | edit source]
In 2020, Vance Moms used the slogan “Make Reality TV Great Again” to convince Netflix to reboot them by popular demand. Upon its return to the screen, it was such a success that it became the highest-grossing show ever in a matter of minutes. With new clone technology, 69 clones could be deployed at once, which caused Vance Moms to become more of a game show than what it once was. Nowadays, contestants compete in a variety of categories, from cooperation to most kittens huffed in a minute. The all time champion is Zoe Numuhukumakiaki'aialunamor, who won in all categories except parent acceptance of child, which she lost on account of Vance hating that she’s trans. For now, the show continues running, even as Vance gets his new job.
Today[edit | edit source]
Today, the classic show Vance Moms is no different than any other reality series. It’s no more than mass-produced bullshit, meant to scrape up money for the rich. However, with Vance’s new position, there may be a new star that gets cloned for the week. Perhaps even your mother.