User talk:Paul is the walrus
| Hey, Paul is the walrus, welcome to Uncyclopedia! | ||
Welcome![edit source]Hello, Paul is the walrus, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:
If you read anything at all, make it the above three links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:
I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button ( If you want to write and don't know where to begin, consider contributing to Uncyclopedia's current colonization of the week, a group writing project to improve a single popular article. Anyone is welcome to contribute, so come help out! If the current colonization doesn't suit your fancy, then browse our rewrite and idea categories. We have lots of articles just sitting around for someone to improve, so don't be afraid - dive right in! Also, if you happen to know anyone who is Singaporean, tell me. I currently have a project going on and anyone is welcome to join, and help. Also, if you're feeling tired or something, just visit MyBrute for relaxtion! It's a fun game! If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. Again, welcome! | ||
Now, being less formal, you will see the above message in a lot of users' talk page. However, that does not mean this is an automated message. Really, I had to click on your user talk, copy-paste this stuff, and submit it with my own fleshy finger. I'm not a bot. I exist. Now, for some "personal", "non-official" advice:
- You may think some stuff that appears everywhere here is cool, like Oscar Wilde, Chuck Norris, Kitten Huffing, Russian Reversal, and Mr. T. Those things are completely overused and not really funny anymore. Among us sophisticated intelligentsia, we call this phenomenon cliché. Whatever, these subjects are worn out, near death, and in dire need of being huffed. Just please don't mention them unless you have a very, very good reason. Or if it's funny. And I mean funny.
- Another thing we veterans hate is Random Humor. Don't put chicken from Mars in an article about George Washington. You can put it in an article about, well, Chicken from Mars. That's it.
- Humor is a subtle subject. People will tell you that talking about excretes is just bad taste - count me among them - and others will find this kind of stuff the
pinnacle of subversive irony. Just stay calm, have a good look at HTBFANJS, and try to learn what works best. No one here will ban you as long as you don't impose your non-conformist ideas on already created stuff. - Start pages in userspace, first. By that, I mean if you wanted to create a page called "Flappy woo-ha," instead of creating the page Flappy woo-ha, create User:Paul is the walrus/Flappy woo-ha. That way, you'll have plenty of time to work on it and it won't be deleted or ICU'd. You can start a page in mainspace, just make damn sure what you put there is long enough and funny enough to not get huffed.
- Never recreate a deleted article. Never redo a reverted edit. Never.
- There are a lot of links I just put on your page. This is the most important one. HTBFANJS is important, but the mybrute link is better.
- You can steal templates and welcome people, but don't forget to but the subst: inside the template. Like {{subst:Welcome}}. I used User:Zheliel/welcome. A lot better, it includes these fun linkies.
- And, finally, don't be afraid. We don't eat people. Usually.
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Somebody has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic. |
Welcome to UnNews[edit source]
I've moved your story here to your user space because it's pretty awful. Read my welcoming drivel below for some ideas and help, fix up your article, or write another... whichever you like. If I can help, let me know. Cheers. 
Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 02:38, December 13, 2009 (UTC)
|
On your knees, worthy one! The Right Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator blesses you. Your blessings are increasing exponentially. In the name of Sophia, the Church of Uncyclopedia and the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, kneel and receive the melding of Zim's holy axe and your wetware. Now go write me a good UnNews article. Cheers! |
Welcome to UnNews, Paul is the walrus, and thank you for contributing some crap, or otherwise attracting my attention. For a quick introduction about how you can write a decent or better UnNews article, please take a minute read our spiffy new Style Guide.
I am your humble servant (in your dreams), and if I may be of help to you, please leave me a note on my talk page.
You can win awards and prizes! You can become a better writer by subjecting your articles to the scrutiny of UnNews critique machine or UnCanninator shit article detection system. You can become a thorn in the side of Journalism as a whole. You can get promotions, ribbons, and free crockery! You can write stuff your mom would be ashamed to show her friends.
If you've submitted an article, and it's disappeared, I may have mercy-moved it to your user space. This means I've probably left a message on your talk page, likely in close proximity to this very message, explaining why.
