User:Hindleyite/stuff

This page contains some Burninated, or soon to be burninated nonsense which I found to be quite amusing. New! Alternative UnFunnies!

Blooper

Oops.

(Huff log); 20:51 . . Hindleyite (Talk | contribs | block) (huffed "Lake Oswego": NRV Expired. 
                      Illiteracy - bad. You dhould be doing English classes instead of making 
                      these articles...) 

Alternative UnFunnies

Featured on erm, my userpage.

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  Jimbo, will you just see what's on TV for me? Oh, crud.

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  Rejected by Arsenal, Sol Campbell decided to go into the canned food industry.

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  President Bush decides on which middle-eastern country to invade next.

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  Some people claim Capital One credit cards are aimed at a 'narrow market'.

Uncyclopedia Huffings

Confused.com

Interesting piece of text appeared on 3/5/06. Original author 82.10.200.510. Just thought I'd keep it before it was burninated.... could be worth developing?

Confused.com is the place to get "cheap Car Insurance" apparantlly, but this is just a cover. The guy in the advert is Barry Scott's best mate, and they get togethet twice a week in the "Queen Vic" to discuss their hyptnotising powers and also take over America.

Why All Shows on MTV Suck

Author originale: 24.149.190.104

MTV was originally created in order to provide actuall music by means of television. In recent years it has transformed into a vehicle for mindless reality television shows and friends of Johnny Knoxville. The producers of MTV would like to ensure thier own future success by numbing the brains of all who watch, thusly creating a mindless and semi-retarded fan base. MTV will do all that they can to continue playing bad television often times playing the same terrible show for hours at a time.

Found on User talk:84.70.90.60

"Hi how do i plant teh bombzor?"

By pressing the "X" button in the top right hand corner. • Spang • ☃ • talk • 17:23, 8 May 2006 (UTC)

Subsequently, Found on Spang's user page...

hi i found teh bomb site i am now planty the bombz0r ok, you be mine bacup and watch out for bad guys. bleep beleps planting bombz0r. b0mbz0r planteds. lets go go gos.oh no i forgot my lunchb0x my w1fe w1ll kick mine a$s.

Subsequently, on User talk:84.70.90.60

"Hi how do i plant teh bombzor?"

By pressing the "X" button in the top right hand corner. • Spang • ☃ • talk • 17:23, 8 May 2006 (UTC)

That wasn't the X button! That was my user page! Silly IP! • Spang • ☃ • talk • 17:30, 8 May 2006 (UTC)

Please enjoy your complimentary ban.....thank you for your contributions.... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Erm, ok...

List of Countries that take Eurovision Seriously

By 85.137.48.219. Content was simply:

Sweden.

How to make money fast

Original author: 217.168.83.114

Someone please write this article.

Wikipedia Huffings

Erm, you don't suppose some people make these articles for the sole purpose of getting on BJAODN, do you?

Gorilla Groupie

Spotted on Wikipedia's Articles for deletion:

An individual who spends considerable time observing the behaviors of captive gorillas. A Gorilla Groupie may act as an unofficial representative of their home institution by interpreting gorilla behaviors to the public. A Gorilla Groupie may interact with other local, national, or international Gorilla Groupies who share their interest in observing captive gorillas.

Ray's Parlour

Also from Wikipedia AfD:

Ray's Parlour is a parlour that was supposedly run by former Arsenal and England central midfielder "Sugar" Ray Parlour.

The Parlour appeared in a BBC football programme entitled "World Cup Extra" shown late night during the 2002 World Cup in Japan.

In the programme, hosted by Jonny Vaughan, Ray would scrutinize the haircuts of players playing in the World Cup and pick which one needs to take a visit to his parlour.

The concept of this is ironic as Parlour himself should be in no position to criticise people's haircuts as he was infamous for his terrible ginger head of hair, which often overshadowed his performances on the pitch.

Cake Cannon

From Wikipedia AfD

The Cake Cannon is a device, still in development, that comes in large and small sizes. Its primary purpose is shooting cakes into the users mouth at a selectable speed using a control panel. The device can also be used for neutralising targets and for photocopying.

The larger device utilises a nuclear powered engine capable of firing up to 5 medium sized cakes per second. The recomended speed however is 2 cakes per second. The larger device uses the nuclear powered engine for fast photocopying at a rate of 21 pages per second.

The smaller device utilises a smaller electric motor powered by batteries and rechargeable, firing up to 8 cupcakes per second, with a recomended speed of 4 cakes per second.

The cake cannon is seen as a admirable weapon, which if used in the armed forces, could answer a more painless solution to neutralising targets. A proposal has been sent to integrate this weapon onto the RAF Typhoon F2 in the near future for use in neutralising insurgents in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Other Side of the Pillow

From Wikipedia Afd:

The other side of the pillow is the side of a pillow that is generally cooler than the side of the pillow facing upwards. Because of this, it has become a popular catch phrase used frequently by Stuart Scott, a sportscaster on ESPN's Sportscenter. Being "cooler" as the other side of the pillow would be considered a compliment when directed towards another person.

