User:Ye Old Wiseman

VonBeowulf on stage with Radio Free England in 1990.

Olof VonBeowulf (also known as Ye Old Wiseman) was a popular musical artist. He has taken on many roles and persona's in his career. In the 1970's, and early 1980's he was known for his crooning singing style, and morose lyrics. He went on to join the critically acclaimed group Radio Free England in 1984. He stopped writing, and instead took to playing bass and flute, under the direction of band mate Eric Blair. His career here was successful until his split with the band in October of 1996, due to creative differences with Blair. VonBeowulf has since retired.

Early Years

VonBeowulf in his late teens.

Alexi.jpg Von Beowulf's childhood was a lonely one. He was an only child, and suffered badly from a severe lack of social skills. He was diagnosed with depression at 14 years old, but refused to take medication. He claimed that the aliens would get inside his head. Instead, he tunned inward toward books, movies, and his librarian mother. His father, a Scandinavian immigrant, was widely absent from his life. He also only spoke Swedish, a fact that needs no rationale, despite the fact that his mother was English-speaking.

At school, he felt greatly restrained and outcasted. He had few friends, but managed to escape outright teasing because of his physical physique. He was no fucking pussy. But he still never got any. To guard himself from shame, he began telling everyone that he was asexual and that he reproduced by budding. Regardless of his dire public education, he managed to develop effectively as a fluent poet. He gained a reputation for his talent, and it caught the attention of future bandmate Eric Blair. Rumor stipulates that Blair one day knocked on the door VonBeowulf one autumn afternoon and outrightly asked him to join a band. They jammed together briefly, but these sessions came to naught because Blair's Grandmother grounded him and took away his guitar.

Solo Years

He dyed his hair black because black is how he feels on the inside. Also, he's the decendent of negros.

These experiences were none the less extremely affecting for VonBeowulf, and he decided to pursue a career in music. A group of friends got together and put some of his poems to songs. Unfortunately, his singing voice was awful. But his supporting band was able to cover up this fact with loud, rockabilly music. After some begging and pleading, they were afforded a show at a local bar. The show was a colossal disaster. To keep a long story short, there were riots.

Upset over the failure, he retrated to his room and cried like a baby for weeks. He died his hair black to commemmorate his missery. But when he finally emerged to buy milk, he found himself a local underground legend. A bootlegged copy of the show was leaked, and it reached every clinically depressed resident of the tri-county area. His crooning poetry connected with every black-clad, whiney little emo fagot around.

Encouraged by the response, VonBeowulf and co. went to a local studio and recorded the Suedehead EP. They sold it at shows that they continued to play. They became an underground favorite, locally. His sexual repression, drawn from his refusal to admit that he wasn't asexual, led to him falling into a progressively severe depression. He hashed out his lonliness on paper, and continued attracting a larger and larger fanbase that could never truely love him. The irony knawed at him like a dog with an itchy asshole.

VonBeowulf at the height of his emoness.