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Airbus Albo
Albanese, on the verge of taking off.
31st Proim Minista of 'Straya
Incumbent
Assumed office 23 May 2022
Preceded by	Scummo
Personal details
Born	Anthony John Soprano Albanese (1962-03-02) March 2, 1962 Darlinghurst, New South Wales, Australia
Political party	Labor

Anthony Albanese

Anthony "AnAl" Albanese is an Australian politician who has served as the 31st Prime Minister of Australia since May 2022. It is a little known, albeit foreseeable fact that he is the meridional cousin of none other than British Prime Minister Keir Starmer – another grey-haired, bespectacled head of a dominant socialist, centre-left party with 'Labour' in its name, another overseas globetrotter bent on boarding planes whenever the time is right and yet another unduly stalwart pornography censor. Though Albo's father was not a toolmaker, his mother was as a matter of fact unwed and dwelt in government housing.

Early life

Family and background

Roughly a year prior to his birth, Albanese's parents, Maryanne Baker and Italian poop deck swabber Carlo Albanese first met on a luxury liner from Sydney to the shantytown of Southampton, England. Some condom-free coitus ensued in the interim before the couple rashly decided to depart and go their separate ways. As least that was what it seemed until Baker epiphanised that she had unconsciously gifted a pimp with ten of her Australian shillings that evening.

To cover up the truth, she adopted Carlo's surname for herself and quietly deposited it onto her son's birth certificate. Whenever little Albo – as he was known as a child – inquired his mother regarding the whereabouts of his Y chromosome begetter, she took to gaslighting him into believing he had perished in the wake of a car crash. In reality, the bloke had impulsively emplaned for his homeland of Italy. Like father, like son.

Sometime later on during Albo's childhood, his mother married a raging drunkard named James "Adrian Quist" Williamson. The relapsing alcoholic's surname was bequeathed unto his stepson during the ten weeks they were wed, before a divorce returned an eight-year-old Anthony to a life where he could happily juggle more identities than surnames so as to leave his classmates all the more too "delulu with no solulu" to think clearly.

Venture into politics

At the age of 15, Albo peddled pamphlets and leaflets endorsing the Australian Labor Party in 1979 during his time at St Mary's Cathedral College. He graduated from school after having submitted tens of essays advocating the election of Bill Hayden as PM to NESA. Upon enrolling an economics degree at the University of Sydney, the communists with whom he fraternised helped elect him to the "Students' Representative Council".

Mentored by Tom "Big Daddy" Uren, the former Deputy Leader of the Australian Labor Party, Albo served as his research officer from 1984 pending 1995, when he took to calling then New South Wales Premier Bob "Wayne" Carr his father in 1995 due to the lack thereof he believed was.

Sadiq Khan

Sir Sadiq Khan
Sadiq Khan, making people's heads (and the London Eye) spin by flaunting off his curvaceous bod in mid-air.
3rd Mayor of London
Incumbent
Assumed office 9 May 2016
Preceded by	Boris Johnson
Personal details
Born	Mohammad Sidique Khan (1970-10-08) October 8, 1970 Tooting, London, England
Spouse	Donald Trump

Sir Sadiq 'Sad Dick' Aman Khan (born 8 October 1970) is a New Labour politician who begun serving as the mayor of London in 2016, when his precursor Boris Johnson relinquished his mayoralty to pursue such greener pastures as pleading guilty before the late Elizabeth II of having frequently partook in oral sex some STI-positive MPs of his whilst simultaneously forcing the British population to install forty shiny new bolts on every door in their home to defend themselves from the dreaded 'rona.

The year 2025 saw King Charles III bestow unto Khan the prestigious rank of 'Knight Bachelor' despite the latter's helping further give the green light to gun and knife crimes in the British capital, thereby rendering him the first (and so far, only) London mayor to be royally steered along an 'L'-shaped trajectory - in chess terms.

Early life

Khan was born on 8 October 1970 at St George's Hospital in the South London district of Tooting, the fifth of eight children, into a working-class family of Pakistani expatriates. A young Khan was tutored in biology and mathematics during sixth form, with hopes of qualifying as a dentist some day. As a consequence of Khan's peculiar childhood tendency to swallow flames in the school laboratories, his biology teacher, concerned of his working in such close proximity to the respiratory systems of his patients, impulsively persuaded him that law would prove to be the subject that would earn him his calling.

Legal career

After having completed his Law Society finals at the College of Law in Guildford, Sadiq Khan entered the noble profession of law. From 1994 to 1997, he was employed as a trainee solicitor and assistant solicitor and from 1997 up until 2005, he achieved enlightenment by becoming a partner in the "Christian Khan" firm alongside fellow legal crusader Louise Christian. Their firm's mission primarily involved suing the powerful, the privileged, and every so often the Post Office.

Ever the ambitious moral compass, Khan infamously declared it unfair that an estimated 60% of lawyers gave the rest of the profession a bad reputation, and set out to balance the scales by prosecuting the scales themselves. He took on everyone from the Home Secretary to Oxford University, putting them on trial over cases supposedly involving discrimination, employment rights, and race relations. At one point, he attempted to prosecute the entire United Kingdom in the European Court of Human Rights for systemic bias. Alas, the case was dismissed when all 60-odd million defendants produced identical receipts, all unanimously claiming they were 'just following orders'.