User:Maniac1075/Dave Evans
| Dave Evans | |
|---|---|
| |
| Born | 27/02/1456 |
| Date Of Death | 13/12/2014 |
| Genre(s) | Glam Rock, Shit Rock, Poof Rock |
| Former Bands | AC/DC Badass Rabbits Dave & The Badass Back Up's Badasser Then AC/DC AC/DC Have Nothing On Us The AC/DC Tribute Band(Tribute Band) Badass AC/DC Tribute Band |
“On the 7th day I created AC/DC and Kelloggs Corn Flakes .”
“I am so badass I raped more kids than Michael Jackson .”
Dave Evans is a former Miss Universe pageant runner up who with his feminine looks and bad breath has repelled women since 1973 when he found himself the lead singer for legendary hard rock band, AC/DC. Dave was merely a stand in for the group until they could find someone better, which they did very, very, very shortly after Dave's induction to the group. Dave was given the position to front the band when AC/DC founders Angus and Malcolm Young put a classified in the Sydney Morning Herald Times asking for a singer who could at least sing better then Jenny Little. Dave answered the advertisement and was only chosen as he was the only applicant who actually read the Sydney Morning Herald Times. It has been rumored for a number of years that Dave was fired from the band for not showing up to gigs on time, and not being able to cut the raw edge AC/DC needed when they discovered Bon Scott, but the revealed truth about the incident came in an interview in Rolling Stone magazine, printed in 1996 when Malcolm Young quoted, "We wanted to try and stand out, ya know, be something different to other bands around at that time. So we decided we would all wear costumes, but some other poofy group started doing that, so we just kept Angus in the school suit. And we decided we would all drop our little costume things, but Dave, he would not stop wearing the Ballgowns, High Heels and Suspenders, so we told him to just beat it, we wanted to be AC/DC, not the Rocky Horror Dave Evans Show".
The B.S Era[edit | edit source]
After Dave's firing from the band, he spent most of the rest of the 1970's sitting out the front of store windows watching the Australian T.V music show, "Countdown", as they went on a spree of playing AC/DC's hit songs after hit songs. Dave was often seen, still in high heel and suspenders miming along to the words of what was now known as the Bon Scott era of AC/DC. At first Dave's friend and family thought nothing of this, but matters seemed to grow suspicious when Dave still talked about himself to people like he was in the band. His friend and family tried to convince him that it was over for him and AC/DC, but Dave would not come to reason, he would put on his high heels and gown and parade around the living room like he was on stage blasting out the lyrics to "T.N.T and "It's A Long Way To The Top"
In July of 1979, someone finally had just had enough of Dave and punched his lights out for singing AC/DC songs in drag. It was around this time that Dave seemed to step away from the dream world, and come to the realization that he was no longer a member of AC/DC. Dave begun to reveal to friends that he had every right to sing all of AC/DC's songs as he was the one who wrote them all. He was often heard talking about how Bon Scott was a phony, not cut out to lead AC/DC, and that he would get his spot back as the greatest front man AC/DC had ever seen. This was a worry to Dave's friend and family as Dave started to transform into what he refers to himself as today, a bad ass.
Dave planned for months how he could get Bon Scott out of the band and he would be the obvious replacement, he stalked the band for a good 4 months before AC/DC security where informed to keep Dave away from trying to get on stage and take over the microphone role. But it was in February 1980 that Dave finally put an end to Bon Scott by running up to him while Bon was sleeping in a friends car and proceeded to try to just ask Bon could he have his spotlight back, but ended up making Bon choke on his own vomit from how bad Daves breath smelled.
