UnNews:The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants angry about misrepresentation in movie
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
9 September 2008
DENIM VALLEY, Oklahoma - The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants filed a lawsuit today over their portrayal in the latest Hollywood movie, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2: Depantsed. The convent maintains that the movie was insulting to their religion, and that the pants in the movie "did not show the true wisdom that Saint Pantfred possessed". Said Sister Jean, "The movie showed us as a bunch of free-spirited teenagers who like wearing jeans, when in reality, we are a divine group who studies the learnings and teachings of Saint Pantfred."
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants basically believe in Christianity, with a few modifications. They do not believe in Jesus. Instead they believe that a pair of blue jeans possessed by God wandered around the countryside, spreading his message of peace and warm water cycle washes. This pair of blue jeans was known as Saint Pantfred, and he amassed quite a loyal following. Eventually Pontius Pant's put an end to the upset Saint Pantfred was causing amongst his townsfolk and hung him out to dry on a crucifix, where he tragically perished after two days of screaming about how air-drying would leave wrinkles. After Saint Pantfred's death, his followers founded The Church of the Latter-day Pants based on his beliefs.
The Sisterhood is suing Warner Bros for $2 million, claiming that the church has lost the little credibility it had. In addition to the two million dollars, the Sisterhood is asking that a short promotional film be inserted at the beginning of every showing of the movie, and that certain aspects of the movie be modified. When asked about which aspects of the film they request be changed, Sister Roberta told our reporter that "We are requesting that Saint Pantfred is show marrying the first girl he is worn by, and that scenes involving Pantfred being worn by others are removed. Saint Pantfred was not an adulterer".
When questioned on the reasoning behind suing instead of just simply boycotting the movie, Sister Levi responded, "One, our church needs a new gold-plated door, and two, [The Sisterhood is] considering putting together a movie. Think of "The Passion of the Christ," only good, and with Jesus replaced by a pair of jeans." Although Sisterhood has high hopes for the lawsuit, it is unlikely they will be able to win out against Warner Brothers, despite the fact that the Sisterhood's lawyer claims they "can't handle the truth".
"Is it really too much to ask that all material we find offensive in some way be removed?" asked Sister Strauss. "If an obscure church that few people have ever heard of find a movie offensive, isn't it likely that the majority of the public feels the same way as us?" Although the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants may feel this way, every person out of the two we interviewed felt that the whole idea was "a bit strange". When asked what he thought of the Sisterhood shielding the public from blasphemous depictions of pants, Rod Jenson told our reporters, "Look, I don't really care what this whacked out pants religion is attempting to censor; it's still better that what the Catholics did to Dan Brown." The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants will be appearing in court October 4th.
Sources
- Dick Bildervan "Obscure pants-based religion files lawsuit against Warner Brothers; hilarity ensues" Swell Online Articles That Are Definitely Real, Sept. 4th, 2008