"The Other Side of the Pillow" is also a song performed by Prince on his 1997 album, The Truth with the first line of the song being: "Cool as the other side of the pillow."

Ferret Legging

From Wikipedia Afd:

Ferret legging is an obscure sport practiced in Yorkshire. It was first brought to light by Donald Katz, in an article entitled "King of the Ferret Leggers", in the February 1983 issue of Outside magazine.

The sport involves putting two angry ferrets inside one's trousers, having first tied one's trouser cuffs firmly to one's ankles, lest the ferrets escape. The competitor then cinches his belt tightly, and the clock is started. Competitors cannot be drunk or drugged, nor can the ferrets be drugged. In addition, competitors cannot wear underpants beneath their trousers, and the ferrets' teeth cannot be filed or otherwise blunted.

The record-holder at the time of Katz' article was Reg Mellor, a 72-year-old retired miner from Yorkshire. Mellor's winning time was five hours and twenty-six minutes of "keepin' 'em down." It was Mellor who instituted the practice of wearing white trousers in ferret-legging matches "to better show the blood."

External link

• The Outside magazine article

Call of Fruity

Call of Fruity is an Epic fighter game based on the adventures of a young apple named Fruity. The stroy begins with Fruity running away from home to join the Royal Fruitopian Army to fight the evil Veggies.

As the player you will guide Fruity through several intense action-filled battles including the great Pea-Day invasion of WWII all the way up to the fierce fighting in the Veggienam war. As the story progresses Fruity will meet new and exciting characters such as Betty Bannana, Tommy Tomato and many other friends and foes that will help or hinder Fruity on his intersting and exiting journey to cleanse the lands of Fruitopia of the Veggie filth.

Features

Θ Play as Fruity through over 12 challenging levels to finally face the evil dictator Adolf Pipler.

Θ Command several vehicles including the watermelon tank and the bannana plane.

Θ Fight a variety of enemies including the carrots, celery, peas and many more.

Θ Unravel a sinister plot of betrayal and romance.

Θ Play through a variety of different minigames and unlock bonus content including concept art, cheat codes, secret endings and much more.

The Fruitopian Army needs YOU! will you rise to the challenge

Other misc. rubbish

Interesting/Stupid Categories

ALl of these are, or have been, real categories from Uncyc. Honest.

• Bands That Your Mom Secretly Listens To While Your At Work/School/Whatever It Is You Do During The Day
• Boston Baked Beans, They're the beaniest.
• Do not categorize
• Important years in the history of double breasted suits
• Long articles that ramble on about nothing
• Organized Crime Figures Conflated with Cartoon Characters
• Sith Lords who refuse to wear deodorant - Deleted.
• Stupid bands from Myspace who think Uncyclopedia is their personal vanity space
• Stuff that lonely women masturbate over
• Things Which Did Not Happen In 1927
• Things Dealing with Spoons
• Warning! Extremely IQ-low Zone, keep out
• Well-known female baseball players

Interesting/Dumb Usernames

All real current or past names from Uncyc.

• 99 Crack Vandal Socks on the wall, 99 Crack Vandal Socks...
• ADMINS BEHAVING LIKE CHILDREN!
• ♪ ♫ Ching chong, Nipponese balls, hanging on a prison wall! ♪ ♫
• Super Vandalism Account 2006 - a bit like Super Mario, only more vandalous.

Doctor Who

• This is now a proper full-blown article. It's at UnBooks:The Creature if you can be bothered.

A leaked script from the new Doctor Who series... probably.

A kid is watching the new version of Doctor Who on television. Daleks are climbing up stairs.

Kid gasps

Kid to mum: "Mum, are Daleks real?"

Mum: "Of course not dear. Time for bed."

Cut to kid sleeping.

Resounding thud. Kid wakes with a start. More clanking noises.

Kid becomes petrified as noises get closer.

Cut to bedroom door handle, which slowly turns, creaking as it does.

Dalek bursts in: "I am a dalek!"

Kid, scared, whimpers "h-ho-how did y-you get up the s-stairs?"

Dalek: We use special effects to help us. We have ropes attached to us and crew use a handle to give the effect of us climbing up the stairs.

Kid peers beyond dalek and sees there is a camera crew assembled on the landing.

Director: CUT! Dalek takes head off. It’s just some small dude inside.

Alternatively....

Camera crew appear

Camera crew: "Hey come back here! Sorry kid, we've been chasing him all day."

Dalek: Crap! (jumps out window)

(Doctor Who theme) Wooo wooo etc. plays