Your article may have been tagged for ICU if it has significant problems meeting our criteria, or I may have deleted it because you did not register as a user.
Finally, maybe you just pissed me off. I mean, I know I'm a Roshi, and I'm supposed to be all "Zen" about everything, but I have bad days too, you know?
If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.
At present, I create UnCartoons for UnNews all by my onesies, for better or worse. Now, I will never claim that I am a good cartoonist. Fortunately, the internet provides us a way to do all sorts of things simply and easily. I found Stripgenerator.com, a great site to create cartoons with a minimum of talent.
- This document is an ongoing effort by me to enhance the obfuscation coefficient of Uncyclopedia; productive changes, and criticism are welcome. Cheers! The Right and Left Reverend Major Sir
Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:38, March 28, 2010 (UTC)
no![edit source]
NO NO NO NO!!! You didn't improve this article one iota! It's terrible! Now, keep it out of UnNews space until you (1) Ask me personally to review it or (2) put it up for Pee Review.
Didn't mean to be harsh, but obviously you didn't read my welcoming drivel well enough to realize that a we need to have an article that is written to a certain level of quality (although a much lower level than many other sites), and we don't want stuff that has to be explained to the reader. We have no idea what you're going on about here. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 03:37, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
what's your email address?[edit source]
what's your email address? Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 12:33, December 14, 2009 (UTC)
Your List[edit source]
I don't email people stuff, but I've restored it to your userspace here. Finish it there, and when you think it's ready, have a word with me about moving it to mainspace. Tip: people don't go a bomb for long lists here, particularly not ones in table form, and especially not when most cells in that table are all but empty, while one cell is crammed full of text, making for a blocky and not easy-to-follow read. --UU - natter 
10:11, Dec 15
ATTENTION COLONIZER[edit source]
Duty Calls! Imperial Colonization has been commandeered! With a shiny new, waterproof coat, we're heading out to sea once again. We need you for our next colonization. You have one week to nominate or vote from right now, Sunday the 31st of January 2010, to Saturday the 6th of February 2010. (See Protocol for how to nominate an article for Colonization. And remember, if you vote for an article that means you intend to help colonize it.) Then starting Sunday, 7 February 2010, we will start colonizing another savage land (i.e., improving whichever article gets the most votes). Come on board and vote or nom now, to the glory of Her Majesty!
EXTRA: Our most recent colonization, Transformers, has just been Pee Reviewed. If you're interested in making improvements, please check out the article and the review. With a little work, we may have another glorious Feature article! Wouldn't that be just spiffy? And remember, if you participate and this does get featured, you get one half feature credit!
For the Glory of Her Majesty and by Order of your Fearful Fearless Leader, King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 19:46, January 30, 2010 (UTC)
Dude[edit source]
Please don't link mainspace pages to pages in userspace. Thanks. MrN 
17:31, Jan 31
ATTENTION COLONIZERS: WE ARE RECREATING CREATIONISM[edit source]
The Bible says God created the world in six days by himself--our crew of talented colonizers can surely recreate an article in a week and a half! Remember, any Colonizer is welcome to work on our current project, which is the Creationism article. But before you begin, check "READ THIS FIRST" at the top. From Sunday, 7 February to Wednesday, 10 February 2010, a hearty crew of brave colonizers plotted a strong course for the article by consensus. We have the beginning of a great colonization, so go forth and colonize to the glory of Her Majesty!
Special Note for Lobsterbacks (i.e. those who signed up but haven't yet worked on a successful colonization). We plan to keep your name on the honored membership list if you make worthwhile contribution to the article or other parts of Imperial Colonization between 31 January 2010 and the end of this project. If your name is removed from the list, you are welcome to reapply when you plan to become active. User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 05:26, February 11, 2010 (UTC)
The doctor[edit source]
I think that's removed the junk that shouldn't have been in there, and added in the stuff that should be. The original concept of this is that all the actors mentioned have played the doctor, so I'm trying to keep it true to MacMania's (and my) original concept. Really need a decent image of Matt Smith for the opening, and have to twist around his entry for the whole Death of the Doctor saga, but I think that's a good compromise. Pup 07:49 08 Jan '12