User:Keith in the Woods

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“I believe this band will get nowhere because they need more cowbell.”

~ Cowbell on Keith in the Woods

“Keith is in the woods.”

~ Captain Obvious on Keith in the Woods

“But which Wood?.”

~ Some Guy on Keith in the Woods

“Fuck off”

“Inflammable are better than that”

~ Ben on That pile of dog shit

“Don't lie Ben”

~ Goose on Ben

“We're the Turban Crew, we stand and we dont fall”

~ Dan on Acid

“In Soviet Russia Wood is in the KEITH”

~ Russian Reversal on Keith in the Woods

Keith in the Woods are a melodic death metal/power metal/comedy metal band from Derby in Britain.


The idea of the band was formed at Sophie's birthday party in summer 06. Alfie said that the now dead and gone inflammable band should be called keith in the woods. This never happend because ben [who started inflammable] thought inflammable was way cooler. However Dan and Joe decided to take this idea further with a new band a couple of months later.

Joe and Dan co-founded Keith in the Woods, Initially he was inspired to play keyboard by "Bed of Razors" but then went back to his first dream to play drums. Joe has switched between many an instrument, such as guitar, bass, keyboard, drums, violin and nothing whatsoever. Basically he does vocals.

Look at those cowbells :P
Jackson RR3 that dan HAS

Andy joined Keith in the Woods when Joe told him to in late November. Andy can play bass well but just needs a song to learn, so Joe told him to learn "Are You Dead Yet?" by Children Of Bodom. Andy has some quite frankly awesome ideas to put towards the band, such as everyone wearing afros in varing colours and using terrorists in live performances. He uses an Encore bass. However he left because of "emo reasons".

The news of koya joining the band is has heightened the bands spirits and lead to "works like a crack whore" to be created. Whereas Koya has only recently taken up guitar, he is progressing well and is much better than joe, who cant play power chords. Koya has the exorcist theme tune and a song with 2 random chords that he doesnt know in his knowledge and is learning "self esteem" by The Offspring. Koya then left the band becoause he likes japapanese pop and not melodic death metal.

Pizzey is in the band cos goose finally let him. Pizzey started playing guitar because dan made him, he has an epiphone les paul standard thats trans blue, and he somehow "broke" the sustain. Pizzey is pretty good on guitar and has a line 6 spyder 30 amp. He now a jackson KE3 Kelly and has learnt how to play it to an agreeable skill.

Toms played on ukulele. Tom started the ukulele inspiration for KitW, it is even said that he invented the ukulele but georges relatives stole his design and only recently, Tom has gotten hold of a uke. Tom is extremely competant on uke and is set to be the next Jake Shimabukuro. Actually, the jurys out on whether Tom is in the band, he may just be an honourary mamber, or he might just have been pissing around with us when he said hes in the band.

Oscar Wilde is in the band because.......i dont know why hes in the band, goose put it in the atricle so that it looked more like a normal uncyclopedia article and worships oscar wilde.

RS Crew[edit]

The RS Crew is not really related to Keith in the Woods but 4 of the 5 people in it are [or used to be] in Keith in the Woods. Dan, Joe, Jas, Koya and James make up the RS Crew and they even have an RS van [their schools minibus]. They were created in an RS lesson and Joe is the leader. He summons the RS Crew by using a sport relief keyring that makes a tapping noise. Koya was shit at RS, just like Dan and Joe and hated it, Just like Dan and Joe so Koya left. Lucky Bastard.

Current line-up[edit]

Joe - Vocals, Keyboard

Dan - lead guitar, Backup vocals

Richard - Rhythm guitar

Former members (kind of)[edit]

Jas "jazzy Fizzle" - bass

Koya "i have no nickname" - rhythm guitar

Andy "emo kid" - bass

Tom "Tom" - ukulele


Flying Pig With Green Neon Lights
  • 1: Penarse
  • 2: Lemon of Doom
  • 3: AAG (All Against Gays)
  • 4: Hate Hobbit
  • 5: Turban Crew
  • 6: Chesspiece Gangrape
  • 7: Looks like a duck with glasses
  • 8: Cunt Flap
  • 9: Works like a crack whore
  • 10: Like a lemon, thats right, like a lemon
  • 11: Ben Tenfold

Bonus tracks:

  • Still Waiting (Sum 41 Cover).....Due to this being the only song the band can actually play together, and not very well at that.

