User:Seijana/Ultra Liberals

Ultra Liberals are, as the name suggests, Liberals to an extraordinary degree.

Beliefs and Movements

Central to their philosophy is a belief in total freedom for everyone and everything - inanimate or otherwise. A ideals of ultra liberals include, famously, an opposition to the fluid-restrictive properties of bottles. This belief spearheaded the "liberty of fluids" movement in the late 1950s, which was abandoned in 1968 after a heat wave resulted in 300 protesters' admittance to St. John Hospital, St. Luke's. The campaign failed to make any real impact on mainstream politics.

Another of the group's historical movements in 1962 attempted to force US legislation guaranteeing water the right to cast a shadow. In a memorable and rousing speech, a representative of the Ultra Liberals Association of America said "we believe that water should not be exempt from the opacity we all currently enjoy and indeed take for granted". The campaign was unsuccessful, but the media attention spurred a populist move towards ultra liberal values.

British Ultra Liberals have also been known to support the chav. This is considered their most controversial and extreme of their policies, given that the UK government accepted calls for them to be used in laboratory testing in 2049. The 3-year campaign saw ultra liberals not only defend chav rights, but cast doubt on the applicability of the research to humans.

Ultra Liberal Party and Parties

Formation and Uprising

The UK Ultra Liberal Party was formed in 1963 to the tune of "my old man's a dustman", and American and Australian wings emerged from the cocoon of obscurity in 1965. Thus began an international revolution towards ultra liberal freedom.

Employing Public Relations techniques for the first time, the newly formed International United Ultra Liberals Society quickly generated media attention, and ultra liberals secured the backing of celebrities such as Tom Cruise, after his hissy fit with Scientology. Tom Cruise said: "I have seen that Scientology is not the path for me, I have seen a new path - the Ultra Liberal Party. I want to help people and objects, because I care for you all". (Tom Cruise reportedly lost a lot of money that year, but this had nothing to do with Scientology, because they'll sue us if it did.)

Celebrity endorsement is widely recognised for accelerating the growth of ultra liberal values in sheep people. Their quick assent into the throes of political power in the both the UK and the USA resulted in the UK branch taking the role of opposition seats in 1971. The new-found success was short-lived, lasting less than a decade. Internationally, Ultra-liberals stagnated, except for in the UK, where they experienced a period of extreme unpopularity during the 1980s, but revived under the nickname "new ultra-liberals" for the 1996 election. They gained substantial popularity at this election and were a hairsbreadth from taking power.

The Downfall

The downfall (sometime between 2020 and 2030) of Ultra Liberal values began when critics drew attention to Ultra Liberals' often-conflicting policies, e.g.; their policy that the Sun should be able to choose whether to shine or not conflicted with the policy that water should be able to cast a shadow. What followed was a fatal rift, which destroyed voters' confidence. Ultra Liberal values were tainted in the minds of even the highest political figures: True Freedom, the goal of all Ultra Liberals, began to be seen as unattainable. Many became depressed and left the party, often by suicide. In the worst cases, some even trespassed on the rights of the object used as the mode of death. Remaining members, after much mourning and soul-searching, settled into debating new policies. They developed the Freedom Compromise concept, attempting to resolve conflicts by answering questions such as "should the rights of humans be considered dominant over those of Post-It Notes?"

The Freedom Compromise was touted to be the ultra liberals' saviour, but heated disagreements cleft them in twain, and these subdivisions subdivided further thereafter. Many further splits diluted ultra liberal voters, resulting in less-than-representative representation in elections.

Sub Sections

Possibly the most successful split was the Humanitarian Ultra Liberal Party. Favoured by many of the favoured remaining Ultra Liberals, it favours the rights of humans over other, less favoured objects and organisms, as a preference. This split was criticised by other ultra liberals for not reflecting the "core" values of the Ultra Liberal ideology.

Probably the least successful split was founded by Bach T. Rear who believed that micro-organisms, because they were in greater numbers, should be given rights above that of humans. His untimely death at the age of 36 at the hands of influenza restricted the influence of his branch.