User:Tritefantastic/InuYasha (old)
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“Hey, I have those same pants!”
“And people say I dress funny.”
“Oscar, SIT!”
Inuyasha (??????? lit. meaning "Dragonball"), also spelled InuYasha, Inu Yasha, Inu-Yasha, the Mac-compatible iNuyasha, InYouWashYa, In Your Washer and Lawrence Welk's Musical Fun Hour, depending which side of the irrelevant argument one is on, is an anime about the misadvendtures of Kagome Higurashi(???????) . Please note that this name was accidentally mangled in the translating process; in the Japanese version, her name is Gerald (???????).
Storyline
In this anime, Kagome follows a rabbit into a magic hole in the ground to chase after her lover, Inuyasha (a Japanese name meaning "rhyming holster of the holster"). Inuyasha also has a sword called "Tetsusaiga", which he ordered from an ad on the back of one of his comic books by mistake, when he really wanted a stripper, seeing that was the only way he would get any. While searching for Kagome, he runs into Shippo (a name meaning "we can probably market toys based on this"), Sango (a perverted Australian)and Miroku (a virtuous monk).
Kagome's journey is complicated by Inuyasha's ex-girlfriend Kikyo (which means "Magical Funtime Explosion Happy Hour is on Channel 5. Go watch it, slave."). She is trotted out about once every fifteen episodes, whereupon she promptly makes a big show of going right back into hiding.
Things are further complicated by the appearance of Naraku (roughly translates to "lame, sporadic plot device") and his children (slaves, actually; 'children' is just a pet name) who are mainly used when the normal plot devices have to be taken down for reupholstering. They (the children) only appear on weekends due to the custody agreement hammered out between Naraku and his ex-wife (Kikyo). He also got the reclining chair, the remote control, and the lawn mower.
There's also Inuyasha's half-brother Sesshy McGethy (which means "real name too long to write"). He roams through Japan selling Tupperware, with Jaken (meaning Golem rip-off) and Rin (troll child).
Along her dragged-out journey, Kagome must also recover the mystical Jewel of Three Stooges (also called the Shikon no Llama), a magical plot device that grants a wish when completed, like in Dragon Ball or something.
Characters (and their theme music)
Inuyasha
"Peanuts" theme
Half-human-half-demon and the vain character of the show. He was attacked by parasite dog ears on his 10th birthday and lived with them since. On the empty moon he becomes half-demon-half-human and his hair turns pink.This also may be the effect of him drinking too much after late night parties and he comes home to Kagome with a pink mug. He lost a fight with Randy Orton
Advantages
- Has a coat made from the fire rat (rattus asbestos)
- Can play the "you just don't understand half-demons" card when it looks like he might be losing an argument.
- Has powerful, if strange ears.
Disadvantages
- Urinates on every unfamiliar thing he sees (demons can smell dog piss from miles away).
- Stupid (billed as "confused")
- Not a dog or human
- Doesn't get humans.
- The coat is two sizes too large and, savagely, isn't waterproof.
- iPod earbuds won't stay in his ears.
- Likes ramen too much.
- Is a Muslim
Sango
"9 to 5," by Dolly Parton
Created from a failed experiment in Enron's secret laboratories, Sango is a humanoid creature who defected to feudal Japan. After her lumberjack boy Naraku killed off her robotalien army and kidnapped her android brother Kohaku, Sango joined up with a group of idiotic wicthlings who actually think they can beat Naraku. This is viewed in some circles as a cry for help. Dedicates 22 hours to having incest with her brother Kohaku.
Shippo
"Bad to the Bone"
Shippo is Fox News network demon, who has fought and won many battles with his nemesis, the CBS eye, and has a love/hate relationship with the NBC peacock.
What he is best at, though, is not surprisingly, attracting attention. Maybe it is his puffy tail, his giant eyeballs or his ear splitting scream, but most likely, it is because he suffers from a very severe case of the Napoleonic complex and needs constant 'ooh's and 'aw's to keep from being totally and completely unnecessary.
Miroku
Anything by Rod Stewart
A spaceman from the future and a Buddhist, Miroku has a wormhole embedded in his hand. This is known as his "Wind Chunnel," and anything sucked through it appears in southeastern England.
Miroku enjoys several Buddhist activities such as prayer, meditation, slaughtering demons, conning hotel managers out of their money, stealing gold, being a pervert, and trying to knock up women (or even men that look like them) he doesn't know.