Currently, Cunt Flap, Lemon Of Doom and Hate Hobbit are complete. However Dan has lost the music for Hate Hobbit, meh. The others will be done if the band can be arsed. Goose gave writing Turban Crew a go, which predictably ended in disaster.

Flying Pig With Green Neon Lights Ver1.01
  • 1: Plow Cat Travels Through Northern Gardens
  • 2: A Rain Sodden Cat Clawing its Way Through a Descanted Pukka Pie in a Soggy Brown Paper Bag
  • 3: Cats - Four Pounds
  • 4: Bach Cat Finds A Harpsichord
  • 5: A Cat Gnawing On A Profiterole

Bonus Tracks:


Look out!! Its a yarn snake!!
  • "Cun Flap", "Hate Hobbit", "The Lemon Of Doom" and "Penarse" have full lyrics.
  • Dan and Joe are writing guitar pieces; Dan has taken a more traditional approach, like using some sort of key, Joe has taken a more interesting approach and is writing insane riffs that Dan cant play, just because Joe cant play guitar it doesn't mean he wont write music.
  • Keith in the Woods mascot is a childlike ninja grim reaper called Melvin. The idea of Melvin was invented in a maths lesson when Joe tried to draw a new type of flying v. It was so bad that Dan could see a little grim reaper in the making. A few tweeks and Melvin was born. Note that Dan has no artisic skills whatsoever.
  • Dans Jackson appeal finally payed off, he raised around £30 by scabbing of people (goose and pizzey and even the japanese kid) and now has required amount for the Jackson, AND NOW HAS ONE ^^.

Note: All that is written beyond this point serves no real purpose[edit]

The people behind the band[edit]

  • Pizzey is a genius
  • Goose enjoys the pleasure of grue huffing
  • Dan is a porn star
  • Goose is Dislexic Deslexic Can't spell (dyslexic)
  • Koya is not japanese but Japapanese, he also resembles a lemon
  • Jas is the worlds biggest pimp with a total of ZOMGHAX amount of hoes and he has a fair few garden hoes aswell
  • Tom is racist
  • Dan is a Dumb Ass Nigga
  • Goose pwns two shotguns
  • Pizzey possibly burns dans work

Reasons why ben is an idiot by PB[edit]

ben can be a real cunt he likes FOB lol LMAO LMAO

General Stuff[edit]

The following things/people helped start KitW without knowing it:

Alexi doing what he usually does
And thats why lesbians rock
a rare photo of Herman before he killed someone via Sonic Boom

Stalkers of Keith in the Woods:

  • George, when KitW initially started, George bribed his way into the band by bringing in various Fenders that none likes. However KitW didnt want him because:
  • he likes the shit band Nirvana.
  • he likes the shit band Green Day.
  • Hes in a fucking wheelchair


Lesbians rock....fact. Messing with this point in anyway will cause you to be hunted by a grue and just before you die have an ape shoved up your ass causing your head to asplode. No arguments. None at all.


  • dan: "Sheep Falls Down!"
  • joe: "Goats are touching your crumpets"
  • jas "I am NOT married", " I am your father" , "Die infidel", "I am not Bin Laden's nephew" "Shutup" "I want to play slaps" "Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beeeep", "Oh" "How" "She's an ageing red headed witch who gives me cookies"
  • ben "DUH....DEH.DUH.DUURR..." incomprehensible drunk imression of Master Of Puppets at Download which george milked sooo badly. nob bucket.
  • Haydn: "dan you're gonna be a pornstar arent you"
  • Weebl: "eurgh dicksprouts!!"
  • crossfire1278: "Whats the music? "Emo Faggot" by Good Charlotte?" [some guy off youtube]