User:Epynephrin/Mein Kampf
Mein Kampf is the title that Adolf Hitler gave to the Livejournal he kept during his teen-aged and pre-college years. In it, he discussed things that annoyed him, saddened him, and depressed him. It was later published and distributed to the German people, because as leader he could. Especially noticable was his hatred for orange juice. The controversy over his journal came from a later typographical error that "juice" was mispelled in the print version of his book.
Sample Entries[edit | edit source]
For your reading pleasure, Uncyclopedian Historians have recovered some of the lost entries, and are working to simulate the way it was originally published. Newer entries are at the top, as with traditional blog service. These entries are sampled from throughout the work, and include his rejection from art school, the beginning of his political career, and his rise to power.
Please Note: entries read from the bottom up, in classic blog-style.
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Mein Fuhror(
Heil Hitler 420) wrote, @ 2006-01-24 15:15:00
Current Mood: 
depressed
Security: 
Protected
Current Music: Rammstein
January 29, 1944[edit | edit source]
Hey, so. Yeah. I had this particularly awesome idea. I've decided to call it "the Final Solution". Soem of you may be aware of my intense hatred of Orange Juice. Well, I know what to do. The only good kind of Orange Juice is concentrated juice, why? because it's easier to destroy. I'm going to get people from all over the country to bring their Juice-related products to the ghettos in their cities. Makers and Importers will have to wear a star on them so that people know what they do. Eventually, I'll send the makers and importers to specialized camps, where they will work to destroy all of the juice. Furnaces, burial, anything. Death is too good for juice.
Also, because we all know that frozen orange juice is physically similar to human flesh, we can run all kinds of experiments for the next place I'm taking the war machine: Poland!
December 12, 1943[edit | edit source]
Whoa. sorry it's been so long since I last updated. A lot has happened. I've come up in power, and am now the leader of the Nazi party. That'll show the morons who kicked me from their school. I'll maybe become the leader of Germany. Who will be the better artist then? huh? That's right.
Yeah, and when I'm king of all Germany, that's when I'll start collecting all the Orange Juice, and destroying it. I am going to kill all the Juice!
But first, I think it's time we had the Rhineland back. Anyone have opinions on a military manouever?
September 23, 1943[edit | edit source]
Well, I went and gave a speech to some party; they call themselves "Nazis". Don't get why. I like them, though. They're pretty cool. "The guy" from a few weeks ago called himself Goebbels, and told me about the party and asked me to be the leader. It looks like I'm actually going to go somewhere with my life.
August 9, 1943[edit | edit source]
The other day, some guy stopped me and suggested that I join the army. I figured i might as well. Who knows, maybe i'll even get a politcal career or something out of this.
On the way home, I saw some cans of orange juice kill a woman, they'd apparently dropped out of an upper window and onto the woman. I think I know my course now. Once I have the military training, I'm going to wipe out all Juice!
July 12, 1943[edit | edit source]
So, I got my letter from the art school...
I didn't get in. I'm so depressed. I'm going to go listen to some Dashboard Confessional and cry. I read my friend's poem, and it touched me. I really think the kid captured how I felt. Thanks, man. I'm glad you wrote that.
Well, I guess I have nothing left now. For some reason, I can't help but blame this all on the juice. I'm starting to think that there's an Orange Juice conspiracy against me.
June 24, 1943[edit | edit source]
Lolzz. I have a new icon, people. Like it? That's the man I hope to be someday. It's great. I'm applying to an art school, I sent them an e-mail. I'm pretty excited by my prospects, I think I'll do pretty well there.
Today, my mom tried to give me Orange Juice with my breakfast. I HAET Orange Juice. HATE HATE HAT. So much. All that pulp. It's... unnatural. If I could, I would round up all the juice in the world, and have it destroyed. I've told her that I hate it before. She doesn't listen! ARGH!
Political Repurcussions[edit | edit source]
Sadly, due to a massive typographical error, Hitler's disdain for Orange Juice was misinterpreted. The result was a massive historical event that some call "The Holocaust". The program he outlined required rounding up all the orange juice in the Fatherland, and as much as he could get from neighboring countries, if even by force. It was a project he called "The Final Solution". In which, he would pour all of the orange juice into the sea, in protest of its existence.
Sadly, the misinterpretation lead to a shortage of orange paints, and not juices. The paint economy plummeted in Germany like an atomic bomb, and caused the an economic crash to take place in the country. After the publication of Mein Kampf, Germany's main import was orange paint; and the main export, war.
User Comments[edit | edit source]
Many historians have suggested that it may have been a useful item to add to the book would have been the user comments that his friends and family had left for Hitler in the original blog. One problem with leaving them out is that most people believe that the book was originally written as pro-Nazi propaganda, and not what it really was. This has created all kinds of issues for future readers, all of whom have been associated with the anti-Orange Juice incident mentioned above, whether they are or are not for it.