Sesshoumaru
"I'm Just a Bill," from those Schoolhouse Rock cartoons that utterly killed your opinion of American animation
Inuyasha's androgynous older brother whose true name is "Sesshy McGethy" (but all the fans seem to have forgotten this), he is a one armed perfectionist samurai who is also a lord of no small rank. His left arm was cut off in a freak accident during a live taping of a Ginsu knife infomercial.
While he kicks much ass, he seems unable to beat up his little brother. He has a more useless crew (even more useless than Inuyasha's), who are really just doing this as a second job between filming episodes of Sesame Street. Although he did kill everyone at the temp agency in retribution, it still hurts.
In addition to sword skills, he can also use "Fist of the Furry Thing" to activate "Majide Time". During Majide Time, he can't alter reality, but pretend that he can, and he grows in power according to how many times his opponents say "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!". This ability would be lost after Sengoku Jidai, and would lie forgotten until it was rediscovered in the 1980s by Wall Street bankers.
84% of girls who watch Inuyasha watch it solely to see Sesshy, whereas the precentage of males who watch it for the same purpose is 99.9%.
Sesshoumaru is really more powerful than Inuyasha and could easily take over the world if he went forward in time and killed everyone. Sadly, at the end of the series his amazing amounts of spankage stop, possibly because Chuck Norris found the portal and traveled back in time (possible explanation of why Walker Texas Ranger started before Inuyasha).
Despite his strong powers, he was only able to gather 2 minions. Rin (the brat that he saved from Naraku's sweatshop) and Jaken (the retarded frog) Both have no use, besdies pissing him off or getting him nearly killed or when they sold him to Naraku (where he got drunk and molested)
Kagome
"Let's Do the Time Warp Again"
Kagome is a strange exchange student from the future who,and for some reason, is having a grand old time in a world with no health care, electricity, plumbing and sanitation. She also owns a magical skirt that will not be moved no matter how many explosion occur or how strong the wind is. Many fanartist have found a way to break this magical seal, and create all sorts of disturbing images of the ugly whore.
Kikyo
"Pepper," by the Butthole Surfers
Kikyo is the crazy dead priestess who got the Emo sickness after Inuyasha broke up with her to star in dog shows. She became insane, pinning Inuyasha to 'his' tree. She can be found in the background of every episode, mumbling "I hate everything," repeatedly.
Naraku
Evil Generic Harpsichord Music
Originally simply a wayward bandit, he was overhauled on Pimp My Nemesis and does regular battle with everyone for no reason at all. During his spare time he works at Wallmart to get discounts on the purple eye makeup that he is often seen wearing.
Notable Episodes:
This article uses colloquial pseudo-swearwords.
Please notch straw between teeth now.
The series is currently several hundred thousand episodes long; it first aired on the radio in 1922. Exactly how long is unclear; new episodes are being released faster than they can be counted.
- 1 ("The Girl Who was Overcome by Gravity") - Kagome gets plastered and falls down into the Stargate that leads her into a magical, mystical medieval Japan.
- 13 ("Your Mother--") - Inuyasha gets beat up and turns into a human because of the full moon, then all his blood gets sucked out by Myoga the flea. Then the rest of the episode is spent watching Inuyasha kiss Kagome.
- 15 ("Fight for the Things We Love") - Grizzly, horrifying battle.
- 16 ("Love for the Things We Fight") - Grizzly, horrifying battle.
- 17 ("This Isn't What You Think") - Heartwarming romantic comedy.
- 18 ("We Love Fighting Things") - Grizzly, horrifying battle.
- 37 ("The Ghostbusters and the Evil Little Ghost") - Kagome comes to the aid of a sickly young boy menaced by the enraged ghost of his sister. Kagome convinces the spirit that the boy is innocent of causing the fire that lead to her demise, and that she really instead ought to consider doing in the gimp who decided that an eight-story housing complex didn't need central heating.
- 89 ("Battle! Inuyasha v. Thunderdomaru!")- They almost complete the jewel (need 12 more pieces).
- 365 ("Battle! Inuyasha v. The State of New Jersey!")- They almost complete the jewel (need 11 more pieces).
- 420 ("Duuuude") - Kagome brings back some "special meditational herbs." The group shares these herbs and ends up eating all the food in the village and trying to fit a Volkswagen bus through the time-well.
- 920 ("Howdy Do") - They almost complete the jewel (need 10.5 more pieces and the instruction manual). It suddenly dawns on them that they don't have anything to put it back together with.
- 1024 ("Like You Could Do Any Better") - The cast spends a tedious half hour trying to get a jewel shard Kagome has dropped down the sink. They end up calling a plumber.
