User:Kervinle2500
| Warning. This Article contains the spoiler that Kervinle2500 is a guy named Nephi, so, if you don't want to find out that Kervinle2500 is a guy named Nephi, which he is, don't read it. Because Kervinle2500 is a guy named Nephi |
| Warning. This Article contains the spoiler that Kervinle2500 is a giantic Spartan, so, if you don't want to find out that Kervinle2500 is a giantic Spartan, which he is, don't read it. Because Kervinle2500 is a Giantic Spartan |
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This user is Mormon and believes all articles will be featured, but there will be 3 levels of VFH. They have a book that could change your life. |
Who are you going to trust: this Uncyclopedia article, or your lying eyes?
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THIS IS SPARTA! |
“Where can I sign up for the war?”
“Where can I sign up for the Battle of Plataea?”
“Where can I sign up for Los Angeles?”
“Wasn't he on YouTube?”
“I DEMAND AN APPLE PIE THIS FUCKING INSTANT, FOR I AM SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!”
“I'm gonna start World War II tommorrow”
“HE IS SPARTAAAAAAAAAAN!!!”
“Can I borrow your Blades of Chaos?”
“Sure, why not?”
“HUUUUGAAAH!”
“HUUUUGAAAH!”
“HUUUUGAAAH!”
“HUUUUGAAAH!”
“HUUUUGAAAH!”
“HUUUUGAAAH!”
“HUUUUGAAAH!”
“HUUUUGAAAH!”
“HUUUUGAAAH!”
“HUUUUGAAAH!”
“HUUUUGAAAH!”
“HUUUUGAAAH!”
“YOU DARE DEFY ME!?! THEN I SHALL DEFY, SUPERDEFY, MEGADEFY AND ULTRADEFY YOU!!!”
“Foul beasts, I'll send you back to the depths of Hades!!”
“TOO MUCH QUOTES FROM THIS GUY!!!”
 Warning, any discussion with a SPARTAAAAAAAAAAN may end in getting kicked into a pit!
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A S H P D
| |
|---|---|
| Nationality | AAAAAAAAAASIAAAAAAAAAN SPARTAAAAAAAAAN |
| Gender | Male |
| Age | Near-Immortal |
| Occupation | SPARTAAAAAAAAN Mercenary |
| Car | 2004 Nissan Altima |
| Wife | Marcia |
| Mistresses | None |
| Blood Type | The red kind |
| Fighting Style | X-Treme God of War Style |
| Weapon of Choice | Blades of Chaos, Super sharp sword, a friggin' long spear |
| Likes | Beating you up, killing Persians, eating your face, slowing down time |
| Dislikes | Bao, you, Persians, and bakers |
| Love Interests | His wife |
| Children | OVER 9000 [1] |
'Kervinle2500', often rumored to be the one of the SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAANS, was in actuality the alternate identity of Nephi. Born from the womb of his mother Sariah and bestowed with the strange ability to control and travel the flow of time by the same process that had him attack his abusive brothers, Laman and Lemuel. He abused this power intensely in his campaign against Lamanites. Stubborn, tough and shady-hearted—thus his nickname "The Evil SPARTAAAAAAAAAAN"—he heeded neither the advice of the his fellow Nephites nor the SPARTAAAAAAAAAAN Senate against such a campaign, and marched ahead with 300 SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAANS!!! against the singer Madonna in 480 BC. In addition to this, he has also battled other giants like himself including but not limited to: Ghidorah, Mothra, Megalon, Bill Clinton, Gigan, and Franklin Pierce. He joined this encyclopedia by the name Kervinle2500, and 'egh' is his famous grunt of all time.[2]
Kervinle2500 went to a SPARTAAAAAAAAAAN school established by Samuel Jackson. His annoyance is the everlasting glob of Sparta named David Wenham and loves to kill mindlessly like a true Spartan.[3]
Egh. [4]
Biography[edit | edit source]
Early life[edit | edit source]
When Kervinle2500 was born, he was the 2500th SPARTAAAAAAAAAAN born in all of SPARTAAAAAAAAAA!!!. When he was inspected, he has supermuscles, superwhite skin (Not to be confused with Kratos, who has the same skin condition), powerful biceps, and can lift millions of pounds. He would be the second Near-Immortal SPARTAAAAAAAAAN capable to destroy the entire Persian army with the help with other SPARTAAAAAAAANs.
The School years[edit | edit source]
Elemetary School[edit | edit source]
At the age of eight, Kervinle2500 went on a hunting trip with his class. He had an A+ because he had a wolf on a stick (with his Blades of Chaos), and a head of a Persian. Leonidas was impressed with his brutal tactics that he got sent to middle school at the age of nine. (Although SPARTAAAAAAAAAAN kids are required to go 1st to 4th grade back then)
Middle School[edit | edit source]
Middle school was tough for him, but as a SPARTAAAAAAAAAN, he managed to overcome his obstacles when he saved his 8th grade class from "Ah shit, I'm dead" Cyclopses with the help of Kratos, his would-be mentor who killed that ginger bastard Ares, and Kratos inspired the young SPARTAAAAAAAAAAN to become the best SPARTAAAAAAAAAAN he could be.
