User:Ethereal/Richard Dawkins
“You know, he's got a point.”
Reverend Richard Dawkins (rumoured to exist) is a famous born-again Christian, professor of theology at Oxford University who actively discourages rationalism, as well as trust in science and technology. He is a leading researcher in the existence of fairies, a champion of blind faith in Christian authority and one of the chief proponents of the Strawman theory of debate. He has written several best selling books on the validity of intelligent design (Tumbling Down Mount Improbable), the evils of atheism and selfishness (The Selfish Eugene).
Reverend Dawkins also authored A Devil's Chaplain, a best-selling book on the evils of Satanism and Evilution. Richard Holloway, the head emperor of the Christian cult in the United States, had this to say in response to his book:
| “ | This is the best book of sermons I have read for years. So please do go on preaching to us, Reverend Dawkins, and don't mind the things they throw at you. | ” |
Life[edit | edit source]
Abandoned at birth (by his virgin mother), His Holiness the Archdeacon Richard "Muggeridge" Dawkins was reared and educated in a mysterious Tibetan monastery by radical Jesuit monks, high in the Himalayas until the age of 7. Subsequently, on being returned to Great Britain, Dawkins attended the Polytechnic University of Milton Keynes, gaining a lower second degree in refuse collection science.
After a series of false starts, his career looked settled when he was offered a post as junior under manager at the Wither Now? guesthouse in Bournemouth, Dorset, England. It was while working at the hotel that his Eminence discovered God, allegedly while sleeping off a massive drinking binge in a sea front bus shelter (Dawkins, that is, not God.)
Reverend Dawkins is most famous for his two books criticising the evolutionary theory: Tumbling Down Mount Improbable, a book advocating Intelligent Design by mathematically detailing the impossible odds against abiogenesis on Earth as well as the best-selling The Selfish Eugene, a novel about how selfish people tend to end up in Hell after death. It was in The Selfish Eugene that Dawkins coined the term meme (literally "Me! Me!") to designate mental manifestations of the ego. He also completely disproved evolution by quoting God from the Bible and basing his books entirely on that. He claims that New Math and New Science are part of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy, and that the ACLU only supports Homosexuals and Atheists.
Dawkins wrote The Blind Watchmaker Who Repaired My Rolex Watch in 1986, a novel on based on a personal real life encounter in which he stumbled upon an abandoned Rolex watch while traversing a heath, claiming it as his own. Subsequent investigation revealed that the abandoned watch belonged to William Paley, a famous 19th century atheist philosopher who argued that imperfect design of the natural world proved the non-existence of God as Creator. In the novel, Dawkins recounted how he tirelessly approached every known watchmaker in England, who declared the watch irreparable and best disposed of, until that is, a mysterious blind watchmaker blessed the parts and then miraculously repaired it. With the aid of computer simulations and logical reasoning, Dawkins showed that the reparation of the Rolex watch was a miracle. From this experience he drew a parallel with Christianity and concluded that faith in God is logical and also ultimately fruitful.
Dawkins gained widespread popularity after the publication of his most recent book The Science Delusion where he exposed science as nonsensical mumbo-jumbo. He concluded that science can never really prove anything as it is always falsifiable and hence disprovable and hence wrong by default. Why should any sane person trust it then? Dawkins, on the other hand, has the answer. And the answer is God. If you don't believe in him you are a godless commie homo bastard.
Dawkins was appointed by Holy Emperor George W. Bush as Secretary of Intelligent Design. Dawkins made a publicity tour of Kansas schools in 2006, campaigning for the mandatory appearance of anti-evolution stickers on the covers of science textbooks.
Dawkins has been Professor of Intelligent Design at the University of Oxford, United Kingdom since 1969. He has been greatly praised by the religious community for his attempts to belittle Neo-Darwinian evolution by proving via genetic analysis that both Charles Darwin and Gregor Mendel were homosexual.
He recently appeared on a TV sitcom called The Root of All Evil? to blame science for
- Existing
- Claiming to exist
- And making birds fly and religions talk
In this show he uttered the now famous words:
| “ | Some believe in many Gods. I just go one step further and believe that Jesus kicked the other Gods' asses. That's why there can be only one: Jesus Christ, our savior. | ” |
Dawkins has also appeared in the TV documentary South Park, where he co-hosts the TV-show "Jesus and Pals" with the big man himself.
Quotes[edit | edit source]
“I believe God exists, therefore God exists.”
“God hates scientists. Therefore, I hate pudding.”
“Allah is the only gawd, and Mullah Mo is his prophet.”
“Evolution is so complex that it had to have been designed by some kind of intelligent being.”
Books[edit | edit source]
- The Selfish Giant
- The Extended Crucifix
- The Blind Watchmaker Who Repaired My Stolen Rolex Watch
- Drinking Mineral Water From The River of The Garden of Eden
- Tumbling down Mount Improbable
- The View While Tumbling down Mount Improbable (a small extract from Tumbling down Mount Improbable)
- Unweaving the Bible
- Our Ancestor's Biblical Tale
- The Science Delusion
See also[edit | edit source]
- Richard Dorkins. the real GUY!!!!!!!
- Evolution
- Evilution
- Darwinism
- Intelligent Design
- Unintelligent Design
- Stupid Design
- Eugenics
- The Overwhelmingly Elliptical Theistic Crumpet of the Artichoke
- Flying Spaghetti Monster
- God
- Bible
- Christianity
- Rovdism
- Morans
- Stupid
- War Against Secularism
- Scientology
- Science
- South Park