- 1101 ("No User Servicable Parts Inside") - The cast finds a Radio Shack, where they take the partially repaired jewel in hopes of tech support. Their hopes are shattered when it is realized that, due to the fact that they have been putting it back together with Krazy Glue, they have invalidated the warantee.
- 1250 ("Kagome, What Does It Mean When the 'Walk' Light is R-?") - Inuyasha is hit by a bus when dragged to the future by Kagome on "bring a friend to school" day.
- 1264 ("Battle! Inuyasha v. Naraku!")- Judge Judy orders Naraku to return his piece of the jewel to Kagome.
- 1265 ("Return to the Plot Where We First Met")- Inuyasha and company finally complete the jewel, only to have Naraku run by them and makes them drop the jewel, breaking it and scattering it's pieces again. This was to be the series finale, and it ends with everyone saying "HERE WE GO AGAIN!" They can be heard weeping softly over the ending credits.
- 31805 ("Warning, Self-Destruct Initiated")- Inuyasha universe self destructs do to crappy ratings.
Then the whole thing starts over agian... darn it, what a drag...!
Every other episode
Starting after episode twenty ("The Fickle Spackle Trickle") almost every even-numbered episode (22, 24, etc.) consists of the exact same plot, and exact same dialouge. The plot is that Kagome gets swept up by a demon, which the rest of the team spends the whole episode chasing only to kill it in one hit. Here is the actual dialouge from these episodes:
Kagome: INUYASHA!!!!!!
Inuyasha: KAGOME!!!!!!
Kagome: INUYASHA!!!!!!
Inuyasha: KAGOME!!!!!!
Naraku: Inuyasha.
Inuyasha: NARAKU!!!
Shippo: Oh no!
Sango: It looks like he'll have to use the transreflex modulatorial Turbo Shred of Infinite Congestion in order to win this battle!
Miroku: Right you are, Kent.
Kagome: INUYASHA!!!!!!
Kikyo: WHY!?
Inuyasha: Kikyou!!!!!!
Kagome: INUYASHA!!!!!!
Inuyasha: KAGOME...or is it Kikyo?!!!!!!
Relationships
According to Nostradamus, the character' final destinations are:
- Inuyasha: Marries a tree in the end. Why? He absolutely loves them after being sealed by one for 50 years.
- Kagome: Goes back to the future and hosts local news on a FOX affiliate with "comic relief" mascot Shippo.
- Kikyo: Weatherwoman on said FOX affiliate ("Why? Why must it be partially cloudy!?")
- Naraku: Killed in freak storm by a lightning bolt that figured a tall guy wearing three hundred pounds of iron was its quickest path to ground.
- Miroku: finally sucked through his wind tunnel, only to find the other end is a portable hole in a Loony Tune.
- Shippo: sneaks to the future in Kagome's backpack to work at McDonald's, only to find out that he's too short to be cashier, their only remaining job.
Guest Stars
The series has had many guest stars over its run, starting with President Warren G. Harding shortly before his souffle-related death in 1923:
- Kermit the Frog
- Number Six from The Prisoner
- Wile E. Coyote
- George W. Bush
- Columbo
- Lawrence Welk
- Carmen Sandiego
- Chuck Norris
- Your mom
- The entire Norwich City Council
- Hulk Hogan
- Saddam Hussein
Movies
Along with 200,000+ volumes of the manga, 10,000+ of the radio show (which were realeased exactly once each, on 8-track tapes) and 
of the anime, there have been 130 movies.
- The first Inuyasha movie, Ancient Times, was made in 1924, and was the only one in the series to be filmed in 'live action.' It starred Charlie Chaplin as InuYasha, and was declared one of the greatest movies ever made at the time. Unfortunately, one night late in 1931, two film warehouse guards got plastered and decided to find out what an entire warehouse filled with film looks like when it's set on fire. Althought Ancient Times and roughly 80% of all movies made up until that point were destroyed, the fire was reported to be "Bitchin'" by the guards.
- Affections Touching Across Time: Almost totally unrelated film made for PBS, in which Kikyo explains time zones for third graders.
- Reel 11-01 - Wacky collection of Inuyasha bloopers, including
- Kagome cutting her hand on a jewel shard
- Kikyo cracking up laughing during one of her deaths
- Naraku duct-taping himself back together after a bad fight
- Sango grating cheese on her gas mask
- Naraku trying to get a wad of duct tape off one hand by sticking it to the other, and then back again
- Koga battling Wile E. Coyote for the road runner's jewel shard
Trivia
- The only fantasy or science fiction series ever where the guy in the red shirt survived all the battles.
- Early drafts of the script called for Kikyo to attach InuYasha to the tree with hundreds of thumb tacks.