High School[edit | edit source]
He contantly stayed in SPARTAAAAAAAAA!!! long enough to learn the ways of Kratos, Leonidas and other guys. Learning the ways of Kratos made him mad with SPARTAAAAAAAAAN power and asked Kratos to lend his Blade of Chaos and Leonidas the ability to slow the hell out of time. He easily pwned a wolf on his first hunting trip (not the class trip he had) using only the Blade of Chaos.
Graduation Day[edit | edit source]
After pwning that one wolf with the Blade of Chaos (with a fucking overkill), he decided to join 300 SPARTAAAAAAAAANS!!! against the battle against Maddonna, until Leonidas told him to 'Go To SPARTAAAAAAAAAA!!!.' in which he did. After learning more ways of SPARTAAAAAAAAAN Heroes, he decided to have a break until the battle of Plaate.
Warzone[edit | edit source]
Same as top. By the friggin' way, he join 300 SPARTAAAAAAAAAANS at Thermopylae and set up a date with a girl at a SPARTAAAAAAAAAAN club (where SPARTAAAAAAAAAANS show off their dance moves) and Leonidas promoted him as a general in the SPARTAAAAAAAAAAN army and cuts a Persian in half. Although he was busy curb stomping.
The Battle of Thermopylae[edit | edit source]
In his time, he joined 300!!! SPARTAAAAAAAAANs to battle the singer Madonna and her horde of Persians. He was proved to be unstoppable 'cause he's immune to decapitations. His didn't-know father, Kratos, saves him from getting a headshot by a Persian arrows. He became one of the few SPARTAAAAAAAAANs to survive the battle.
Battle of Plataea[edit | edit source]
In the battle of Plataea, he decided to join Dilios to kill Persians again, only knocking out Dilios 'cause he wouldn't shut up. However, he was in the background in one of the 10,000 SPARTAAAAAAAAANS!! doing the same thing he did at Thermopylae. After the battle, he decided to retire, sends his wife a picture with him and a dead Persian, and when home to have kids with his wife.
List of his powers and weapons[edit | edit source]
Here's his list of things during Thermopylae and Plataea:
- Shotgun of Mass Destruction
- Chainsaw of Excommunication.
- Crub Foot Stomp of Righteousness.
- Immunity to fire arrows.
- Immunity to decapitations
- Building Smite.
- Channeling blood of Persians into ocularly-emitted laser beam.
- Leaving a really huge turd on your lawn. (which became Leonidas' ammo for his legendary stinky weapon)
- Foot Stomp of Evil.
- Black belt in every single martial art there is.
- Cape of crucifixion
- Being the size of Greek Gods like on God of War
- Fist of Godzilla.
- Deduction Ray
- Atomic Sermon.
- Earfthly emissary of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
- Hyper-Resurrection. (Returns in 3 seconds instead of 3 days)
- Stopping Hulkamania in its tracks.
- Spear Glide of Infernal Devastation (Only used on the Uber-Immortals)
- Aura of Infinite Awesomeness.
- Ability to PWN anything in his way.
- Able to All Your Base against Everything.
- Random SPARTAAAAAAAAAAN death beam.
- More moves than John Cena.
- Not being retarded as Batista (Barista).
- Being able to make John Cena lose his title.
- Kervinle2500 and Kratos would beat Batman, Mega-Batman and Space-Batman in a cage tag fight.
- Passive ability to make nobody carry out nuking him, but only suggesting it.
- Being able to kill you, and you liking it.
- Stepping on Persians.
- Calling a bomb threat to Persians (with an actual bomb)
- Tag team with Triple H and Pwnz Randy Orton in a cage battle.
- Kervinle2500 has a strange proficiency for throwing spears with impossible accuracy. Due to rigorous scientific analysis, it has been proven that this ability is only usable in tandem with the alteration of time. In other words, a projectile thrown by a SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!! is only guaranteed to strike and kill its target if time has been either slowed or sped up. The only acceptable targets for a spear throw are the Mouth or Eye.[5]
Marriage life[edit | edit source]
After Thermoplyae, he decided to open a weapon shop for all SPARTAAAAAAAAAANS and his master, Kratos, gave him that one sword he used to pwn Ares. Afterwards, Kervinle2500 manage to settle a family life and has 5 kids; 3 went to SPARTAAAAAAAAAAN war school by Leonidas, 1 went to Samuel L. Jackson's school, and his last son went to Kratos' school.
