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Airbus Albo | |
|---|---|
 Albanese, on the verge of taking off. | |
| 31st Proim Minista of 'Straya | |
| Assumed office 23 May 2022 | |
| Preceded by | Scummo |
| Personal details | |
| Born |
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| Political party | Labor |
Anthony "AnAl" Albanese is an Australian politician who has served as the 31st Prime Minister of Australia since May 2022. It is a little known, albeit foreseeable fact that he is the meridional cousin of none other than British Prime Minister Keir Starmer – another grey-haired, bespectacled head of a dominant socialist, centre-left party with 'Labour'[1] in its name, another overseas globetrotter bent on boarding planes whenever the time is right and yet another unduly stalwart pornography censor. Though Albo's father was not a toolmaker, his mother was as a matter of fact unwed and dwelt in government housing.
Early life[edit | edit source]
Family and background[edit | edit source]
Roughly a year prior to his birth, Albanese's parents, Maryanne Baker and Italian poop deck swabber Carlo Albanese first met on a luxury liner from Sydney to the shantytown of Southampton, England. Some condom-free coitus ensued in the interim before the couple rashly decided to depart and go their separate ways. As least that was what it seemed until Baker epiphanised that she had unconsciously gifted a pimp with ten of her Australian shillings that evening.
To cover up the truth, she adopted Carlo's surname for herself and quietly deposited it onto her son's birth certificate. Whenever little Albo – as he was known as a child – inquired his mother regarding the whereabouts of his Y chromosome begetter, she took to gaslighting him into believing he had perished in the wake of a car crash. In reality, the bloke had impulsively emplaned for his homeland of Italy. Like father, like son.
Sometime later on during Albo's childhood, his mother married a raging drunkard named James "Adrian Quist" Williamson. The relapsing alcoholic's surname was bequeathed unto his stepson during the ten weeks they were wed, before a divorce returned an eight-year-old Anthony to a life where he could happily juggle more identities than surnames so as to leave his classmates all the more too "delulu with no solulu" to think clearly.
Venture into politics[edit | edit source]
At the age of 15, Albo peddled pamphlets and leaflets endorsing the Australian Labor Party in 1979 during his time at St Mary's Cathedral College. He graduated from school after having submitted tens of essays advocating the election of Bill Hayden as PM to NESA. Upon enrolling an economics degree at the University of Sydney, the communists with whom he fraternised helped elect him to the "Students' Representative Council".
Mentored by Tom "Big Daddy" Uren, the former Deputy Leader of the Australian Labor Party, Albo served as his research officer from 1984 pending 1995, when he took to calling then New South Wales Premier Bob "Wayne" Carr his father in 1995 due to the lack thereof he believed was.