The B.J Years[edit | edit source]
The news hit the world hard as they discovered the tragic death of 33 year old, Ronald Bon Scott. It looked like AC/DC was over, but after the funeral of Bon Scott, it was Bon's parents who told AC/DC that the show must go on as Bon would have wanted it that way. So AC/DC set out to find a new singer. Dave was at home waiting for the phone to ring expecting them to ask him back. But AC/DC decided instead to send out 5 golden tickets throughout the world for the winners to receive an audition as the new front man. The tickets where delivered through specially marked packets of Kelloggs Cornflakes in which the 5 lucky winners where Ozzy Osbourne, Alice Cooper, Dee Snider, Elton John & an unknown named Brian Johnson. In the end AC/DC just threw the names into a hat and drew out Brian Johnsons name. This really pissed off Dave Evans at the time and he started to storm around his mother basement yelling and screaming about how he invented AC/DC and Kelloggs Cornflakes and they where both against him.
Dave decided to get revenge and become a bigger name then AC/DC themselves. So he started a group called the Badass Rabbits, and is still trying to this day to reach that success he had for one week back in 1973.
Dave still lays to claim he invented AC/DC and all there songs (even the ones on Black Ice) and that he will be bigger then AC/DC by writing songs that all sound the same. (which he claims AC/DC stole from him, too)
Super Dave Evans[edit | edit source]
In 2089 Dave helped to calm down a group of German bikers who where about to tear each other a new asshole, but Dave stepped in to save the day with his soothing rock music that he claims he invented. Dave stopped the riot by jumping up on stage in his high heel and suspenders once again, and turned and said to the crowed, "here's a couple of numbers I wrote over my illustrious career", then broke out a set list of "Smoke On The Water", "Highway To Hell", "Smack My Bitch Up", "On The Road Again", "Return To Sender", "Black Dog", "The Time Warp" & the theme song to "Full House"
Dave's relief effort for that day was honored by German President, "Adolf Oliver-busch" with a purple star award.
Dave's Death[edit | edit source]
Dave was discovered in his home on the 14th of September 2014. One hour after Brian Johnson called it quits and Dave's phone rang. According to sources, the call was only from a phone company asking Dave if he wanted to upgrade to a new plan, but the shock of hearing the phone after 40 years of waiting for AC/DC to call back sent Dave into a fatal cardiac arrest.
AC/DC decided to put out a tribute album to Dave entitled, "Dave Fired". A CD that contains 2 tracks, "Can I Sit Next To You Girl" & "Rockin' in the Parlor" a video clip to the first track, and a 25,000 page booklet on all the songs and things Dave claimed to have invented. And small chapters about Dave preventing riots with his music and being able to run faster then a standing bullet, be more powerful then a "Lego" locomotive and able to jump small puddles in a single bound.
Discography[edit | edit source]
- "Dave Fired" (2014)
- "Badass Ice" (2010)
- "The Badass Slaughters Other Peoples Classics" (2005)
- "Stiff Out Of Work" (2001)
- "Badass to the Bone" (1999)
- "Live From My Parents Basement" (1998)
- "Badass Rabbit Proof Poofs" (1997)
- "I Wrote Ballbreaker" (1996)
- "The Badass Davers Wedge" (1994)
- "Boo Dave Boo"/"Blow Up Dave Evans" (un-authorized shoe-arm recording) (1994)
- "Dave's Flies Eyes 'n Small Balls" (1994)
- "Flicked Out Of AC/DC for Being Too Badass" (1993)
- "For Those As Badass As Me" (I Will Try To Root You) (1992)
- "Badass In Drag" (1991)
- "Brian Johnson isn't as good as badass me" (1989)
- "Highway To Badass Dave"; The original versions (1988)
- "If You Want Badass Dave Back As The Lead Singer to AC/DC" (well, this is as close as you'll get it) [live] (1985)
- "Dave-Age; 33; out of work Badass".(1984)
- "Dirty Deeds, the way I wrote it first" (1984)
- "I Wrote T.N.T" (1980)
- "I'm The One Who First Wrote High Voltage" (1979)
- "Let There Be Dave Evans as the Front Man Again....please, guys, anyone?" (1978)
Singles[edit | edit source]
- "Can I Sniff Your Pooh Girl?" (1973)
- "Shaggin' In The Parlor" (1973)