His wife is unknown as of this time. His wife owns OVER 9000!!! arces of land in SPARTAAAAAAAAAA, and she is known to reverse time like Kervinle2500 can slow the hell out of time. She has most of Kervinle2500's powers and not limited to:
- His wife also had a strange proficiency for throwing spears, axes, butcher knives and Chainsaws with impossible accuracy. Due to rigorous scientific analysis, it has been proven that this ability is only usable in tandem with the alteration of time. In other words, a projectile thrown by a SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!! is only guaranteed to strike and kill its target if time has been either slowed or sped up. The only acceptable targets for a spear throw are the Mouth or Eye.
- Channeling the souls of SPARTAAAAAAAAAAN men, women and children into a Super Spartan deathray.
- Being able to kill you, and you liking it.
- Hyper-Resurrection. (Returns in 1 second instead of 3 days)
- Stopping Hulkamania in its tracks.
- Chainsaw Glide of Infernal Devastation. (Only used on the Uber-Immortals)
- Aura of Infinite Awesomeness.
- Stepping on Persians.
- Chainsaw of Excommunication.
- Crub Foot Stomp of Righteousness.
- Foot Stomp of Evil.
- Black belt in every single martial art there is.
- Getting a perfect score on Guitar Heroes, 1, 2 & 3, at the same time
- Curing cancer
- Fist of SPARTAAAAAAAAAA!!!.
- Immunity to decapitations.
- Immunity to fire arrows.
- Building Smite.
- More moves than John Cena.
- More moves than Randy Orton.
- Make Randy Orton lose his title.
- Not as retarded as Megalon.
- Beauty that can send all men to their knees.
- Not being retarded as Batista (Barista).
- Being able to make John Cena lose his title.
- Channeling blood of Persians into ocularly-emitted laser beam.
- Passive ability to make nobody carry out nuking her, but only suggesting it.
- Ability to PWN anything in her way.
- Able to All Your Base against Everything.
- Random SPARTAAAAAAAAAAN death beam.
- Using the Undertaker's wrestling moves.
- Use the Undertaker's Triangle Choke.
SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN Analysis[edit | edit source]
| Kervinle2500 | His wife | |
|---|---|---|
| Is a gigantic murderous Spartan | Yeah | Yeah |
| Has anger management issues | Yeah | Yeah |
| Has graphic and powerful superpowers | Yeah | Yeah |
| Can fly | Yeah | Yeah |
| Can slow the crap out of time. | Yeah | Yeah |
| Has a cool Mecha-version created by the Persian army | Yeah | Yeah |
| Can easily pwn noobs | Yeah | Yeah |
| Can defeat Grues | Uh... | I think so... |
| Can defeat Chuck Norris | Kinda | Yeah |
| Can defeat the 1,000,000 Persian army | Yeah | Yeah |
| Kill with an overkill | Yeah | Yeah |
Interesting facts[edit | edit source]
- He once killed a man with a fingernail.
- He stole Leatherface's chainsaw so his wife can make the Rocket-Propelled-Chainsaw.
- He took an opputunity to punch Chuck Norris in the eye and run.
- Ask Leonidas if he could borrow Gorgo's Xbox, 360, PS2, PS3, and PSP (Halo and Halo 2, Halo 3, God of War and God of War 2, God of War 3, and God of War: Chains of Olympus respectively). Gorgo only allowed him to borrow her PS2
- Is a fan of an anime called Full Moon
- He butchered a Persian with the Blades of Chaos and he and his wife captured Persian Bases
- Asked the Undertaker to strangle Vickie Guerrero with the Triangle Choke
- Posed as Vickie's limo driver and drove off to the nearest cliff while jumping out the car
- Hired Kane for the SPARTAAAAAAAAN army. He kills the Persian army using his Force Chokeslam
- Tried to categorize his wife as 'Hot Babes You Don't Have A Chance With
- Nearly killed a fellow SPARTAAAAAAAAAN with a paperclip
- Killed a fellow Nephite for being dumb for not following his rules
- Hates Xerxes so friggin' much
- Invited Menelaus to his birthday party, but Menelaus had to go to Troy
- Can kill you reading this article though the computer screen
- He used Leonidas' legendary Shit Cannon during Thermopylae. Kratos comments 'the best move he has ever done'
- Hired the Great Khali as a SPARTAAAAAAAAAN Immortal for the SPARTAAAAAAAAN army
- Kills Hitler with a Rocket Launcher
- Annihilates Osama bin Laden with machine gun
- Obliterates Fidel Castro with a nuclear bomb [6]
Death[edit | edit source]
Well, using the Blades of Chaos, it's impossible to kill him. His only weakness is a girl named Marcia (who in actuallity, is his wife).
See also[edit | edit source]
Notes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ Although, that's a physical impossibility
- ↑ Seriously, are all Spartans abuse the power of time control?
- ↑ Who DOESN'T hate David Wenham?
- ↑ The most popular word of all time
- ↑ As a side note, if you are Spartan, please don't abuse these powers
- ↑ This trivia should not be taken lightly, especially 15